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i m a 45 yrs old male married to an educated yet a rude wife. By the grace of God my parents are alive. I ve great love and affection for them.on the contrary my wife which i sometime call just a ROOM MAT hate my parents who are too old to shoulder the responsibilities of life. I want to help them i want to serve then with the core of my heart. And note that owing to the rude behaivour of my spouse i ve separated frm them. My mother do cooking washing clothes cleaning house and all house activites herself while my wife does nt help them. I wish to share my mother burdon in domestic work But does nt allow me saying it s dishonour for men to do cleaning cooking etc. She wishes me to compel my wife to help her but there i am totaly fail. As she is completely ignorant of the religion and morality. And even abuse me and

asked 1817 arsalan86's gravatar image

Assalamu Alaykum,

Narrated Abu Huraira:

A man came to Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "Your mother." The man said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the forth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "Your father."

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Hadith 2)

Anas narrated from the Apostle (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) about the major sins. He (the Holy Prophet) observed:

Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance.

(Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Hadith 159)

It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn Umar that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said:

Beware, every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.

(Sahih Muslim, Book 20, Hadith 4496)


  • A child (son or daughter) must be dutiful to their parents. In Islam, parents are considered very important because they have spent 24 hours , 7 days every single year raising their child, caring for them and teaching them their religion (Islam). It is that child's duty to repay those 24 hours, 7 days and those years that their parents spent raising them.

  • Disobeying and not being dutiful to one's parent is a major sin in Islam. To enter Jannah (Heaven) a child must keep their parents happy through providing shelter for their parents, feeding them, etc.

  • It is a husbands duty look after his family members (mother, father, wife, children, etc) all those under his care. A wife's duty is to manage the house which means that she should cook the food, do cleaning, look after the mother and father as well as the husband and children, and raise the children through Islamic teachings.


  • You said that you have separated from your parents because of your rude wife. Remember it was your mother that gave birth to you and it is your duty to serve them no matter what. You should visit your parents and help them as much as you can and do not let your disobedient wife stop you.

  • In Islam it is expected that your wife should also help in looking after your parents. I don't think your wife realizes that she has separated a son (her husband) from his mother and father and one day Allah will give her the same punishment she has given to her in-laws. Also your wife does not realize what a wife's duties is, I think you should sit down and be the man of the house and tell her this is what I expect from you.

Think about this when you meet Allah what will you say to Allah when you would be asked, "How did you treat your parents in your lifetime?" and your wife will be asked, "How have you maintained your household and brought be your children?" What answer will you and your give to Allah? Will you say that I gave up my parents because my wife wanted my too because they are too old to be supported and then your wife will say, I am a educated woman and I want to enjoy my life than take care of old people. Both you and your wife should be ashamed in not giving shelter and helping them because they have reached old age. In the future when your children grow up and do this to you then you will know what your parents heart felt pain was when you did the same to them.

  • You and your wife should go to your parents and apologize and ask them to forgive you for going away from them and make dua to Allah to forgive you for leaving your parents.

  • It is not a dishonor for men to do the cooking, cleaning, etc.

Think about it when men go to war (Jihad) who does the cooking, men do. It is not a unmanly thing for a man to do but a manly thing.

  • Recite 'Ya Shaheedo' 21 times while placing the hand on the wife's forehead and then blow on them. Inshallah your disobedient wife will become obedient. This is the benefit to reciting one of Allah's beautiful name.

Think about this, you do not know what will happen to you today or tomorrow or when will death come for you but when it does would have fulfilled your duties in being obedient to your parents or have lived life according to your wife and have been a disobedient son.

Also remember you only get one parent in this world (a mother and father are seen as one) and nobody can replace them.

May Allah, Guide us to the straight path -- Surah Al-Fatihah, Verse 6, Qur'an

Khuda Hafiz

answered 302 NinjaBlack666's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 29 at 06:34

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Last updated: May 09 at 22:13

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