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Assalamualaikum, I am a 26yr old girl, unmarried. I have a very shameful past and present. I was in a love relation with a boy for 7years. Initially I was not serious and did not believe him, but one day he approached me and said "Allah ku gawah rakhkar mai apku apni biwi mana hun" (in front of ALLAH (SWT) I accept you as my wife. From that time I started behaving as his wife. Sacrificed everything only to make him happy coz husband stands above all relations. Even went physical to satisfy him.

We tried hard to convince our families. It took him one year to convince his family and when they finally said yes my mom said a no. It was really the toughest time of my life when my mom stopped talking to me, stopped looking at me and not understanding my love to him. There was no genuine reason why my mom said a no. On the other side he gave me an ultimatum to convince them in 3days. Couldn't bear the pressure and ended up on committing a suicide. He left me without even bothering for my condition. One month before breaking up he repeated his words that he accepts me as his wife before Lord almighty, it was 3rd time what he said.

After he left completely lost faith in everything, was living a soulless life. Couldn't hear my heartbeat, couldn't feel anything, and couldn’t believe. I started avoiding people, especially those who delivered religious talks. Decided not to marry anyone, for it was hard to believe in a paper relation.

It took me two long years to come out of it, still carrying some. One of my friend helped me to start feeling but in a wrong way. It was physical. He says he loves me but cannot get married to me. It’s like I am drowning myself, stabbed every day. Cannot face the world, avoiding everyone. Crying mad in front of Allah asking him to help. On the other side coz of some black magic my marriage is being stopped and finding failure everywhere.

Please help me; it took me lots of guts to share. I am ashamed of myself. I know I will be punished, but I want ALLAH (SWT) and my PROPHET (SAW)'s love in my life. I want to make ALLAH happy. Want to be loved and understand things clear.

JazakAllah Khair dua me guzarish

asked 10 saccharin's gravatar image


Allah says:

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (39:53)

Allah also says:

..except him who repents and believes and does righteous work; as for such, Allah will change their evil deeds to good deeds. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. (25:70)

Sister is Islam, never despair and feel without hope of the Mercy of Allah. We don't realize how Merciful and Forgiving your Lord is.

Don't think even for a moment that Allah will definitely punish you because Allah forgives ALL sins so seek forgiveness.

Dear sister, you should start a new life and let go of the past. What your earlier friend did of declaring you to be his wife did not make you his wife. Both you and him were very wrong for carrying out the haram love relationship, as our religion Islam does not allow love relationship or dating before marriage. and he was also sinful of committing suicide. May Allah forgive him! And May Allah forgive you.

The suicide was a grave sin he committed. Islam simply does not allow someone to commit suicide.just because one cannot marry someone else -then to take ones life is great folly. Again May Allah forgive him! Perhaps he was ignorant of what Islam taught which may excuse him..

What you faced after the suicide was a period of psychological shock. It was no doubt painful to you. I Pray you face a quick recovery Ameen and that Allah brightens your life .

Take these as events which makes you grow as a Muslim and come closer to Allah. Be careful of your 5 daily prayers, cry to Allah and pray to him in Tahajjud in Sajda (prostration) in the last third of the night. Continually seek Allah's forgives. Give in charity. Follow the sunnah in your life such as dua and in eating etc.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:

"Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people." (At-Tirmidhi)

I'll end with this. Allah says;

"Say (O Muhammad to mankind): If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me (i.e. accept Islam, follow the Qur’aan and the Sunnah), Allaah will love you and forgive you your sins.

And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful"

answered 40118 UmarAbdullah's gravatar image

InshaAllah sister you will be in jannah keep striving.

(Apr 15 at 08:01) UmarAbdullah ♦ UmarAbdullah's gravatar image

May Allah (J) give you happiness forgive you, Please write to me at, I will write you there. Fee Amaan Ullah.

answered 151 GrBd001's gravatar image

dear sister,, i am sorry hearing what you experienced ,, listening to your Urdu i think you are of Asian background..first of all do not blame yourself ...ALLAH test his beloved . i have been through bad events myself ..lagta tha k dunya khatam ho gaee... but things do not never stops ..and i keep telling myself again and again you are being tested cause ALLAH loves you a lot ... ALLAH is there for you ..yes crying infront of ALLAH helps a lot ... ask ALLAH in sajood .after salat pray for yourself .what i believe now pain is that factor which can only be heal when you want it to already are one step in ur journey you want happiness. now inshaALLAH Happiness will come..i sat one day alone look at myself in the mirror ..and told myself aloud how i am blessed .i have no deformity ALHUMDULILLAH i am not crippled financial problems ok life gave me a shock .. so what i with my positive attitude will shock it and others too and when you need a shoulder go to your mother make her your best friend friend here is that understanding..friends usually misguide or they do not care enough ....sister life in this world itself is a test .likewise in an institution only the fittest the eligible candidate are ALLOWED to sit in the exam likewise we humans the beloved one are examined and some time re examined too .. make yourself busy a suitable job . social work ..if not allowed you can teach youngsters ..positive work ,positive thoughts and even you are in a bad situation you would think it as a blessing ..for black magic we have qul and ayat ul qursi defend ourself ..magic is vicious the more you believe it can harm you the more it will..and pray for a person who takes you forward in religion and life as well .dear both components are important being with a wrong person who treats you wrong is worst.wait for the right person . may ALLAH bless you

answered 302 devori's gravatar image

sister, remember this: we are human & we make sins. God knows that (He created sinful humans on Earth, NOT Angles). So, I made sins in the past just like any other Muslim (including people who lived with the Prophet). God & ONLY God knows about your regrets and He is forgiving and merciful. He is more merciful than a mom who found her thirsty little baby.

As for your love, I think it was hard for him to NOT be able to marry this girl. I wish he was not so harsh on himself. It is not your fault but it is the fault of those ADULTS who have NO regards to your judgment, decision, and happiness as well as his judgment, decision, and happiness. Parents on both sides are NOT mature enough to actually make life decision.

Sister, life presents us with challenges of all kinds (school, family, work, society) and we must NOT give up or let our past control us. We LIVED THE PAST and it is gone; we can't do anything about it. We LIVE IN THE PRESENT and we can do anything we want. What we do now (in the present) will determine how/what our present & future will look like. Take a moment and ask yourself: a year from now, Do I want to be happy and maybe meet a new person who loves me OR do I want to live the same live I had a year ago? based on your answer, do whatever you need to do to achieve that goal.

Love & peace to you sister.

answered 655 usrname14's gravatar image
edited May 06 at 07:19
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Asked: Apr 15 at 04:38

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Last updated: May 06 at 07:19

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