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Assalam walaikum warahmatullah wabarakatahu. I have been in utter confusion regarding a lot of things, i need your advice and your help. A little background on me, i come from a family where i have a Muslim mother and a non-Muslim father. Alhamdulillah, i chose Islam as my religion right from when i was 6 years old. My father took a while to accept it, but with my Dua and Allah (swt) rahmat, he eventually did. I went to a co-ed college, there i met a boy who was a christian. We became good friends but that's all. Like many other he was just a friend. I liked his company because he was a christian who was an atheist and we spoke a lot about religion and god. With time, he started asking a lot about Islam and Islamic views on certain topics. I had known him for 3 years and it had been 1 year to all these conversations we were having. One year later he tells me he wants to accept Islam. I was thrilled. Initially when we spoke my motive was not to revert him but as i got to understand him i realized he would make a great Muslim. He took his shahadah. After that it was a journey of learning, teaching, understanding. During this time i don't know what happened i fell in love with him, after sometime i realized he felt the same way. I told my parents, my mother took special care of him and helped him learn Islam properly before we could get married. Then, the time came for him to tell his parents. And that's when everything went wrong, his father and mother ill treated him, cried, tried to make him understand etc. He totally lost his mind, he had a change of heart at least 4 times. But then finally his father got a stroke which totally scared him. His mother started crying in front of him, so he called me and said i cant live without you but my parents will die if i follow islam. Ill get married to you but you will need to accept me as an atheist. I refused. I didn't want a haraam marriage. My question is, i know that he has Islam in his heart. But, his faith dwindled when his parents emotionally black mailed him. What do i do now? I,know Islam says the only time you can go against your parents is when they stand in your way when it comes to Allah (swt). What can i do? Should i perform ishtekhaara, any Dua? Please help me. During the relationship i had with him, i did read Ishtekhaara and asked Allah that if he is not the man for me please take him away. And yet, he stayed for 2 years after that. I also said if Islam in his heart is not true let him go away and after that his faith only got stronger and we fell in love. Please help me, my family was ready to get me married to him and im feeling betrayed that he could just leave Islam after so much.

asked 10 saraanand's gravatar image

Jazakallah khair Abdul for your reply.

The reasons you gave i thought of them too myself, except some. Also, yes i do know about the history and that i cant marry him which i am not even going to think of doing. I believe that somewhere in his heart he has a fear of losing a parent literally or theoretically. But that could just be me pacifying myself. I myself have been through enough with my father to know that when your faith is strong nothing can harm you. Allah swt himself protects you. So, his faith is obviously weak. May Allah

answered 10 saraanand's gravatar image

May Allah swt guide him to the right path, inshallah.

jazakallah khair brother for your reply.

answered 10 saraanand's gravatar image

I don't blame you:of course you -1 because truth is hard to take you love him and he loves you.

"Everything is blind in love and war"

I just gave you information the choice is yours to take.

May Allah guide him. And sister I honestly pray that you BOTH GO TO PARADISE and you have to improve his faith in Islam, and that has become your duty now (if you want him with you not for this world but for the world to come). Good luck and Allah is with you (if you pray to Him).

answered 8588 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Mar 04 at 14:39

اسلام علیکم

I don't know if this is going to help or not but im going to share some thoughts of my own Bukhari hadit The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Shall I tell you of the worst major sins? Worshipping others with Allah, showing disrespect to parents, giving a false statement, and testifying to the truth of a falsehood. " And he kept repeating it until we were telling ourselves (out of sympathy for him because of the strain of repeating it), "If only he would be silent"

So disrespecting your parents will be a greater sin too which scared Sahabas

Islam has endorsed respect for parents by their children even if the parents are non-Muslims. They are still parents and gave birth to them and cherished them bearing the same pains and hardships which are faced by Muslim parents. Consequently, in spite of the religious differences, it is the duty of Muslim children to serve and treat them with kindness, respect and devotion. All parents should also be helped financially and should not be given a chance to complain in worldly affairs. If non-Muslim parents strive to convert their children to non-Islamic beliefs, the children are not to follow them, but they are still to be good to the parents. In this regard Allah (swt) says in Surah Luqman:

"And we have enjoined upon man concerning his parents...his mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto your parents. Unto me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe unto Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the part of him who repents unto Me. Then unto Me will you return, and I shall tell you what you used to do." (Quran 31:14-15

In another Hadit A hypocrite (a person who tells muslim he is a muslim and when goes to kuffar tells he doesn't believe in ALLAH) disrespected Prophet (P.b.u.h) in one of his sitting s with non Muslims. His son was a true beliver of Islam and Muslim. Son came to know about his father's action and got very mad and angry and went to Prophet (P.b.u.h) and ask him for his permission to kill his father. Prophet (p.b.u.h) told him not to do that but instead be kind and polite to his father and fullfill his duties towards his parents. Even if your parents doesn't respect your religion or islam you are still to be kind with them.

In the end I just like to tell that there w as s a man in the life time of Prophet (p.b.u.h) who came to Prophet (p.b.u.h) and asked her non muslum mother had stopped eating and taking care of herself because he became a Muslim. Prophet P.b.u.h told him that he was to be nice to his mother but at the same time not to leave Islam. I hope this help.

answered 10 dost007's gravatar image


Why don't you ask him why he converted? These could be following reasons (also includes weak reasons):

  1. Love (unfortunately he may drop his acting after marriage, and first of all he has to love Allah)
  2. Pleasure (he could be just acting as if he is a Muslim like a hypocrite to get sex)
  3. Impressed by Islam
  4. Impressed by your devotion to Islam
  5. Others that I cant think of currently

It would be interesting to know his current knowledge of Islam. And you might know from history there have been hypocrites who were just actors and their hearts were somewhere else, but actually were Jews (if you studied Islamic history of course).

If he has any questions about Islam I may be able to answer most of them because I know most of the questions they ask. By knowing the type of questions he ask you might be able to determine his faith.

Goals in Islam are,not materialistic but they are to aim for ultimate pleasure and obedience to Allah(swt), and his Rasool (pbuh). Know that you will also get sins if you marry him as a non-muslim (I can even give you quotation), so you must be dead sure of his reasons for accepting Islam.

Jazakallah khair

answered 8588 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Mar 04 at 11:27
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Asked: Mar 04 at 03:36

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