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I'M SORRY IT'S SO LONG :( BUT PLEASE READ AND GIVE ME ANY ADVICE ! I CAN'T FIND HELP ANYWHERE ELSE :( I'M SO LOST

As salam alaikum :)I'm a red indian ( Catwaba and Navajo nations ) I desperately need some advice ! My question is very very very long and I've typed into so many Islamic advice websites without getting any response and I'm getting tired of repeating so much so ill just shorten it. I met an amazing boy on the internet in July of 2011. I was going through extremely bad depression and I was attempting suicide at time because of being raped and abused physically and mentally by my mother. Memories of being raped and molested by my cousin made me go crazy and I felt so disgusted with myself and useless. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. My mom was abusive because she had just recorved from cancer and the kemo therapy messed with her brain , also she was very stressed being a single mother. I couldn't get support from her or talk with my friends about it because I was too ashamed of myself even though it wasn't my fault I was raped ( I thought it was at the time ) so I found comfort talking to strangers because I thought I'd never meet them and I didn't feel embarrassed discussing what had happened to me.In July I found a boy named Sahil ( Sahil isn't his real name , I thought it would be better not to say his real name lol ). I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTIONS OF FLIRTY OR GETTING A BOYFRIEND !!! I don't like pre martial relationships. I've seen them lead to so much heart break and shame because of doing sex and regretting it. So i have never been in one. Anyway the first thing I noticed about Sahil was how friendly , polite and funny he was. We started chatting on facebook and it was innocent. He would and still does , ask me A LOT of random questions and ssilly questions lol. It made me feel good about myself during my dark time to have someone seem so interested in sincerely getting to know me as a person. Anyway months go by of chatting as friends and we started becoming very close. Another 3-4 months go by and we started saying I love you. I don't even know who said it first or exactly when we started saying it but it came so naturally ! And ofcourse I loved him , he's my bestest friend :) Then we considered ourselves ' boyfriend and girlfriend ' even though that's term is an immature way to describe our relationship. We've skyped( video chatted ) and ggave eachother pictures ( not sexual ones ever !!! ) and videos. So I know he is real and he knows I am real :) he lives in Delhi and is in first year of college for engineering and he's 18. I am 16 but I'm very mature for my age because of going through extremely hard times. About a year ago he brought up marriage and said that if we marry I'd have to convert to Islam. I was completely open to learning about Islam and after learning I would decide for myself , not just to be with him. I would never choose a religion forsomeone bbecause I need to love , understand and completely believe in my religion since it should be your lay of life. He would send me almost 100's of messages about Islam and I fell in love with it ! It's perfect and makes more sense than anything in the world. I didn't have a religion before Islam because red Indians are more spiritual than religious. So I wasn't born into any religion. I can't thank Sahil enough for helping me come to Islam :D. Anyway , Sahil and I are the closest friends in the world , we talk like guys talk to eachother hahaha. I am ladylike but we enjoy talking about stool ( poop) and joking with eachother so much. Talking like ' boyfriend and girlfriend ' isssomething we rarely do. But but enjoy talking about more than anything is our future. Where we'll rase kids , things to do in the future , our goals , our dreams and everything along those lines. We even discuss the sad possibitly of us not liking eachother when we meet. But Sahil hasn't told him parents about me :/ now you see my problem. His parents aren't extremely strict and they're very nice. But he's afraid of them never talking to him again after he tells them. I think once they talk to me everything will be perfectlyfine . To prove to them that I have good intentions and that I'm a real and good choice to be his wife I'm saving up money to go meet him and his parents in June. I'm working a part time job and selling things I weave. I understand our relationship isn't exactly right but I really want to make right in the eyes of Allah. I don't want to sin anymore :( but I can't stop talking to my best friend. And we do not talk sexually or flirt a lot. We're mature about our relationship and face the fact that we might not be able to be together. But I will fight for him. He's my best friend , and he brought me to Islam. I can never thank him enough and I can't live without him. I'm sure I'm sounding silly but this isn't something childish.

My question is , how do I impress his parents ???? How do I show them I am serious and help them not to be too angry at him ? The only reason he hasn't told sooner is because he's afraid of hurting them , because he loves them too much. I have weaved his my mother and sister beautiful purses and got his father and brother nice gifts to give for allowing me to visit them when I go there Insha Allah :) Please help me anyone !! I need advice about this , I'm afraid for him. What would you do if you were Sahils parents ? If you were his parents what would you like for me to do ? I'm not trying to make this relationship seem less of a sin. I know I am doing wrong but I need to make this right somehow Insha Allah please help

Please :(

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answered 103 redgirl's gravatar image

It's simple, just be kind, polite, helpful and give them deference. Your question and the way you talk shows that you'll do a good job and you'll just be fine.

Best of luck to you :) And congrats on becoming muslim!

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answered 10 noorodeen's gravatar image

Asalaam o alaikum, sister, Welcome to Islam, and may Allah bless you and guide you.

I hope you are not intending to travel alone to Delhi. You are very young and would need a wali with you., that is a friend, female, or a male member of your family. But rather in this circumstance it would be better to expect Sahil, to visit you. Why are you having to visit him??. Just dont feel to eager and pressured to go to Delhi. Please.

As this is an intermet affair, you have no idea what you will face when you get to Delhi. You will find that the reason Sahil has not told his parents is that you are not of his cast or culture. Most Asian families prefer to have their own sect, cast, marry one another. This is most prevalent in any society or country that they live in. There are of course exceptions that will welcome you in to their families.

So I advise that you ask Sahil to visit you, by explaining that you are a young women and it is not advisable that you should travel, but rather it would be more seemly that the man should visit the women.

If you do meet the family, just be yourself, and dont try to over think things or try to impress, as this can make you look false and not sincere. As you are new to Islam, and they will be aware of this, then you are excused by lack of knowledge, and this can seem a chance for them to teach you a little, and most sincere Muslims will want to help you out. So dont worry about this, we all have to start some where. Not even born Muslims, have much knowledge about Islam !

Take care and dont make any rash decisions and think about things very carefully. There will be some young man very near you in your local Muslim community that just might be the man for you, Allah knows best. So go into your local Muslim community and ask some sisters for advice and guidance, more relevant for you and at nearby hands to you. By looking so far away, is perhaps not the best solution, as you are new to Islam. Why go to extremes , when things close by can be so much easier.

Also I think too, that you should concentrate on learning about Islam a bit more before doing much else. Firstly pre marital affairs are Haram and strictly forbidden. Secondly, learn to find peace of mind by reading the Quran also, in English is fine to start with. Try to recognise the humility and guidence on offer. Thirdly, you must now refrain from speaking ill of your family or any such family matters out in the open again. These matters are now between you and Allah. Allah made you suffer for a reason, so take it as a blessing in disguise, and you will certainly be blessed and rewarded for such. Allah knows best.

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answered 3487 abyadgirl's gravatar image
edited Jan 07 at 14:11
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Asked: Jan 02 at 21:43

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Last updated: Jan 07 at 14:11



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