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Salam my Brothers and Sisters

First of all i would like to thank you for taking your time out to read what i am about to say. I honestly do really appreciate it and hope you can all help me some how.

This is pretty daunting for me as I have never seen myself asking a question on the internet in order to seek advice but hey theres a first for everything.

So I have a 20 year old son who is in a romantic relationship with a female who is an Atheist. My son seems to be smitten by her and thinks she is a gift given from Allah to him. They have been in a relationship for 5 years now and this relationship is pretty public compared to other muslim youths who keep it quiet as they fear their parents finding out. My son told me about his relationship after he was 3 years into it. I had told him that he must leave her as its haram in islam to do such things and that he would not be able to marry her as she is not a muslim and his dad would never accept it. Despite me telling him he would lie to me and meet her behind my back. He goes to her house and is allowed into her bedroom despite her father being there. He is publicly seen with her all the time. I was told by a few ladies from the community that my son has been seen holding a girls hand in town etc. I feel quiet embarrased while im writing this.

So finally I had enough and told his father about the relationship. My husband sat him down and explained to him that he would not be marrying this girl therefore to leave her as he is wasting her time. My husband had also given him an ultimatum which was either being with her and leaving his family or staying with his family and leaving her. My son said he wanted to stay with the family however he is still seeing her as he is still being seen with her in public and i have heard his phone conversations with her at night time.

Now brothers and sisters i have my reasons as to why i simply cannot accept him marrying this girl. First of all shes not a muslim. How can we accept a female who all her life has believed there is no god? How can i accept a female who comes from a family in which her father is a drunk and opens the door to my son and happily allows him to enter her room? Her upbringing for sure builds her principles however i am also aware that people can change and that she can convert to Islam and become a good muslim woman however she doesnt want to convert. Second of all i cant accept her because of the person that she is. She is not even married to my son or a part of my family yet has already caused so many problems amongst my kids. She has made countless of lies up about my children and fed them to my son who seems to believe it. She has told my son not to spend money on his family as he has to save up in order to buy a big lavish house for her in the future. She has told my son that i am a selfish mother as i dont want his happiness and that he will not be seeing much of me once they are married. She argues with my son if he takes his sisters somewhere. She says why take those lot and not me?

Brothers and sisters i could go on forever as to how she has created problems within my family.

She also has a very bad image in the community as she dresses inappropriately and has had many relationships with men.

No matter what i say to my son he is blind to this and feels as if i am his enemy and do not want his happiness. I actually feel hopeless and scared that i am soon going to lose my son.

I pray to Allah all the time to help me and to make my son see what we all see but he is oblivious to it.

Could someone please advise me on what to do to help him and stop him from sinning and ruining his life?

It is not too late to stop him now than if he got married.

Thankyou once again

May Allah bless you all

asked 152 motherislam's gravatar image

Ask your son if she is willing to accept Islamic teachings if she loves him too much.

Ask him what will you do of the child? How will you you stop your child from being an atheist as mother has most influence on the child? Will he be able to stop his wife from inappropriately dressings from gaze of evil men? And by Allah those gaze will make him jealous surely if he cares about his wife and this will break their relationship. The child will be traumatized with those constant fights of the parents?

Is he willing to pay the price of his faith on such a woman?

Ask your son as a man to man. Surely disbelievers suffer in hell and let not Satan come an inch of your son. May Allah guide your son. Seek knowledge from Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) if any doubts.

Allah is my witness and to Him I shall return.

answered 8638 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Feb 13 at 18:04

walaykum salam,if all u said above ar true,den d girl doesn't love ur boy at all she only want to turn him against his family.If u hv advised him nd he is not ready to listen to u nor his father,then seek for the help of the islamic scholars in ur community.Get dem to talk to him and preach the word of Allah to him so dat he can leave the girl before it's too late cus if he continue like dis,u might end up loosing him.May Allah help u

answered 153 asmau1996's gravatar image
edited Feb 13 at 09:42


I will keep this short for now. I believe he would most probably grow out of it if he studies Islam and gives more value to it (no offense intended). Islam would help him see better. May Allah guide him and keep him on the right path. What you are doing is only what you can do. Allah tests everyone in different ways. May Allah increase you in strength and ease your task. Don't push him away nor allow him to do as he likes.

answered 334 Jibrail's gravatar image
edited Feb 07 at 19:53

Make dua always, I will keep you in my duas :) Khair inshaAllah

(Feb 07 at 19:56) Jibrail Jibrail's gravatar image

It will be nice if you occupy your son time with more Islamic studing or you should create a chance and talk with the girl as a parent.

(Feb 08 at 10:04) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image
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Asked: Feb 07 at 13:28

Seen: 2,024 times

Last updated: Feb 13 at 18:04

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