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My parents arranged a suites for and we got married two months ago. I did not like him before and I don't like him now. We don't talk or have any type conversations. I sleep on the floor because I don't want him touching me. My mom and sisters push me to try to work things out but I can't stand the guy. I don't know what do. My dad is very strict and has no idea what is going on. If he finds out that I can't live with him he will most likely disown me. Also, I wonder if my nikkah is valid. It happened over the phone while I was not even present. My father asked my permission before I left ( I said yes) . Please guide me on what steps I should take. Thank you.

asked 152 Samita's gravatar image

shouldn't have said yes in the first place. but what's done is done. what country are you in? did you get a secular marriage as well? there are lots of variables but tell the guy you want a divorce. unfortunately islamic law favors the man when asking for a divorce and it is more difficult for the woman for some reason. but if you haven't consumated the marriage, that may help. this is one of the main problems with the entire structure of islam and the man as maintainer and protector non-sense.

answered 09 mikejm4's gravatar image

U r wrong. When it comes to rights both genders are even.

(Apr 05 at 10:33) AbduRrahman AbduRrahman's gravatar image

Infact women are treated wayy better in "islam" than anything else. She practically has to do nothing and has the right be treated/ given everything she asks for. If she works she can keep her money + ontop of that husband still has to provide!

(Apr 05 at 10:36) AbduRrahman AbduRrahman's gravatar image

Wonen are our priceses!!


(Apr 05 at 10:37) AbduRrahman AbduRrahman's gravatar image

i'm sure it works out that way sometimes.

"When it comes to rights both genders are even." and "Infact women are treated wayy better in "islam" than anything else." those are directly contradicting statements. which is it? clearly they are not "even". let me ask you a simple question, can a woman be an iman?

(Apr 05 at 14:10) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image

Not an imam, can i ask you a question. Have you ever heard of a female prophet/messanger?

(Apr 06 at 23:55) AbduRrahman AbduRrahman's gravatar image

you can ask me anything. i shy away from no question. if you are talking about within the three abrahamics, no i can't think of any. i do know there is a place in bangladesh were they consider a little girl to be the reincarnation of a goddess.

i've read an islamic scholar once who said that women can't be prophets because it is too physically demanding. lol.

so are you saying that because no woman has ever been a "prophet", no woman should ever be allowed to lead men in prayer or become an islamic scholar?

can i ask you? are women spiritually inferior to men?

(Apr 07 at 12:29) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image
showing 5 of 6 show all

I am in America, born and bred. He came from Pakistan. I want to tell him that there is no way our marriage will work and that we should part ways. I think then I'll be more civil towards him. As of now, I always yelling at him and picking at his flaws.

answered 152 Samita's gravatar image

ok, what state? many are "no-fault" when it comes to divorces now. as in you don't need to give a reason for filing for divorce. and if not i think siting "irreconcilable differances" is usually excepted by the courts. call a divorce lawyer.

if your quetion is how do you get an "islamic" divorce. i don't know i'm not a muslim. i know england has sharia councils but i hope no american state does? go to a mosque, ask an iman.

(Apr 03 at 14:17) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image

Read read read the quran regarding marriage/ hadiths. You have the right to pick a husband arrange marriage does not work in islam, as parents can find someone they think is good but its up to you if this person good for you you can have a talk what you expect from him and what he can expect from you. If you do not like him its better for a divorce, ttheres a rule how to do it. You need to find the verses in quran and hadith and present them to your parents, also tell them if they want you to be happy then such and such has to happen. May Allah guide you and make things easy for you.

In the past perhaps present times a lady was saved for a perticular person untill she became mature reached puberty and was at age of 18+ to make her decision about the man that they presented her to. If she refused, no problem. SELAMU ALEYKUM.

ps. Dont take advice from people who dont know quran or hadith. Get sources from these 2 type scriptures

answered 103 AbduRrahman's gravatar image
edited Apr 04 at 09:43

"ps. Dont take advice from people who dont know quran or hadith. Get sources from these 2 type scriptures" are you talking about yourself? you posted no proofs from the koran or hadiths?

(Apr 04 at 20:00) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image

I am simply giving my opinion that she should look into it herself rather then hear it from us. After she found the sources she should present them to her family

(Apr 05 at 10:29) AbduRrahman AbduRrahman's gravatar image

true. there is no real reason for this website to even exist. i think there is a search engine called google that already has much of this covered.

(Apr 05 at 14:05) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image

Assalamu'Alaikum. There is nothing wrong with islam. Islam teaches what is right, it is some of us who fail to understand. Anyways think from his perspective, how is he feeling? I think he didnt even know that you dont want the marriage.... and remember divorce is a last resort.... so take advice from a sheikh or a student of knowledge.

answered 383 Ahshan's gravatar image
answered 09 mikejm4's gravatar image

Salaam Bismillah ALRahman ALRaheem, Dearest Sister. You have agreed to the marriage. If you agreed out of fear, then that is a different case in which you should find the courage to tell the truth, even if that means being disowned, that is your and your families fault alone; yours for not being forthright and honest from day one, and your parents for thinking they can even disown what came from their own loins!

I advise that you have patience and make constant Dhikr and find your husbands good qualities not his faults. Understand that you might be hurting your husbands feelings as well, maybe he looked forward to making you his wife and you are not giving him a chance. Have patience and find Love in your Husband, there is always Love to be found, especially between Spouses. Seek counseling between you and your husband through a trusted family member if possible. Be honest with your husband first, maybe he can help you get out of this situation if that is what you truly want. If all else fails, Allah has given the right to divorce, although frowned upon, it is entirely permissible. Fear noone. Fear Allah. Do not have fear of being disowned, or alone, or even in an unwanted marriage. What seems bad for you may be good for you, and what seems good for you may be bad for you. And Allah AlWudood knows best. Honesty is Key. And Have patience first.

answered 215 Student922's gravatar image

I understand where you are coming from. I am a guy and in a very similar situation. I wish I could offer you some advice but I am also in tough situation myself. I am 26. I am married but the marriage is not consumated. I live in the US, but she is still overseas. I was in a 4 yr relationship with my gf from here. We dated for a while and knew we couldn't date for ever bc in Islam dating is haram. I decided the best thing to do was do it the halal and ask for her in marriage. I asked for her hand in marriage and my parents and her parents didnt agree on us getting married. We both have the same religion and background. Idk why exactly but they made it very hard for us. So This past summer I was in my native country of iraq. I went there and got pressured by my family to get married. I half heartedly said yes to the marriage. I returned to the states and realized that the arranged marriage is not what I needed or want. And my gf says she still loves me and wants to make things work but I am engaged to the other girl overseas. I have no feelings for her bc it was an arranged marriage and I spent very little time with her. But I just feel like she's not the one for me. I still love my ex gf and want to make things work with her but it's very hard. The breaking off the engagement part and making it work with my ex part too. I told my parents i want to call off the engagement but they don't agree. They suggest the arranged marriage is better for me. I am 26 yrs old and I know what I want but my parents think they know better. And they care about their pride and honor more than anything else. I don't want to let my parents down but I am not happy at all. I just don't know what to in this situation. I'm suffering from anxiety and depression bc of this. It has really made life difficult for me. What do you do in this kind of situation?

answered 10 adam26's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 01 at 23:52

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Last updated: Apr 27 at 07:16

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