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I love a girl from school. She is wonderful and modest, kind and caring, compassionate and beautiful. She is so perfect but she is a Christian who believes that Muslims and Christians can't get married. We have never met exclusively alone and most of our contact is exclusively academic. I love her very much and she cares for me as well. I went on Umrah recently and made duaa after tawaf that if things do not work between us in this life, that Allah guides her and we may have the fortune of working in the next life. Is this wrong? Am I doing something harram. I am very god fearing and I feel like making duaa that one day we will be binded by marriage, in this life or the next, helps me be at peace. PS I have never had sexual relations, had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or held her hand inappropriately etc. Please help I want to marry her; I don't want to date her - I want her to be my wife, not a sexual object or a girlfriend- I want her to be with me and me with her. I want to build a relationship with her but the circumstances in this life seem very unrealistic to allow for this. Any help is appreciable. PSS: We are both 18. Please make duaa like I do, even if it is a simple one, that things will work out eventually.

asked 10 DhulKilf's gravatar image

Salam alayk wa rahmatu-Allah wa barakatuhu

In the name of Allah, Most Beneficent Most Merciful

NB: As I keep reiterating on this website: Such questions should be posed only to Islamic scholars who have the relevant knowledge of Fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and 'Aqeedah (principles of belief). I am only a student of knowledge and am not allowed to issue any rulings.

Dear questioner, I hope this message finds you in the best of health, insha-Allah.

I am a teenager (18 also) like yourself, and a student of Islamic knowledge, as I have already stated. What I state in this message is not a fatwa (a legal verdict), rather it is Naseeha (sincere advise), and the help of an Alim must be sought to clarify the unclear areas, Insha-Allah.

First of all, I would like to applaud you for sticking to your Deen and not compromising yourself sexually, as most teenagers do. Also I applaud you for not wanting to be in an illicit relationship with this girl (as this is prohibited by the Shari'a). I must again applaud you for keeping your communications academic and not making it intimate. And again, I must applaud you for your turning to Allah regarding this matter.

Generally, marriage with non-Muslims is prohibited, with two exceptions: Christians and Jews (collectively Ahl-ul-Kitab; the People of the Book). Allah says in the Glorious Qur'an, in Suratul Maa'idah, Surah 5, what means:

"Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers (Muslims) and chaste women among the people of the book."

So, first of all, this girl is permissible for you. However, it is important to note that many scholars regard such marriage as Makrooh (not preferable) especially when there are many Muslim sisters around. If you are convinced, nonetheless, that she is the one for you, then you are allowed to carry on.

In Islam, the consent of both parties in the marriage is cardinal, so if she does not consent to the marriage based on her own religious views, then you cannot proceed to marry her. And this seems to be your major problem. I am guessing that since you have been able to isolate the major problem preventing you from getting married, then you must have talked about marriage. If the reason for her rejection of marriage is because your religion prevents this, then it behoves on you to correct her misconception (keep it formal).

Make sure, and may Allah help you, that you do not become intimate with this girl. Keep everything formal. Never be alone together, as Allah's Messenger (SAW) has said:

(Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab, Messenger of Allaah {Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam} said): "Whenever a man is alone with a woman shaytan makes a third." [Al-Tirmidhi 3118]

What you should do is to make Istikhara, and if this marriage is best for you, Allah will ease both your ways into it. If it will bring you harm, then Allah will protect you from it (no doubt, and I speak from personal experience regarding Istikhara).

And regarding your question as to whether it was wrong for you to ask Allah to guide her, then it is not. And if you were asking whether it was wrong that you prayed to be united in Jannah if not in this Dunya, then there are some misgivings surrounding the circumstances (and Allah knows best; make sure to ask an Alim, insha-Allah).

The most practical advice I can offer right now is to give her da'wah or give her the Qur'an to read. But be careful not to let things get too chatty between you. The best way to give a person of the opposite sex da'wah is to give them da'wah material and not through direct da'wah as there are many such instances where things go wrong.

The Qur'an is the most powerful Book in the world. there are cases where people have converted after reading just one ayah (as in the time of the Prophet - SAW) or two ayahs (in this 21st century. Those two ayahs were the beginning of al-Baqarah). So you must encourage her to read it; it is the Master and wellspring of all da'wah. Find a creative way to let her read at least one Surah (I suggest Suratul-Maa'idah very strongly).

If you can provide me your e-mail address in the comments area, I will send you a copy of my Comparative Religion Book. It is somewhat a large Book, but if she has the courage to read it, or if you can give her passages from it to read, it may help. A partial copy of the book is available at www.bookrix.com under the search string: 'The Truth revealed' in case you don't want to provide your e-mail (or you can send it to me by private message if you wish)

Keep praying, Insha-Allah, and don't get intimate, for Allah's sake. Pray Istikharah; that is critical.

May Allah grant you that which is best. And He is the One who knows all, and indeed He knows best concerning this matter.

Salam alayk

PS: Please seek an Alim's view.

PPS: Please read this important article http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=2267&CATE=10

PPPS: I hope you are planning on marriage soon, otherwise it may complicate matters and increase the risk of becoming intimate. Seeing that you are eighteen, I am thinking you are not considering marriage very soon.

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answered 281 Nuh%20Uthman's gravatar image
edited Mar 02 at 00:24

I wil pray for u

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answered 10 Sameer94's gravatar image
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Asked: Feb 28 at 21:52

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Last updated: Mar 02 at 00:24



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