aoa my name is syed jamal anwar and i lived in gujrat pakistan, by profession i am teacher. from last 6 months i am in deep trouble. Main bhut pershan hun. aj sae 6 months phalae meraee walda kee death ho gayee thee. Uss kae bad sae aj tak mujhay ek pal bhee sakoon nahee aya, mujhay apna ap bhut gunnah gar lagta hae. Mujhay assa lagta hae kae main apnaee walda ka mujram hun, main nae unn kae sath acha Salook nahee kia. .. main ap ko ab apna pura masla battata hun. Mare walda cardic theein matlab unn ko dil ka meraz tha, aj sae two years phalee unn kafi meraz berh gaya tha, ham walda ko multan laee gayee aur wahan sae unn ko stunt parwaya. Jab walda stunt parwa kar multan sae wapis ayainee tu ek dam unn ko depression ho gaya aur unhow nae har kam chorr dia, yehan tak kae wo khanee main bheee interest nahee latinee thinee. Main walda ko stunt dalwa kar wapis gujrat aa gaya kyun kae main gujrat main job karta tha. Inn dinow main mera phd main admission ho gaya Islamabad main aur main Islamabad chala gaya. Mare walda aur wald sahib aklee sheikhpura main rehatee thay. Walda kee care walad sahib hee kartee thay, main walad sahib ko bhut kehtta tha kaee ap amee ko gujrat laee ayin yehan par hammrae sath rehnaee sae unn ka depression behtar ho jayee ga lekin meraee walid sahab yeh bat nahee manatee thay aur wo amee kae sath aklaee sheikhpura main rehatee rahay, main nae bhut kosash kee kae wo amee ko gujrat laee ayine lekin won a manne, walda ka depression theek na hua, main walad sahab ko kaha kae amee ko kissee demagee doctor ko dekhana chahyiaee lekin wo iss par bhee na manee aur main khamosh ho gaya. Main har 15 ya 30 days kae bad sheikhpura ka chakkar lagta tha, amee aur abu ko milnaee kae liae. January 2013 main sheikhpura gaya hua tha tu meraee amee kee chukalee kee hadee tut gayee aur wo makmall tur par bed par aa gayinee. Wo wash room bhaee nahee ja saktee theine, ham unn ko pamper lagtaee thay aur unn ko saf karnee ka kam ziada tar main kia karta tha, meraa walda kae ear bhee kharab thay aur wo uncha soontie thinee. Kyunkee meraee amee depression kee mareezee thaine iss lia wo bazz dafa bat nahee mantee thinee tu mujhay unn pae sakhtee karnee partee thee, kyun kee wo apnee takleef kae baree main theek tarah sae nahee bata saktinee thinee iss liaee mujhay bazz dafa yeh nahee pata chalta tha kae unn ko kya masla hae. Mujhay inn batonow ka bhut affssos hae aur mujhay apna ap bhut gunnah gar lagta hae. Kyun kaee main phd Islamabad kar raha tha, iss liae main walad sahab ko kaha kae main amee ko gujrat lae jata hun aur wahan par amee kee care karon ga aur app bhaee hamaree sath chailnee lekin walad sahab nae janee sae innkar kar dia aur kaha kae tum apnee amee ko lae jao main nahee janow ga. Main bhut bhoojal dil kae sath amee ko gujrat lae aya lekin walid sahab sath naa ayaee. Lekin phir ekk month kaee bad walad sahab bhaee gujrat aa gayee, main naee walad sahab kook aha tha kae main amee ko chhorr kar Islamabad nahee ja sakta ek din kae liae bhaee iss liaee ap aa jayine tu yehae sun kar abu aa gayee. Main amee kee har tarah sae care karnee kee kosash karta tha, lekin wo depression kee patient thinee iss waja co-operate nahee kartnee thinee jiss kee waja sae mujhay bazz dafa gusa aa jata tha aur main amee sae larta tha aur jhirktaa tha kae app apnaee ap ko theek karnee kee kosash nahee kartinee, main amee par bhut zorr lagta tha kae woo kammow main dilchaspee lain, lekin wo bhut kam dilchasppee laitnee thainee. Main amee par