I'm very unhappy in my marriage lately. I have been married for a year and a half now and live with in-laws. Within this short time I have dealt with numerous issues with my husband. I found him registered on a haraam website (not to go into too much detail) but this contained nude females. He denied ever registering on the site and we worked through this. I then found him registered in a dating site and looking through his social media and youtube history have seen that he has been looking at inappropriate images and videos. I have confronted him on many occasions but some how he always seems to have excuses and wins the argument. I am at loss as to what to do. I feel disrespected and I cannot trust him. Despite seeing how upset it makes me and despite it being haraam he still continues. Further to this we also have another personal problem. My husband is unable to ejaculate and thus wr have had problems having intercourse. I would really like to start a family soon but that is slowly looking close to impossible. I would like to know whether this is sufficient grounds to divorce my husband.

asked 101 sistersister's gravatar image
edited Jan 15 at 19:13

Sis have you got children?

(Jan 16 at 15:25) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

No, I mentioned above we are having problems conceiving and I would really like to have children

(Jan 16 at 15:37) sistersister sistersister's gravatar image

Salam

If he is watching inappropriate things or image then try to block that site by downloading http://www.thewebblocker.com/download/

And then block the site by putting its address

If your husband has a problem with ejaculating or intercourse then take him to a doctor and tell him what is wrong with him because they can prescribe him medicine or something which will help him

REMEMBER GIVING DIVORCE IS THE LAST OPTION !

Salam wa rahmutallahi wa baraktuhu

Jazakallah krie

(Jan 16 at 15:44) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Divorce is permitted in Islam as a last resort if it is not possible to continue a marriage. Certain steps need to be taken to ensure that all options have been exhausted and both parties are treated with respect and justice. In Islam, married life is described as one filled with mercy, compassion, and tranquility. Marriage is a great blessing. Each partner in the marriage has certain rights and responsibilities, which are to be fulfilled in a loving way in the best interests of the family.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. When a marriage is in danger, couples are advised to pursue all possible remedies to rebuild the relationship. Divorce is allowed as a last option, but it is discouraged. The Prophet Muhammad once said, "Of all the lawful things, divorce is the most hated by Allah."

For this reason, the first step a couple should make is to really search their hearts, evaluate the relationship, and try to reconcile. All marriages have ups and downs, and this decision should not be arrived at easily. Ask yourself, "Have I really tried everything else?" Evaluate your own needs and weaknesses; think through the consequences. Try to remember the good things about your spouse, and find forgiveness patience in your heart for minor annoyances. Communicate with your spouse about your feelings, fears, and needs. During this step, the assistance of a neutral Islamic counselor may be helpful for some people.

If, after thoroughly evaluating your marriage, you find that there is no other option than divorce, there is no shame in proceeding to the next step. Allah gives divorce as an option because sometimes it is truly the best interest of all concerned. Nobody needs to remain in a situation that causes personal distress, pain, and suffering. In such cases, it is more merciful that you each go your separate ways, peacefully and amicably.

Recognize, though, that Islam outlines certain steps that need to take place both before, during, and after a divorce. The needs of both parties are considered. Any children of the marriage are given top priority. Guidelines are given both for personal behavior and legal process. Following these guidelines may be difficult, especially if one or both spouses feel wronged or angry. Strive to be mature and just. Remember Allah's words in the Quran: "The parties should either hold together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness." (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:229)

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Asalamulakum....im curious to what you mean by he "wins the argument"....what is the nature of the argument when you say he "wins"? Divorce is a very difficult, emotional, and painful experience yet in some cases its necessary. I cannot advocate for divorce as it should be the last resort, however maybe its time to talk to a sheik about your issues first to get an islamic persective. In our cultures today these sites unfortunately have become so normal and customary that some brothers and sisters do not see the harm in it at all. Talk to him(if you havent) about disrespect, how haram they are.. How these sites make you feel hurt..and that your concerns are not exagerations. If you trully believe he is doing inappropriate behavior, then explain to him that his excusses have no validity with you. About his sexual issues...depending on his age...it could be a symptom of other medical problems..which can be very sensitive and embarassing to him or any man. Theres are some good websites that explain possible issues related to his. If talking to him seems to go nowhere..then seek out a sheik..or maybe express you want to seperate for a little to shake his senses....but just let divorce be the final act when all alternatives have failed.

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answered 10 Ayub04's gravatar image

So yesterday night I again came across indecent stuff which he had watched on youtube. I confronted him as I often do because I can't ignore these things. He said he had looked it up to use in a prank call. Yes even at 25 he is immature enough to still be making prank calls. He said he wanted to use the noises to play down the phone. Yesterday evening myself my mother and sister in law had all been out at a ladies evening invite when he did this. I of course find his reasonings hard to believe. Tell me if I'm being irrational seriously. I feel like an idiot for not doing something more dramatic to get through to him. He already knows I find it disrespectful and thats it's haraam yet how many times have we dealt with the same reoccurring issue. Every time he has promised to change yet his phone tells me otherwise. He did admit to watching some stuff to see if it would help with his problems down there but he said he felt no sense of arousal and nothing happened. He is diabetic which may be the reason for why he cannot ejaculate as it's to do with the nerves. We have already been to the doctors and he is currently on medication but nothing seems to be working. I have lost all trust wih him I can't help but think about what he does behind my back or right under my nose. What's left in a relationship when the trust has been broken again and again?

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answered 101 sistersister's gravatar image

If you are sexually unsatisfied then those are grounds to divorce him. He is obviously addicted to porn and doesn't find you attractive. Take him to counselling to get over his addiction and in the meanwhile hit the gym.

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answered 62 AnonymousYouth's gravatar image
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Asked: Jan 15 at 18:48

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Last updated: Mar 01 at 06:32


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