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Me and my fiance are a good match for each other, very devoted Muslims, but his father does approve of our marraige because I am a convert. Will Allah bless our marraige union if we decide to marry? His mother and other family approve of our marraige, but his father is difficult and wants him to marry a local girl. My fiance love each other so much, please advise.

asked 101 lovesick's gravatar image

I think you should convince them for this marriage. If you do with their consent you will be blessed by their prayers try to convince them

answered 03 saleemkhan's gravatar image

Salam, it's not haram BUT it's better if you don't get married because Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4940 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar I had a wife whom I loved but whom (my father) Umar disliked. He told me to divorce her and when I refused, Umar went to Allah's Messenger (saws) and mentioned the matter to him. Allah's Messenger (saws) then told me to divorce her. Which means his fathers approval is greater than your match and love.

answered 1168 Miss%20Question's gravatar image

You have misunderstood the hadith. Umar (ra) was an incredibly wise man, giving his son wise advice. His son refused to listen, so Umar (ra) went and told the Prophet (Saw), who also agreed it was in ibn Umar's interest to divorce his wife (he was too attached to her, such that she was stopping him from his regular additional acts of worship).

Ibn Umar (ra) might have disobeyed his father, but he wouldnt disobey the Prophet (Saw), which is why he divorced her (just one divorce). Once the separation was done, and ibn umar apologised, Umar (ra) allowed his son to remarry her, and they did.

(Dec 06 '13 at 14:51) mufti saab mufti%20saab's gravatar image

thus, the command to divorce was only a temporary one, in ibn Umar (ra)'s interests, and ultimately, they ibn umar (ra) and his wife did not remain permanantly separated, but remarried later.

thus, this hadith is not proof that a son must divorce or not marry a woman based on the command of his father. if the father is wise, it is in the best interests of the son to listen, but where the father is being unreasonable (As in this case) then obeying the father is not compulsory.


(Dec 06 '13 at 14:51) mufti saab mufti%20saab's gravatar image


Islam lays a lot of emphasis on a person keeping his parents happy. The Prophet (saw) has said, "Allah is happy when your parents are happy, and Allah is angry when your parents are angry", so he should try what he can to keep his parents happy.

At the same time, the Prophet (Saw) has said, that when an appropriate partner is found (for a man or woman), then the parent or guardian should get them married.

In that sense, if you really are a good person, it is wrong for his father to stop you two getting married. But he is in a difficult situation too, as he should try to keep his parents happy too.

From a legal perspective, he doesnt need permission from his father to marry, so if he wants to go ahead with the marriage, it is done.

However, my advice is for you to give him time to convince his father. You should meet the mother, and other female relatives, take them out for meals, socialise with them, etc, and get gifts for the father on Eid day, and other celebrations, so that you become more like family. If the mother is happy, she may be able to slowly convince him to let the two of you marry, and a marriage that has the blessing and happiness of both parents is always going to be more successful than one that only has the support of one parent.

May Allah make it easy for you, and may he make the father agree to letting him marry you. ameem


answered 1842 mufti%20saab's gravatar image
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Asked: Dec 06 '13 at 05:53

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Last updated: Dec 08 '13 at 09:44

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