I know we should thank God for everything, and I do always thank him. But the problem is that I am insecure about myself as a person, heritage and how I was raised. I know this might sound awkward. Its like when I see people of the higher classes and how they are, then I look at myself and its like I have nothing to be proud of! I am not talking about money, we have money alhamdulellah. It is about our family manners, and their personalities, they are just bad people and so greedy! Money really doesn't matter now anymore, because they just suck! I hate my heritage and I hate how my family is like. I hate myself because I carry their DNA and genes! I hate myself and I am embarrassed of myself most of the time. I wish we were better people. Most of the time I have to act as if I am confident, to be able to face life, people and probably accomplish my goals in life, I have to do so simply to just be able to live a normal life, which I know I am never gonna have. My insecurities are destroying me and my life. I thought about suicide many times, but I am a believer in God and hell, but I can't live my life in shame and embarrassment! You have no idea about the bad things my family does! I just wanna put my head on the pillow and never get up again, I just wanna die!
IN THE NAME OF ALLA ! salam.My dear friend, you are a great person. In this world of man is examined. To be patient. The Quran says:2-يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ ( 153 ) O ye who believe! Seek help in steadfastness and prayer. Lo! Allah is with the steadfast. ( 153).The Quran says:27-أَمَّنْ يُجِيبُ الْمُضْطَرَّ إِذَا دَعَاهُ وَيَكْشِفُ السُّوءَ وَيَجْعَلُكُمْ خُلَفَاءَ الْأَرْضِ ۗ أَإِلَٰهٌ مَعَ اللَّهِ ۚ قَلِيلًا مَا تَذَكَّرُونَ ( 62) Is not He (best) Who answereth the wronged one when he crieth unto Him and removeth the evil, and hath made you viceroys of the earth? Is there any Allah beside Allah? Little do they reflect! ( 62 ). On the Day of Resurrection Allah will not ask you who the parents. God asks us to apply.Father Abraham was bad, but he would pray for him. The Quran says:9-وَمَا كَانَ اسْتِغْفَارُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ لِأَبِيهِ إِلَّا عَنْ مَوْعِدَةٍ وَعَدَهَا إِيَّاهُ فَلَمَّا تَبَيَّنَ لَهُ أَنَّهُ عَدُوٌّ لِلَّهِ تَبَرَّأَ مِنْهُ ۚ إِنَّ إِبْرَاهِيمَ لَأَوَّاهٌ حَلِيمٌ ( 114 )The prayer of Abraham for the forgiveness of his father was only because of a promise he had promised him, but when it had become clear unto him that he (his father) was an enemy to Allah he (Abraham) disowned him. Lo! Abraham was soft of heart, long-suffering. ( 114 ). Now you are good to your relatives, though they are bad. Few hadith:Imam Baqir (AS) said:
Three things God has not given anyone permission to leave them.
1 - pay to borrow good man and unfaithful.
2 - to fulfill that covenant to the righteous, and the unfaithful.
3 - good parents, good or unfaithful and slipshod work.
Bihar al-Anwar, vol 74, p 56...In the writings of Imam Reza (AS) Mamoon noted:
Goodness is incumbent upon the parents are polytheists and infidels, in sin do not obey them.
Bihar al-Anwar, vol 74, p 72.