I only ask you to not judge or think bad things about me as you read this, for I have repented and cried so many times and I am aware of my sins.
A few months ago I did Umrah (the last time I did it was 10 years ago) and alhamdulillah, I got to do it 5 times. However, one day before I returned to my country... I commited a grave sin in the Holy City of Mecca. I masturbated. I wasn't in Ihram at that time but what on earth was I thinking? The minute I finished, I started crying then I took wudhu' and I immediately prayed 2 rakaat of repentance. I cried so hard, so so hard and prayed for Allah to forgive me. Since that day I never really forgave myself and I cry everytime I think about it, because I'm so scared Allah won't forgive me and I also believe my Umrah wont get accepted, even though I did it 5x before I commited that sin I talked about. I heard that we will get extra extra extra sins if we commit bad things in the Holy City, is this true?
And I also heard that Allah will only accept the Umrah of those who do not do bad things and commit major sins during Umrah. This is why I feel that He won't accept my deeds. I mean, even though I have repented, I just don't think He will accept my Umrah or forgive my sins because the sin I made was during umrah, in Makkah. That night after I masturbated I did Tawaf (i wanted to do umrah again but there were a few things unabling me from doing it). I just cried and cried and I feel so ashamed of myself and I promised to Allah I will never masturbate again. I can't help it, i'm so ashamed that I think I don't deserve Allah's mercy. I'm the weakest and stupidest servant of Allah ever... I don't deserve anything..
So, will Allah accept my repentance and Umrah? Or either one? Or... None at all?