Salam my Brothers and Sisters
First of all i would like to thank you for taking your time out to read what i am about to say. I honestly do really appreciate it and hope you can all help me some how.
This is pretty daunting for me as I have never seen myself asking a question on the internet in order to seek advice but hey theres a first for everything.
So I have a 20 year old son who is in a romantic relationship with a female who is an Atheist. My son seems to be smitten by her and thinks she is a gift given from Allah to him. They have been in a relationship for 5 years now and this relationship is pretty public compared to other muslim youths who keep it quiet as they fear their parents finding out. My son told me about his relationship after he was 3 years into it. I had told him that he must leave her as its haram in islam to do such things and that he would not be able to marry her as she is not a muslim and his dad would never accept it. Despite me telling him he would lie to me and meet her behind my back. He goes to her house and is allowed into her bedroom despite her father being there. He is publicly seen with her all the time. I was told by a few ladies from the community that my son has been seen holding a girls hand in town etc. I feel quiet embarrased while im writing this.
So finally I had enough and told his father about the relationship. My husband sat him down and explained to him that he would not be marrying this girl therefore to leave her as he is wasting her time. My husband had also given him an ultimatum which was either being with her and leaving his family or staying with his family and leaving her. My son said he wanted to stay with the family however he is still seeing her as he is still being seen with her in public and i have heard his phone conversations with her at night time.
Now brothers and sisters i have my reasons as to why i simply cannot accept him marrying this girl. First of all shes not a muslim. How can we accept a female who all her life has believed there is no god? How can i accept a female who comes from a family in which her father is a drunk and opens the door to my son and happily allows him to enter her room? Her upbringing for sure builds her principles however i am also aware that people can change and that she can convert to Islam and become a good muslim woman however she doesnt want to convert. Second of all i cant accept her because of the person that she is. She is not even married to my son or a part of my family yet has already caused so many problems amongst my kids. She has made countless of lies up about my children and fed them to my son who seems to believe it. She has told my son not to spend money on his family as he has to save up in order to buy a big lavish house for her in the future. She has told my son that i am a selfish mother as i dont want his happiness and that he will not be seeing much of me once they are married. She argues with my son if he takes his sisters somewhere. She says why take those lot and not me?
Brothers and sisters i could go on forever as to how she has created problems within my family.
She also has a very bad image in the community as she dresses inappropriately and has had many relationships with men.
No matter what i say to my son he is blind to this and feels as if i am his enemy and do not want his happiness. I actually feel hopeless and scared that i am soon going to lose my son.
I pray to Allah all the time to help me and to make my son see what we all see but he is oblivious to it.
Could someone please advise me on what to do to help him and stop him from sinning and ruining his life?
It is not too late to stop him now than if he got married.
Thankyou once again
May Allah bless you all