I am a 21 year girl, living in a modern society. I was born from a Christian father and a non-practicing Muslim mother. My father is now dead and I have been raised as a Muslim, but with no real guidance or religious influence around me besides my friends and the internet.
For a long time I thought I was not really a Muslim as my dad had not converted to the religion and everyone told me, a child takes after his or her father's religion. I asked my mother, and she claims it was decided that myself and my siblings would be born into the Islamic faith.
Heading into adult hood, I am still quite confused and lost within my religion. I feel embarrassed and scared that I have no one to ask about religion or advice on become more actively involved in my religion. I would like to learn to make salaah correctly and somehow change my lifestyle according to Islamic rules, which I have been sucked into.
According to islam I have also committed great sin. I drink, have had pre-marital sex and currently in a 3 year relationship with a Muslim man who I intend to marry, however, he has not had much guidance in religion either. We both have also been sexually active with people before our relationship currently. it is difficult between us as I have been taught much of the mannerisms of a westernized woman with regards to the role of a woman and the amount of freedom I have in my society. As a couple who intend on marrying, how do we go about reconstructing our relationship. I know we are not ready to get married, but how do we stay together without it being regarded as a sin?
I am so scared that my own children will end up like me if I don't try to move my life in a better direction, where I can feel at peace and not scared that I will end up burning alone in hell. How do I begin to move towards a closer relationship with god and build a religious foundation for my partner and I's future?