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I only ask you to not judge or think bad things about me as you read this, for I have repented and cried so many times and I am aware of my sins.

A few months ago I did Umrah (the last time I did it was 10 years ago) and alhamdulillah, I got to do it 5 times. However, one day before I returned to my country... I commited a grave sin in the Holy City of Mecca. I masturbated. I wasn't in Ihram at that time but what on earth was I thinking? The minute I finished, I started crying then I took wudhu' and I immediately prayed 2 rakaat of repentance. I cried so hard, so so hard and prayed for Allah to forgive me. Since that day I never really forgave myself and I cry everytime I think about it, because I'm so scared Allah won't forgive me and I also believe my Umrah wont get accepted, even though I did it 5x before I commited that sin I talked about. I heard that we will get extra extra extra sins if we commit bad things in the Holy City, is this true?

And I also heard that Allah will only accept the Umrah of those who do not do bad things and commit major sins during Umrah. This is why I feel that He won't accept my deeds. I mean, even though I have repented, I just don't think He will accept my Umrah or forgive my sins because the sin I made was during umrah, in Makkah. That night after I masturbated I did Tawaf (i wanted to do umrah again but there were a few things unabling me from doing it). I just cried and cried and I feel so ashamed of myself and I promised to Allah I will never masturbate again. I can't help it, i'm so ashamed that I think I don't deserve Allah's mercy. I'm the weakest and stupidest servant of Allah ever... I don't deserve anything..

So, will Allah accept my repentance and Umrah? Or either one? Or... None at all?

asked 103 wayfarer's gravatar image

Allah knows best and in Qur'an in one of its aayat, He says, hopelessness is kufr. Moreover, Allah says, my mercy is greater than my qeher and all our sins are still smaller than His mercy. Repent and repent and repent till you feel He's forgiven you. And I'm sure, someday soon you'll have that peace of heart. Recite Durood (sallam on His Beloved saullallahu-alaihi-wassallam) as much as you could and make dua inbetween the reciting.

answered 502 i_urooj's gravatar image

It's clearly and explicitly written in the quran that humans are weak, you are weak and I am weak and we're all weak, the rest being just an illusion of perception. You masturbated because at the moment that incredibly powerful so-called pulsion of sex took over control over your mind... I believe that sexual thing in itself is a positive thing to have (imagine not having it!) but which is extremely difficult to domesticate and control, whose joys are real but not really real, which are illusory but not really illusory... we're created with it, that's the matter of the fact and the fact of the matter, and it is said in the quran that whatever you confront down here it's because you're able to confront it, so up to you to pay the price. Will god not understand!? Of course that he will, the point being that you understand and stand up to your destiny. It's there and it won't go away because that's the way things are, and the only hope is in god, strength can only come through al-iman and al-jihad (jihadu an nafs, which is the biggest one and by far). I'm considering going on al umrah and I'm really very scared, because I'm weak and sometimes that weakness takes over and I have no choice but to to do jihad an nafs, a bit like everybody (those who have some true faith, which I believe to be a small minority).

answered 10 rasheed_b7's gravatar image

It's not how big your sin is, but how desperately you're asking for forgiveness, that matters! Haven't you heard Allah forgives all sins except Shirk? In sha Allah Allah will forgive you brother/sister. :)

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answered 101 Ayat%20uddin's gravatar image
edited Jun 07 at 11:33
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Asked: Mar 25 at 01:30

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Last updated: Jun 07 at 11:33

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