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Salam, I have been married to man for 3 years and i currently live in USA. Before my marriage i use to live in pakistan. i did not have any knowledge of my husband's past before i had an arranged married with him. He always maintained that he never drinks or does any unlawful activities however i have come to find out that this was a lie. He in use to drink, do drugs and have commited zina before and after marriage with a non muslim woman. That non muslim girlfriend of my husband didn't even know that he was married and when she found out she left him and told me everything about it. Now my husband says he realizes his mistakes and he will never cheat on me again or do anything haraam. he is praying farz namaz as well as namaz e istaghfaar. I cannot forgive him and trust him again because he betrayed me for 3 years. I left my country my family and friends for this man and he was unfaithful to me. should i ask for a khula or remain married.I didn't tell his family about his past but my family is pressuring me into staying married to him. They ask me to just forgive and forget about it but now i know all those days when he told me he was working late or gone to the different city for work, he was living with his girlfriend. He missed many important days of my life because he was busy with her while I was home praying for him. I have done my best to be a good wife to him, didn't even let him do any house work but in return i received betrayal. I dont love him anymore because all my life i never even flirted with any man believing Allah(SWT) would also give me a pious husband, he says he has changed and wants to remain married to me but it very difficult for me. What does teachings of islam says in this kind of situation?

asked 101 monael's gravatar image

Aoa

First of all avoiding is never the best solution in a relationship. If you don't forgive and feel guilty, then the devil will further poison your heart and mind, and this will lead to more enmity. The devil needs a hole to create rift in a person's heart.

Do you know how pleased will the devil be when you leave him?

Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said, “Satan sets his throne on the sea, then he sends off his troops; the closest to him (i.e., most beloved) is he who causes the greatest trial. One would come to him and Satan would ask him: ‘What did you do?’ and, he would reply: ‘I did such-and-such.’ Satan would remark: ‘You have not done anything important.’ (This will continue) until one comes saying: ‘I did not leave him until he divorced his wife’, so Satan would bring him near to himself, saying: ‘Yes, you are the one, you are the one’.”

What does Quran and Hadith state about forgiveness?

[4:35] If a couple fears separation, you shall appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family; ***if they decide to reconcile, GOD will help them get together. GOD is Omniscient, Cognizant.***

And

But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character). (Qur'an 41:34-35)

Hadith:

“Whoever suffers an injury and forgives (the person responsible), God will raise his status to a higher degree and remove one of his sins” (Al-Tirmidhi).

You elevate your status and cleanse your soul from shaytan. Islam is a religion of mercy and peace.

It is narrated that Hazrat Hasan (ra) had been poisoned by his wife. In my Islamic studies I came to know he forgave his wife before his death.

The point to emphasise is forgiveness and none is greater to devil than enmity between a man and his woman.

May peace and blessing of Allah be on you and your family.

I would like to conclude my answer with the Surah Mulk which I am currently memorizing (inshallah to become hafiz):

بِسْمِ ٱللَّهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ Blessed is He in whose hand is dominion, and He is over all things competent - (1) [He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving -(2)[67:1-2]

How about leave hatred and guilt. Go to your husband and say "I forgive you for your all sins and wrongdoings", he would at least cry from the heart.

Jazakallah Khair

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answered 8588 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Apr 01 at 06:39

abdul wasway's answer seems contrary to the koran. 24:3 and let the fornicator marry only another fornicator or polytheist. something like that.

it's a strange verse because i've never heard of any muslim saying any muslim can marry a polytheist?

anyway, if you think he has really changed and you can find it in your heart to forgive him, then why not. but if you will forever hate him for it, it would be best to part ways now. do you have children with him?

abdul, as for the hadith of the guy forgiving his wife who poisoned him before he died. did he remain married to her, or forgive her years later or on his deathbed. the lack of details renders your mention of him meaningless. it maybe easier to forgive a wrong from a distance?

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answered 109 mikejm4's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 30 at 16:21

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Last updated: Apr 02 at 12:46



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