bazz dafa jo sakhtee karta tha mujhay uss ka ab bhut afsoos hota lekin yeh main unn kae bhalaee kae liaee karta tha lekin ab unn kee wafat kae bad mujay assaee lagta haee kae main bhut buraa karta tha aur main apnee walda ka mujram hun, meraee anndar iss chease ka ahasses gunnah bhut ziada hae aur har waqat meraee ankhow kae samnaee akhree 4 months jo main naee amee kae sath guzaree thay rehataee hain, jab amee zinda theinee tu mujhay assa lagta tha kae main joo khuch kar raha hun wo theek hae aur main walda kee bhut khadmiat kar raha hun, lekin jab sae walda fuat huinee hain mujhay assa lagta hae kae main nae sab khuch galat kia hae main nae apnee walada kee koe khaidmat nahee kee, main apnee walda ka gunnah gar hun, kabhee kabhee mujhay assa lagta hae kaee main itna barah gunnah gar hun mujahy khudkhussi kar lanee chahiae. Jab maree ankhow kae samnaee wo manzar attae hain jinn main walda kae sath sakhtee karta tha taa kae woo zindagee main khuch dilchasspee lain tu mera dill karta hae kae main apnaee ap ko kat dalnow, mujhay assae lagta haee kaee amee aur allah talah mujhay kahbee muaf nahee karinee gae . Kindly mujhay guide Karin main kya karon, main apnee walda sae bhut shrminda hun lekin wo tu mujhay chorr kar chalinee gayanee hain, mujhay sakoon nahee atta aur mera koe kam karnee par dill nahee karta, kindly guide what I will do. jiss din maree walda fuat huainee uss din bhaee mujhay assae khayalat ayeee kaee jinn par mujhay yehae yaqeen nahee ata kae yeh khayalat mujhay apnae walda kae baree main ayae hain.tha. 23 may 2013 ko un tezz bukhar hua, main nae unn ko medicine bhae dee aur injection bhaee lagya aur thandaee pani kee patyiane bhaee khanee, lekin bukhar nahee utra, main samjah kae ordinary temperature hae uttar jayee ga, lekin wo na utra aur 300 pm par walda ka achannak sanns ukhar gaya lekin mujhay uss waqat bhaee samjh nahee ayaee kae unn ko heart attach hua hae, main yeh hee samjhta raha kae unn kee yeh halat bukhar kee waja sae hae aur wo jald theek ho jayinee gee, mian uss waqat yeh samjh raha tha kae amee soo rahanee hain aur khharatee lee rahinee hain, main nae apnea walad sahab ko kaha kae ab phir ambulance bulanee paree gee aur amee ko hospital laee kar janna paraee ga, meraee yeh khanee main uss waqat bazaree thee, mujhay yeh samjh nahee attaee kae mare walda mar rahanee thinee aur mujhay iss bat kee samjh nahee aa rahee thee, mujhay iss bat ka bhut affsoos hae, mujhay yeh bat samjh nahee attae kae ekk lamhaee kae liae mujhay bazaree mehsoos kyun huaee kae main nae walda ko utha kar hospital janna hae liken ham forighen unn ko hospital lae gayaee. Mujahy iss bat ka bhut affsoos hae kae amme fuat honaee walanee thinee lekin main nae unn ko hospital laee janee main baezaree ka izhar kia halnakae uss kae forien bad main walda ko hospital laee gaya tha. Mujhay bhut ziada afsoos hae iss bat ka aur kissae waqat mujhay yeh khayal jab ata hae tu mera dill karta hae apnaee ap ko khatam kar lun.wahan unn ka treetment shru hua, main uss waqat bhaee yeh samjhta raha ke walda theek ho jayinee gee, phir doctor nae mujhae bulya aur kaha kae ap dua karin ka ap kee walda batch jayinee lekin wo nahee batchanee gee unn kae batchnaee ka koe chance nahee, main nae junnu hee yeh sunna ronna shru kae dia aur merae dil main yeh khayalat anee shru ho gayaee kae theek hae amee aj hee fuat hoo jayinee, yeh gam jo main nae kal dekhna hae aj dekh leta, mujhaee ussee waqat yeh khayal bhaee aya amee ko bhut takleef thee unn ko