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Assalamaliakum I am 24 and my husband is 32 years old.he always look other girls when we go out of home,I talk about this to him, he was ignoring tat he not seeing but yesterday he agree yes. I don't know what to do.. He suffering from diabetics,thyroid,acidity, breathing problems after marriage. He always hurts me even our is love marriage.and he is not satisfying me may be because of his health. And from past one year he not taking me out except to my mom home.I cried many times to take me out but he always keep me in home, he is very busy with his work and when he become free he watch tv, no time for me. I am very upset,and hurted. He don't think about me. And two year's passed till now he dint gave me any gift expect slippers tat too he proudly saying to in-laws tat he gave only slippers. I am very hurted. Till he dint gave me mehar. I have 7 months old girl.I am very Islamic girl. Everything I leave to Allah only saber I doing.. But yesterday he said me once to marry other because he not satisfying me due to his health. And every day he scolding me and after tat making me happy after while. And he kept all my gold for his business, and I can't even go to any functions.and always in home. And I dint said about gold matter to my parents because he said me not to say. Hpls help mee pls.. What should I must do...

asked 10 sana343434's gravatar image

Aoa

Following points can be made:

  1. Looking at other girls.
  2. Husband has health problems
  3. Denying your sexual right
  4. Not letting you accompany him
  5. Not giving you due time
  6. Bad behaviour towards you

I will have to be biased because I don't know the husband's side unfortunately.

Point 1 is natural among men. They are weak in sexual nature compared to woman but there is a way to counter it, hence the Quran states: Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do [24:30]. Only first glance is allowed in Islam, not a second or so forth, as second look is of the devil.

Health problems (point 2) affects sexual health (check with doctor) which is natural because of the many problems he has. Because of that he doesn't feel the desire to satisfy you. Like husbands, their wives have similar rights over them. If a wife can't refuse husband's request to make intercourse then husband can't deny it either.

Comparing you to other woman is also not allowed in Islam.

According to narration Prophet Muhammad divided his time into three: Allah, family and himself.

He is,not a husband if can't maintain as: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means...[4:34]

His behaviour is unislamic according to this hadith: "A believer must not hate a believing woman (i.e., his wife); if he dislikes one of her traits he will be pleased with another." (Muslim)According to this hadith its a "MUST" FOR HIM NOT TO HATE YOU.

In another narration: The best among you is the best towards his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." (Ibn Majah and authenticated by Al-Albani)(related to point 6)

He should give you time and make you his company according to this hadith: It was reported from Hakim bin Mu’awiyah Al-Qushairi, fom his father, that he asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What are the rights that our wives have over us?” He replied, “That you feed her when you eat, and clothe her when you wear clothes, and that you avoid hitting her in face or disgracing her, and that you avoid abandoning her except at home.” (related to points 4 & 5)

You have the right of divorce because of these reasons (or one of them at least):

  1. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse or torture. When one of the spouses becomes abusive and inflicts physical, mental, or emotional torture, and is not willing to change by taking practical measures through therapy or counseling, then it is a valid reason for seeking divorce, for the Islamic principle states, “There shall be no inflicting or receiving of harm.” Zhulm (injustice) is not tolerated in Islam, regardless of who the perpetrator is.

  2. Failure to fulfill the objectives and purposes for which marriage was initiated. This can be utter incompatibility between the partners, which may be expressed by their irreconcilable differences in temperaments, likes, and dislikes.

  3. Marital infidelity. This can be a major cause for dissolution of marriage, for marriage is built on trust and confidence. Its main purpose is to preserve the chastity and modesty of those involved. Once this foundation is eroded and undermined and there is no chance to restore the same, then divorce is the way to go.

  4. Failure of the husband to provide. When the man, who is considered the provider and maintainer of the family, fails to shoulder his responsibilities and the wife decides that she cannot continue tolerating his shirking of responsibility, this is grounds for divorce.

Remarks: if you want to live with your husband that is good and better than last option (divorce). Then you must be transparent and open about the problems you have, and solve it like a team. You must do this carefully and in kindness. You must strive and exhaust your methods to hold your marriage. When nothing avails then last option is for you. He may have other issues that he might not want to share with you, and you must make him open on his issues otherwise it will only poison his mind (like depression, anger etc) and affect marriage. It is your duty as a wife to help him mentally as he may be suffering from depression due to all the diseases he has (satanic thoughts like "I am not good enough for her" pass through a man's mind) and you must restore confidence that you love him still as he is.

I will repeat this once more: keep divorce as a last resort!

Lastly and firstly, make constant duas to Allah because: Allah alone is sufficient for us and best disposer of affairs (for us) [3:173]

I would also advise to encourage your husband to be improve his deen (way of life) of Islam (practice it more) so that his imaan (faith) improves and this will improve his personality as well, inshallah (and both of you will receive reward for it). This is from my personal experience.

Martial affairs can be mostly solved through simple love and affection as confirmed by nature of husband and wife in this verse:

And among His Signs is this that He created for you wives (spouses) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect.”[30:21]


I just wanted to include how our Prophet Muhammad was very loving and such should be the husband:

  1. A’ishah reported that she accompanied the Prophet in a travel when she was still slim. The Prophet told people to move forward and then he asked A’ishah to race with him. They had a race and A’ishah won. In a later travel, whenA’ishah had forgotten the race and had already gained weight, the Prophet told her to race with him again. She declined, “How can I race with you while I am in such a condition?” The Prophet insisted and they did have a race. The Prophet won this time. He laughed then and said “tit for tat”. (Authenticated by Al-Albani)

  2. `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Messenger of Allah would give her a vessel to drink, when she was menstruating, then he would look for the spot where she had put her lips on and put his lips on the same spot. (An-Nasa’i and authenticated by Al-Albani)

Allah helps you as He alone is sufficient.

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answered 8537 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Apr 20 at 21:54
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Asked: Apr 20 at 16:55

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Last updated: Apr 20 at 21:54



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