I know I might sound selfies but I am the total opposite, I am a caring person who always puts others first. I have had a very hard life from my childhood to now. Both me and my son are new reverts to Islam, we have been a Muslim for 4 months now, even though I feel better within myself since becoming a Muslim, I still feel like I will not have any good in my life. My partner of 5 years left me a few days ago, this has broken my heart as I thought I would truly spend the rest on life with him. It's been so hard to look at the positives in my life as he just walked out of the house without even telling me he didn't want to be with me. I understand the reason why he left as his family which are also Muslim did not want him to be with me because I am mixed race (black and white). I am happy for him because I know his got his family back but my heart is breaking inside And all I can think in my head is that am never going to be expect in any family or have a relationship with someone because of my race and because I have a son to someone else. I don't understand why I feel as though am never going to be happy.
Assalaam Alaikum wa rahmatullah, Dear Sister, you have taken the right path by reverting to Islam. You are embracing the true religion because this is the religion of Allah the Supreme, and He does not accept any other religion from His slaves, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]
The feeling that you speak of, which you feel within yourself since reverting is akin to a beautiful pearl being formed in an oyster shell and believe me, if you keep on Allah’s path and with time, this feeling you are experiencing will grow and strengthen and this is a powerful state of being which will ultimately be your strength, guidance and protection for LIFE. It is sad to hear that your partner has walked out in such a way. It is equally sad to hear that these people, who should know better, are demonstrating a racist attitude towards you which has no place in Islam. We are all brothers and sisters in Islam and this bond binds us together and should transcend everything else.
Sister, I would advise you to keep close to Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala and refer all matters to Him. Those who are wronged and going through hardships, their sincere prayers are always heard and be sure of Allah’s love and mercy. If you are sincere towards Allah, He will help you to overcome your difficulties and feelings of sadness that you are experiencing towards your husband and his family. You really do not know how Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala will help you and what your future holds BUT you do know that He will always be there for you as long as you turn to Him and remember Him:
“Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying), I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favors on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.” Quran (2:152)
Narrated Abu Hurairah The Prophet said,
"Allah says, I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am Able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than them; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running. (Sahih Al-Bukhâri, Vol.9, Hadîth No.502).
I also want to mention something about your son. Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala gave you this precious gift and you need to always cherish it and be grateful to Him. Your boy is your treasure and no man worth having in your life is going to reject you because of him. Such a man (who rejects you because of your son) is not worth your time or love. Insha’Allah, in time, you will meet a good man and look back and smile. You will be happy. I know you are hurting now and this is natural but these feelings WILL pass and you will begin to feel stronger. May Allah bless you and your son and guide you every step of the way. Ameen.
As you read this, just remember the Ayats below.
I am so ashamed to hear that has happened to you. Honestly, I really am so sorry. No Muslim should judge upon color.
I understand that you are upset, that you may not be feeling like things have changes much even after you've come into Islam. But really, don't believe yourself when you say things like 'I'm never going to be happy.'
I know that when I was very small, my aunt said something like this to me, she said: 'this is why you shouldn't love people on earth as much as you should love Allah, Allah will never leave, but they will always go.' Just keep holding on to Allah's rope, and honestly, I know with my heart that Allah has a better day for you. I really do.
My aunt is a woman who went through something similar to you. Her husband left her for another woman, and she resorted to harming herself at times, she had two small children. She was very, very depressed, and felt lonely, and she'd done nothing wrong, always doing good to others. What I mean to say is that just keep holding your hope in Allah, because through all of that, there is ease. Allah tests the ones he wants in Jannah. You sound like this is your last breath. Trust me, it'll get better. In-Sha-Allah. It will get better. I can't say it is easy to forget, and even forgive, but I really believe that there is good coming for you. There is always good for those who wait.
My aunt is sitting ten minutes away from the Kabah right now. Allah brought her all the way from England to so close to his house. It is human nature to think of the worst when you're feeling the worse, but just remember that there is good out there, and like Allah says: "With Hardship [will be] ease."
May Allah grant you ease. In-sha-Allah.