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As salamalikum Brothers and Sisters,

My husband swears that I am both contacting men and always making "eye contact" with men when I am out running errands, going or coming from work, etc. Therefore, he stops the most provocatively dressed women on the street (coming out of night clubs in NYC's college districts, etc), talks to them, seduces them, gets there Facebook's, adds them on the social media site- and worst off, he begins to once again seduce them online. 

Of course he never has proof for the ridiculous he puts forth about me.

Once he's been caught, or he spills the beans himself. He then goes on a rant as to how much more beautiful they are than me, how more well behaved, and how they would be much more suitable wives. Which makes me very down. 

(He has two Facebook's- one which he has most of his family and childhood friends, etc. His other Facebook, which he REFUSES TO DELETE, and says he no longer uses... Is his "bait" Facebook, where he catches other women to seduce them, and where he adds above mentioned women, etc.)

I personally believe he is in denial, feeling guilt for his own actions and then blaming me when he makes his accusations. I also believe he has major trust issues.

I may not be the perfect wife, but what women is? I don't always cook all his meals for him, and I don't always remember to iron his socks. But I am faithful, I both respect and admire him, I talk him through all of his troubles, I wale him for Fajr, and I encourage him to be the best Muslim he can be, and above all I fear Allah. And of course I have never committed any of these atrocious acts. 

Just tonight we saw an Iman, well known in our area, whose FIRST WORDS were: "Both of you, fear Allah". I'm afraid my husband does not, nor does he respect our marriage.

Why does he continue to do this to me? And how can I deal with it in an Islamic matter?

asked 152 Fatima212's gravatar image

Wa 'alaikumus salam sister. The imam has said right, we should fear Allah. If we feared Allah truely, would this world turn into such a mess? Wouldn't we do all of our duties and maintain peace? Maybe you and your husband aren't doing some important things you are suppossed to do. You should try to make your husband comprehend that he is a muslim and he shouldn't do these kinds of things with other women. If he fears Allah truely, then this was unlikely to happen. You can take some measures to stop him.
1. You should search youtube for Islamic reminder videos, and then tell your husband to watch them. They are very effective, they increase taqwa.
2. Try to bring an Islamic air inside your house, always use fragrances, recite Qur'an, cook halal foods, make zikir of Allah ta'ala more and more. Remove pictures of live objects from your house, keep the house free from najis, were modest clothes.
3. Try to shape your character with angelic qualities, such as kindness, justness, righteousness, bravery etc. Remove jealousy, hate, laziness from your heart. Live according to the sunnah. Learn more about Islam.
4. Always be careful about the company you keep. Your friends and relatives are one of the most important thing to be careful about. They are a part of your surroundings, and they can influence your behavior. Always live with pious and truthful muslims. It is better to remain isolated than to live with disbelievers.
5. Make your character attractive to your husband. Learn to talk with attractiveness.
6. Always make lots of du'a to Allah to help you. He is the only source of strength.
7. Always be careful about your behavior. Your behavior shapes your identity. If you find that your husband is looking for other women, which means he isn't satisfied with you, then search for any faults in your behavior. Amend that fault and make yourself more attractive to him.
8. Be very careful about your sources of income. By eating haram food, wearing haram clothes, using haram things, one cannot expect to live as a true muslim. One's behavior can be strongly influenced by the way one earns his bread.
9. Be very careful about your sex life. Make sure your husband enjoys your company. Sex is one of the best ways to strengthen the bond of love between a husband and a wife.

Also, sister it seems to me that your husband isn't satisfied with you alone, that is the reason he is looking for other women. It is normal, as males are addicted to different types and tastes of women. Maybe it would be better for your husband to marry another woman, with your consent, if he is financialy sound. In Islam men can have upto 4 wives, so you should discuss this with your husband. And also note that, you are only accountable for your deeds. If even after your efforts you find that your husband's behavior hasn't changed, then know that it isn't your fault. May Allah help you solve your problems and save you from hellfire.

answered 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image
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Asked: Nov 24 '13 at 23:28

Seen: 634 times

Last updated: Nov 25 '13 at 13:43

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