Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters

pardon for being straight with my question! I was being raped by my first proposal brought in by my parents, n this happened as a revenge of him as I said no to this nikkah after almost one year of bride seeing... He was never a virtuous person, and my parents asthaghfurullah, had forced me into this, and it was only after one year of suffer I could stand for my decision...

he was a hypocrite, but my parents felt he was the most generous and vituous since he was a doc

n alhamdulillah, I am happy he s not my soul mate... but the scars he scraped on my heart, his revenges are making ths me weaker and scarier each day... I keep making dua for strength... I am going to be newly wed next year in sha' Allah, and I do not want him also to know any of my past, as I did not want anybody to know... to be frank, I did not tell my parents either how he took revenge. they would be heartbroken... I keep making dua for strength... Trying to forget, but its haunting me... Those days...

n my dear husband, in sha' Allah, we will be having a very halal nikkah, we saw only once as a part of bride seeing, n we have never seen nor contacted since then, he s a very good virtuous boy ma sha' Allah, but after nikkah I do not want him to know any of my past, or the rape... T wud me easy for him since m not virgin...

please do help me in this brothers and sisters, how can I hide... I should cz t will affect our future... N nevertheless, t will be a bond for this life and Hereafter... I am so weakened by everything, am not able to think straight

May Allah have Mercy n peace on all of us

asked 101 may%20Allah%20bless%20us%20all's gravatar image

Dear sister , Peace be upon you , You should not tell any such things to your prospective husband and so you dont need to. Many a times husband may accept you out of generosity and mercy but when he will be angry or frustrated with you [ As it happens in all married life , that sometimes husband and wife has argumentation] it may be that he may taunt you based on your past. It may be that he may tell these things to his family members and it may spread out and cause trouble to you. Infact islamically you are not supposed to tell your unfortunate past to your husband... Prophet peace be upon him has said in one of the hadeeth that Do not open out something which Allah has hidden for you.. If it is the wish of Allah that your past is kept hidden from your better half , then let it remain as it is. So , Islam says that your are not suppose to talk about your past sin except to Allah (in the form of repentance) so this is the advice you should take. DONT TELL ABOUT YOUR PAST TO YOUR PROSPECTIVE HUSBAND......................... Finally , I am a man and I believe (god forbid) that If I get a wife with such past then I prefer her not to tell me about her past and live in present in a respectful and Islamic manner. There is no point in head scratching in the past and what is important is the future..... As far as not bleeding (when you have sexual intercourse for the first time)is concern , then that is not such a matter of concern as not every women bleed having sex for the first time. Bleeding takes place due to hymen rupture. And the reason for hymen rupture may be many like cycling, heavy exercise , shocking blow on one's vaginal area , masturbation , active in sports etc. I dont think any educated and graceful person will ask his wife the question that why she did not bleed after intercourse. But If your husband ask this question to you , then you can give any such reason which I have mentioned above. Also , You may google it related to hymen rupture and get more info on that. If you further have any query then you may reply me.... May Allah do good for you and all people across the globe. Ameen Allah Knows the best........

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answered 804 Ahmadomar's gravatar image

I think telling your husband to be your problem will be a good idea. Do not start a new life with lies or hiding things if he truely loves you he will understand May Allah guide us to the right part.....Ameen

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answered 151 missme's gravatar image

Alhamdulillah, I have been able to cope up by Allah (swt) grace alone...

but I scare won't it be a lie to my husband for life...

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answered 101 may%20Allah%20bless%20us%20all's gravatar image

aww,

Wow! you seem like a very strong sister. May Allah give tou more strength and punish the criminal who raped you.

You do not need to tell your new husband. If he asks why you are not bleeding on the first night, just tell him you were injured when you were younger and bled then, and that a lot of women dont bleed on the first night.

As you become more attached to your husband, you will open up more, and at that point, you may feel confident to tell him what really happened. if he loves you , he will be sympathetic, but dont tell him from the start, as this may lead to problems and him resenting you.

wwb

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answered 1792 mufti%20saab's gravatar image

Well done my sister!

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answered 23428 Faisal26's gravatar image

Insha' Allah... jazakallah khayran...

All praise to the Almighty for giving me a hopeful light ahead, only He knows what's to come, and whatever has happened is for the best to cum ... In sha' Allah

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answered 101 may%20Allah%20bless%20us%20all's gravatar image

Look sister. Its very difficult to hide something which is apparent. You could try avoiding this conversation. But I guess it might be worth even telling him as he is your husband hu u will be spending the rest of ur life with but thats ur choice. Remember if he is meant to be with u forever nothing will be able to break you...

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answered 23428 Faisal26's gravatar image
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Asked: Nov 29 '13 at 01:00

Seen: 1,863 times

Last updated: Dec 10 '13 at 12:41


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