isss sae nijatt mil gayaee hae, uss waqat mujhay yeh khyal bhaee aya kae main nae tu unn kee bhut khaidmat kee hae baqee allah kee marzee, ussee waqat mujhay yeh bhaee khyal aya kae meree zamindaree khatam ho gayee hae ab main apnee baqee kam karon ga jaisae main phd kar raha tha lekin walda kee tabiat kharab honaee kee waja sae main nae ussae chorr dia tha. main uss waqat roo bhaee raha tha aur maree andar yeh bhaee feeling thainee kae yeh theek hoo gya hae,uss waqat mareee main khuch assee feeling theee kae main khoosh tha kae walda fuat ho gayinee hain aur sath sath roota bhaee ja raha tha, meraee dill kee bhut ajeeb khalat thee. phir main bhar aa kae beth gaya, meraee dil kee halat uss waqat ajeeb see thee, main khuch bae hisse ho gaya tha aur meraee feeling khuch iss tarah kee thee kae main yeh chha raha tha kae walda fuat hoo jayinee kyun kae wo jitnee bemar hain woo bilkuk hill jul nahee payinee gee. phir doctor nae mujhaee bulya aur kaha kae ap kee walda kee death hoo gayee hae joo kae main chha raha tha aur yeh sun kar main nae rona shru kar dia lekin maree dil main khuch assa tha jo mujhay yeh kahaee raha tha kae yeh theek hoo gaya hae teree zimindaree khatam ho gayee hae, tum ab azad ho, meraee dil main khuch assa tha kae main khoosh tha kae meraee walda fuat ho gayinee hain.main nae jab tak walda ko defna nahee dia mujhay bhut ajeeb ajeeb sae khayalat attae rahee, jasse kae meraee jan choot gayee hae, ab main apnaee baqee kam azadee sae karon ga, ab main azad ho gaya hun, merree yeh kaffeyat uss waqt tak rahee jab tak main nae walda ko dafna nahee dia. walda ko dafnanee kae forighn bad mujhae assa laga kae merea bhut bara nuqsan hoo gaya hae, aur mujhaee laga jassae main khossh main aya gayya hun, uss kae bad mujhay apna ap itnna ghatia laga kae mujhaee apnee walda kae liaee assae khaylat kassee aa gayae jiss kae liaee main jan bhaee qurban kar sakta hun. mujhay yeh khayalat har waqat ahhasas gunnah ka ahhas delataee rehatain hain, mujhay yaqeen nahee ata kae yeh khaylat mujhay kasse aa saktae hain apnee walada kae baree main. kissi waqat mujhaee itna ahassas gunnah hota hae kae mera dil karta hae kae main khudkussi kar lun, mujhay assae lagta hae kae mujhay allah talh aur walda muaf nahee karine gaye, inn khayalat kee waja sae main shadeed depression main chala gaya hun. mera koe kam karnee paar dil nahee karta , meraee dil par bhut bhoj hae kissae waqat mujhay yeh khayalat intnae ziada attae hain kae mujhay assa lagta hae jaissae mera demag phat jaye ga aur merea dil phat jayae ga, mufti sahab kindly mujhay batiene main kya karon, mujhay har waqat walada yad attee rehtee hain, ek second kae liae mera demag unn kee yad sae khallee nahee hota, jis din wo fuat huaee theinee uss din ka e khyalat har waqat mereae demag main attae rehataine hain. meraee andar bhut zizda ahhass gunnha aur shimindagee hae, mufti sahab mujhay guide karein kae main kya karon main kassae inn khaylat sae chhutkara hassl karon, main bhut mushkal main hun iss waja sae mera koe kam karnee par dil nahee karta, mujhay assa lagta hae allah talah mujhay sazza dain rahee hain. mufti sahab mujahe guide karine main kya karon kae allah talah mujhae muaf kar dain aur maree walda bhae, please maree mail ka zaroor jawab digiaee ga main ap ka bhut shukkar guzar hun ga. main ap kae reply ka intazzar karon ga. syed jamal anwar

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Asked: Feb 19 at 15:12

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