So I know this is bad and I know I'm going I To get judged and I know most people are going to say how taking my age in thought I don't know what I'm saying or doing but I'd just kindly like to point out I'm sure of what I want and I'm aware of my mistakes I also know where I've gone wrong and that I'll need to repent so here goes
I'm 14 almost 15 yes I'm still a teen and I have or had a boyfriend.. We've broke up twice once before because his parents found out and once now because his parents found out, the last time his parents found out and we broke up I told him I respect his parents and we shouldn't date we should sorta wait (let me point out he isn't and wasn't using me for any physical activity I know this because despite that we have kissed and what not he didn't make a move till really later on and he didn't get over me when I don't speak to him for over a month also I am his first girlfriend and his first crush, he's 2 years older than me btw) so yh I told him we should wait but we still kept contact and somehow ended up going out again, now when his parents found out his mum didn't take it lightly and he really loves his parents so we both decided to split, he had been actin really odd with me but he's spoken to other girls, not flirting just talking but the girl he'd been talking to dislikes me and I dislike her and she has filled his head with a bunch of lies and now I'm scared I'll lose him I don't want to lose him because to some people a simple kiss might not be all big but in my eyes we've done a bit to much to just forget it now, I'm willing to do anything pray or anything to make sure he's in my future the halal way, his mum wasn't to happy after knowing what we had going on and don't think she's a fan of me but all we both know at the moment is we actually love each other a lot, if I were in my 20s then without a doubt we would have gotten engaged but I'm still very young at the moment please help me tell me how I can ask Allah (swt) for this one guy and I know he's right for me because ever since we broke up I've been getting closer to Allah (swt) looking at articles and prayers such as israkara
Honestly if you're going to say your still a child oh know nothing and stuff then please just don't it's bad as it is and I've started to feel physically sick at how I got close to someone before marriage if I could I would change it so I made sure I never opened up to him till later on but I can't and I know I love him as I've had a bf before him which wasn't for long I promise and we didn't do anythin but when we broke up I was upset for a day or two then normal straight after but with him when we broke up the first time i was just in the shitest of moods for over a week till the day we got back.
I'm not going to get back with him because I respect his parents and if they said they want us both well away and stuff then I do want that but however I want to be with him in future and I know he does too but it's really hard right now we're extremely confused and hurt and just in a shit state please please please help us and please please please pray that we are together in future as i will never be able to allow another male into my life please pray for those that do I will pray to god to give you Jannat ul firdhous
Please please please pray we end up together please involve me your Muslim sister in your prayers please I'll be forever thankful thankyou