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Assalamu Alaikum

I hope I can find the right advice is the troubles I'm in, I've kept my issue short and simple for you to understand me

My name is Wajid, I'm a 25year old, pakistani, I'm born and bred in birmingham, England, I've been raised in a moderate religous family, I understand islam well but have not kept myself on track with my faith for some years.

Over a year ago, I worked as a security gaurd with a 20years old female English girl, who's been raised with no religous basis of any kind, she's lived a very hardcore party lifestyle involving alcohol and drugs, myself and her became the best of friends, she became very interested in me that she had feelings for me, I too had the same for her, she used to become very curious on many topics in islam that I convinced her of the benefits of islam, I spoke to her of islam on a controlled level as I'm not a firm 'do'er' of what I was preaching but enough to let her find out on her own accord through research.

However as months passed of me and her dating and fornicating, she had given up many things as she was influenced by me, eating pork, drinking alcohol and clubbing scene, many of her friends seen the change in her that they began disliking my influence over her, I changed her whole perspective of islam, as she grew up brainwashed that we 'Muslim' are evil and bad, as me and her we obviously still sinning, I did mention to her from the beginning that I could not marry her unless she was a Muslim, but I knew she understood that as she kept faithful to me.

I had her meet my entire family and they we very happy for me, and that I had met a non-believer girl that was willing to convert, 9 months into our relationship my gf said she was ready enough to convert, I took her to the mosque, but before going in I did assure her that it's solely for herself, and that there's no going back from her commitment, and that it must not be for the sake of me, but she stood her ground and converted. The imam was disapproving of our relationship and recommended the we do a nikah soon as.

She had kept her conversion hidden from her family, fearful of what they may think of it, even her friends dissaproved of it by saying how they're 'disgusted in her', but she kept strong, she hadn't began learning any teachings of islam as I said to her to take each step slowly.

But it was a month later that I saw her fail herself as at a Xmas work party she let friend influence her to drink alcohol, she told me she was only going to have one drink, but had many, I told her it will only be her that's going to regret it, even at New Year's Eve she got heavily drunk in a club again, feeling 'it's only one life, make the most of it', I saw that she slowly became weak and saw the influences of friends and her old lifestyle get the better of her.

When she was sober and fine, we'd be together and she realises she must change her ways because what may hold on the 'other life', I said to her we both can make a positive change and do the nikah and we both takes little steps to fix our lives togther, we eventually did the nikah and my immediate family was with us, my wife's family was not there because they'd disapprove of us, and my wife kept the whole thing from them thinking they'd disown her.

To keep the peace me and my wife agreed she stay with her family but stay me on the odd night at my house, after 2 weeks of our marriage we had a short argument and she went with her mate clubbing and getting drunk, because we both worked different jobs and different shifts we only spent one or 2 nights a week togther, our marriage became tough because we didn't see much of each other that we argued more and more, and more and more regularly she now goes out drinking, and even eats haram meats.

I felt that it's the influence of her friend over her that she's let herself fail, but I've seen that since that freind has been around her a lot for the past 2 months, my marriage has come to a very rocky stand still, my wife has became so bitter in character, her loving side has gone, she no longer accepts islam that she Denys all aspects of god, the prophet Muhammad, heaven and hell and the judgment day, and feels it's 'nonsense', she continues to drink heavily, consume high drugs, and eats pork, and also wishes that when we have children that they will not be raised in a Muslim way of life, they'll have English names, and live their lives the way they want, and have no religion.

I'm troubled by all this, I ask Allah for patience , and guide her on the right path as I think she is heading towards a bad downfall, I'm fearful that if I continue my life with her how will it go cause I can't seem to get through to her, the only thing that's keeping me going with her is how much I love her, and that she is my wife, but what must I do?

asked 10 Viperz43's gravatar image


Brother I am sorry to say you got one of three options:

  1. Bring her back to Islam
  2. Keep her as a wife without her conversion (please define whether she is atheist, idolatress, polytheist or pagan?)
  3. Divorce her

I would like to say that this marriage shouldn't affect your Book of Deeds on Day of Judgement and so be "wary" of that. And you may be questioned about children (on Day of Judgement) since mother (your wife) will be spending most of time with kids which will influence them (and their deen), a lot.

The option is with you but you must see how your future with kids goes. As far as the story seems to me, it seems the children might take bad habits from the mother, but that's just my opinion from your story.

You have committed guna-kabira already with fornication and I am,not sure how the marriage is going to be blessed (maybe lasting) without asking for forgiveness.

The choice (and option of responsibility) is yours as in a Hadith: Abdullah bin Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. ...(hence you will be accountable for your family so please think carefully how you want to proceed forward)

To summarise: think about your Book of Deeds on Qiyamah, and the future children if you wish to continue.

I pray Allah forgives and guides you (both).


6. Verily! They see it (the torment) afar off, 7. But We see it (quite) near. 8. The Day that the sky will be like the boiling filth of oil, (or molten copper or silver or lead, etc.). 9. And the mountains will be like flakes of wool, 10. And no friend will ask of a friend, 11. Though they shall be made to see one another [(i.e. on the Day of Resurrection), there will be none but see his father, children and relatives, but he will neither speak to them nor will ask them for any help)], - the Mujrim, (criminal, sinner, disbeliever, etc.) would desire to ransom himself from the punishment of that Day by his children. 12. And his wife and his brother, 13. And his kindred who sheltered him, 14. And all that are in the earth, so that it might save him . 15. By no means! Verily, it will be the Fire of Hell! 16. Taking away (burning completely) the head skin! 17. Calling: "[O Kafir (O disbeliever in Allah, His angels, His Book, His Messengers, Day of Resurrection and in Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments), O Mushrik (O polytheist, disbeliever in the Oneness of Allah)] (all) such as turn their backs and turn away their faces (from Faith) [picking and swallowing them up from that great gathering of mankind (on the Day of Resurrection) just as a bird picks up a food-grain from the earth with its beak and swallows it up] [Tafsir Al-Qurtubi, Vol. 18, Page 289]

answered 8638 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Apr 27 at 19:25


She was born and raised with no religion, made to live life as it is, and that when you die you die, that's nothing after you dead. Her father is born Christian, but he's not religious nor the whole family.

You say I could keep her without her conversion, but if she's done her shahadah, and we done the nikah, is it not a bad thing for her to walk away from islam, I'm hanging on with so much patience that she will snap out this mindset she has come under, but how much patience can one have.

(Apr 28 at 07:10) Viperz43 Viperz43's gravatar image

So yes, pretty much a Athiest

(Apr 28 at 07:10) Viperz43 Viperz43's gravatar image

You can try but you must think about future. I already emphasised marriage basis is to bear children. Unless your confident that you wont be able to handle it.

So she married for u not for Allah as it seems.

(May 01 at 00:36) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

This might be handy

(May 01 at 00:41) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 27 at 03:22

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Last updated: May 01 at 00:41

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