Aaslam Alaykum, some months back, my sister's husband sexually harassed me. He was not behaving appropriately. Not zina. But when I screamed he went away. Now, suddenly I narrated that incident to my sister and my mother. And now my brother in law is feeling very shameful. Now he wants to have REPENTANT of that sin Can you please help him and let us that how my sister should behave with him and on whole matter?
My heart truly goes out to you. For your husband to make sexual advances towards any women behind your back is heartbreaking enough, never mind that fact that this was your own sister, astagfirullah. Firstly sister, understand that this is not your fault and nothing to do with how wonderful you are. As your husband is aware, he has committed a terrible sin, betraying your family bonds and completely shattering your trust in him. I know you are seeking advice on how to help him and also your sister, but how do YOU feel? You are his wife and you must be devastated. I ask Allah to give you strength. NO woman should ever have to experience such a betrayal at the hands of the one who should protect her. If your husband is truly repentant, he simply needs to make as much dua as he can and beg Allah for his mercy, and Inshallah Allah will forgive him. He also needs to understand that your sister and other family members that are aware, may not be able to forgive him, so he must be prepared for that and accept it.
“Say: “O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” [(39): 53]
“And seek forgiveness of Allah. Verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most-Merciful.” [Soorah Muzammil (73): 20]
“So glorify the Praises of Your Lord, and ask for His Forgiveness. Verily, He is the one Who accepts the repentance and forgives.” [Soorah An-Nasr (110): 3]
‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]
The above prove that if your husband is sincere in repenting, Allah is surely most merciful.So he does not need to worry that Allah will not forgive him. In regards to your sister, talk to her, ask her what she feels and try to be there for each other. Remember this is not your fault. You are both suffering right now, and in my opinion, it is you that is suffering more. Make dua to Allah to make it easy for her, as she must have been very afraid and confused, just like you. Allah will ease the feelings of hurt she has suffered Inshallah.
In your letter, you do not state how your husband was able to be in the same place as your sister. Was he visiting for example? or do you all live together? May I ask, before this happened was he normally socializing with her? talking to her? eating with her etc?. I do not know what the case is but would like to make another point just in case. If your sister and husband normally experienced each others company, even with you there, this is not really proper according to Islam. Your sister is non mahram to your husband, which means he should not be around at all her without reason, and if he is she must be completely covered. The same would apply if she was married, you shouldn't really be around her husband without reason. Acting in this way, complete avoidance of non mahram men and women, makes it very difficult for shaytan to whisper evil thoughts. Of course this is why Allah is his wisdom decreed that men and women should be separated in Islam, to reduce sin or the possibility of it.
Allah says: "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islâm), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allâh to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful. "(24:31)
I am going to put a link to a question I came across on the internet. The question applies to wives speaking with their husbands brothers, but the same rule should be applied to husbands speaking with wives sisters, please read:
Question: He does not allow his wife to appear in front of his brothers?
My brother got married approximately two years ago, and during this time he has forbidden his wife to appear in front of his brothers, even in hijab, or to speak to them when they visit him. Until now we have no idea what she looks like and we have not spoken a single word to her. Is this permissible according to sharee’ah or is it extreme?.
''Praise be to Allaah.
A woman has to cover her entire body, including the face, from men who are strangers to her (i.e., non-mahrams). She should observe hijab even more strictly in front of her husband’s male relatives who are not mahrams for her than in front of strangers. This is the opposite of what most careless people do nowadays. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when one of his companions wanted an exception to allow the husband’s relatives to enter upon his wife: “The in-law is death.” So we must be more cautious with regard to the husband’s relatives – including his brothers – because of the carelessness that exists with regard to this matter.
Your brother has done well by not allowing his wife to appear in front of you, and she has done well by obeying the command of Allaah and of her husband. This is not extremism at all; rather it is obedience to the command of Allaah. There is no need for the husband’s brothers to see his wife, let alone sit with her and talk to her.
Those scholars who said it is permissible for a woman to sit with her husband’s relatives only allowed it on condition that there is no suspicion attached to that and that she does not sit alone with one of them, or there is no listening to songs or watching haraam things on the part of either of them. Unfortunately such things happen in most people’s gatherings. If the gathering is free of the above-mentioned evils and haraam things and the woman observes full hijab, then it is permissible for her to sit with them and speak to them, so long as she is not soft in speech. But it is still better and more on the safe side for her not to do that, and this is what your brother has done, so that hearts may remain pure and free of the traps by which the Shaytaan ensnares people.
What your brother has done should not have any effect on your relationship with him or on the relationship of your wives with his wife. They are doing something good and acting in accordance with Islam. You should try to get close to them and learn from them in the way they deal with people. You should note that your brothers’ criticizing their brother for concealing his wife from them and not letting her sit with them makes one have suspicions about them. In sha Allaah they are not that type of people, but the Shaytaan may make something appear attractive to a man so that what is good becomes bad to him, and what is bad becomes good, so he regards covering and modesty as extremism and laxity as trust and progress.''
Like I said I am not sure if you mix as a family or not, so please do not be offended if this is not the case. Inshallah sister Allah will grant you strength and peace, remember he sees and knows everything. You sound like a very strong sister and I hope you can find peace and forgive your husband, if this is what you wish to do. This is perhaps a trial from your Lord, and if you are strong Allah may give you a great reward for your patience and trust in him Inshallah.
Dear questioner, I sincerely apologies! I read your question wrong and thought I was speaking to your sister about her husband! I still hope that the answer helps you! I can give more advice Inshallah if you have any more questions! Sorry for this sister.