Salam Alaikum, brothers and sisters! I am looking for advice, so I turn to your forum for some Islamic advice. I am currently going though major marriage issues. But let me start from the beginning. I met my wife 3 years ago. We met through an Islamic event. To be honest, I went through some life/death issues, well I had a very close call to death. And this pushed me into asking forgiveness and praying a lot. After facing a close call to death. I realized I was missing a lot in life. Prior to that I was somewhat successful financially and work related. But after that. I made it my mission to study and read the Quran and seek out my wife. The first muslim I met in person, I slowly fell in love with. We became close friends, confidants and well partners. She had given up on love. Prior to me, she fell in love with a man, and he used her financially and maybe physically as well. Her family refused her to marry him. And was forcing her to marry someone from their family. She refused to and was casted a black sheep of her family. Her family and her had many communication issues, and was very much dysfunctional. When I first spoke with her, I asked that she tell her family about me and I would tell my family about her. My family loves me and would support any decision I would make. She did after 6 weeks of regular contact. And my family and I went to her parents family to ask for her hand in marriage. Next day she was in all tears, because her family refused or found too many faults in me. Issue with my education (I am educated, but I guess they wanted more, I am more educated than their daughter), issue with my line of work (I am self employed, they wanted someone employed), issues (that I may have been married before, why am I thinking of marrying her, own insecurities). Anyways, I told her it would be alright. If they had any issues I would reassure them. Months passed and we still kept in regular contact. At this point we were in love. We invited her family to our home, and my parents asked for her hand. Her mother refused! Her father was ok with it. But her mother refused. She said your son is young, why marry now? He can wait. Why her? He can find others. Anyways made a huge stink about it. My family was like this is what you want. I still said yes. Anyways, her mother asked around about me, all she got as answers was they didn't know much about me. It made her more suspicious. And cruely she refused her daughter from seeing me or doing anything with me. Even told her to stop working, so she would be home. Note my wife had been working since she was 16 and I believe helping her family financially from day 1. She told me as young, her mother never said ever to her that she loved her or was proud of her. She was always lacking that. Me on the contrary everyone in my family or extended family or relatives or even friends, I am pretty muched liked and lucky to have been loved. Anyways time passed, but our meetings never stopped. I asked her to elope with me. They are refusing us, without any grounds, and after some time she agreed. To us it was better than zina or us breaking a part. We got married by the court. And well it wasn't an Islamic marriage told her family. They were furious and wanted it annulled. We refused. And finally had them be a part of the nikah so married for real. Never consummated the marriage until the nikah and ruksat at the mosque. She was very happy, but her family looked mad and sad at the same time. At the time of the nikah, I asked for forgiveness and asked to start fresh with them. I always wanted to have good relations with my inlaws. A few days later, when she spoke to them, she changed. She changed the way she loved me, she fought with me constantly, we planned to live with my parents for 2-3 years, and now this was unacceptable to her, she wanted to move out asap. And she complained, bickered, and attacked me and found fault with my family for ever little thing. I let her work, never took anything from her (still suspected she was helping her family financially). Whenever she wanted to visit them I dropped her off and picked her up. I stopped visiting them. After a few days after my nikah they became very rude to me and made me feel very low. If she was sick I would miss work, I would rotate my schedule to her schedule. After a year. If we had issues, instead of bottling it up. I would write her an email and explain what she was doing to me. At she had an ability to only recall her side. Never from my perspective. Nonetheless I loved (still love) her. We would go out a lot. Anyways I always tried to keep her happy. After he last fight with me. I wrote her an email telling her I am staying at my parents for 2-3 years (1.5 years done so 6 month to 1 year more). She was furious. She fought and said its best I leave. She packed everything. I mean everything, even the smallest items. And left. I asked her to stop she said too late and left. I couldn't face her at the time and went for a drive and basically sobbed at what my life had become. A couple days later I went to her father and asked for her back he said he would let me know what he thinks next day. Next day he asked me for a divorce. I was shocked I contacted her family and no one responded. Weeks later and she did, we started meeting again. I said I am moving out (which was her biggest issue) and which I did. She said well you need to win me over and fight for me. She said in many occasions she loved me and I was her soul mate. But then would have no contact as into pushing me to go through clearance and promises to her family. Which I refused. They didn't get back to me then why would I go through we are married. She even said why not get divorced and then married again to each other and right. I said if we were to divorce I would make the same mistake again. After I moved into my new place, I told her I expected her to come with me. Originally she led me to believe she would. But didn't. I said she betrayed me. Anyways, we haven't been in contact for weeks (she moved out almost 5 months ago). I know she loves me, but I know she made promises to her family that I would go through them or not at all. And they would not talk to her again if she went with me without their clearance. Anyways, I am in this situation. I miss my family madly, my wife still didn't come. But I have new found liberties such as independence (which does feel good) and ever since she has left me I have put all my effort at my work and with friends. And business wise, times couldn't be any better because prior to work she was my number 1 priority now she isn't. Why should I do, I still love her, but I cant go through her family. I just cant, not even ego, I just couldn't face myself even if I got her back or didn't. Second, she has gotten some love from her mother, which she didn't have before ever since she left me. I think because she left them to marry me they have some psychological issues or playing games where they must win. Also my wife, is very emotional and her moods are up and down. We don't talk like we used to because of this. I know she misses me and regrets she left. But we are were we are. Any advice would help. Thanks

asked 101 ali_k100's gravatar image
edited Jan 01 at 01:11
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Asked: Jan 01 at 01:08

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Last updated: Jan 01 at 01:11

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