Assalamualykum I have a question regarding my parents. I am 27 years old a Muslim from the Philippines. Since I was a child my parents have never actually rared me, even my brothers and sisters. We grew up by the care and financial support of our grandparents. Every time my mothers gives birth she passed on her responsibilities of taking care of us to her parents. According to my grand parents, my parents always ask financial support from them even though they have business. They are doing this until their parents died. I got married because of my grand parents money without any cent from them. My sister too got married and they took all her mahar. They always ask money from me and my sister. We never asked money from them because We dont want them to have problems on us. If they ask money from us, we gave them if we have but if we don't have money, no matter how we explained, they keep on insisting for us to find them some money even if it cost us to do bad things. I understand they are going some hardship in business but me and my sister also does going some hardship. Me and my sister are just minimum wage earner and every time we explain it to our parents they always say bad words to us and most of the time they cursed us, if we won't give some money. They only get in touched with us if they are going to ask money. May Allah forgive me, if I am doing a bad thing but I really love them I do, infact I'm doing my best to be successful in work to help them but I think they are too abusive to us. Every time we don't have something to give them they cursed us and forgetting all the help we have given them. I don't understand my Father is Muslim and I always find out he is lying with his reasons for asking money. They' been doing this to their late parents and now to us. What will I do with this situation? I also have my own children.I always ask Allah,to enlighten my parents mind and heart. The other day that I have refused to give they threatened to disown us
Assalaam Alaikum wa rahmatullah, Dear brother, parents don’t always get it right just because they ARE parents. I know that with some parents, they do a great job of parenting; others struggle to get it right. None are perfect, as we ourselves are not, so we must forgive them.
Your parents do not have any excuse for bad behaviour, harsh words or the ugliest of habits...cursing. It is disheartening to see this behaviour from some parents as we expect parents to know better due to their years of maturity and opportunities to learn better ways.
From what you have stated dear brother, it is clear to see that your parents are falling short of adhering to the true guidelines and teachings of Islam. This is their first and utmost mistake. Were they to seek Allah Subhana wa ta’ala’s help in all sincerity, they would find ease in every difficulty.
I advise you to speak with them kindly and remind them of Allah Almighty’s presence, His full awareness of what is going on, His hearing of the words which they speak.
My advice to you is to help your parents to the limit which you are able. If they are housed, clothed, have food on the table and their ‘reasonable ‘everyday needs and expenses are met, then they are not in poverty or hardship. Ensure that you meet your family’s needs with equal responsibility.
Whatever over and above these ‘reasonable’ expenses your parents are demanding, then be firm and stand your ground, especially if you are asked to do something which is haraam, then do not do it.
You stated: “....they keep on insisting for us to find them some money even if it cost us to do bad things.”
This is not right. There are limits to obeying the parents. One should obey the parents in whatever they ask one to do, except if they ask to commit a sin and disobey Allah Subhana wa ta’ala, then there is no obedience to them, as there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator.
And Allah Subhana wa ta’ala says:
Say, "Indeed I fear, if I should disobey my Lord, the punishment of a tremendous Day."(39:13)
Dear brother, try to assist your parents in acquiring strong aqeedah; this will benefit them much more than money and material things. As for their ways and the part they played in your upbringing, forgive them and pray that Allah Subhana wa ta’ala has mercy on them and He is the BEST of Judges. May Allah Subhana wa ta’ala pave your way and make it easy for you. Salaam