I am putting this under relationship tags because it concerns 2 relations. i will try and give a short back ground so bare with me.
The first is about a girl i met during my masters. She was Not Muslim, but the chemistry between us was great. I tried to keep the relationship to friends but there was someting about her, her actions, attitude would make me smile and laugh and these came from deep inside(many time involuntarily). I knew this would be troublesome, but since i couldnt resist i tried to get her to be interested in Islam. Turned out that she had been researching in on Islam herself. this went on for 5 months, we maintained a physical distance.An year after i got back home i told my parents, they were shocked. Anyhow i told them taht she was going to visit us and i was hoping that my mother would take her to our local mosque as there are people there who are always ready to help.
SO now the main issue is that, understandibly my parents are against this - stating that even she did convert she would be doing it to marry me- and i undersatnd that because that is what happens in many cases. BUT i feel that my parents didnt even try to educate her, they are good muslims and the girl used to spend lot more time at home with them reading and researching alone. They should have accepted her in and taught her the core philosophies and after that hether she accepted Islam or not would have bin a different matter.
Now after another year my father bought up the question of marriage.. and when i mentioned the girl he said definitely not .(At this point she has converted and is actually learning more..she has new questions for me almost evrytime i get a chance to speak with her). We almost went into an argument and i stopped and just sat and listened to him, as i do not want to argue with my Father. AND i told him that i will follow his decision and he told me after that his and my mothers minds were now at rest.
BUT since that night my mind has been in complete unrest. I cannot believe the things my father told me, in order to sway my decision. I never expected this from him, his comments hurt me more than the fact that he dosent want me to marry the girl i chose.
the first slap was when he said that "we dont even know her social status" - her father is a hair stylist and mother is a house wife, They are buddhist but support her- when SHE told them about me, their only question was whether i was an honest and responsible person and whethr she was happy with hr path. I was shocked at my dads words.
The second slap was when he told me that If i take this step, finding a husband for my sister will become immposible (my sister is a good muslim - well educated as well) AND it would be my Fault.
I have been restless since then..its been a week and my sleep is mess because of this. He even called himself "open minded" and ALSO said that "we cannot force you". BUt i feel that i have been emotionally blackmailed into following their decisison. And now i feel taht if they do select a girl for me (and here too it would be "My" choice whether or not i want to marry her) they would look for a girl that matches their likes rather than mine.
I want to tell my dad about how social staus does not matter and should not matter to him and how wrong it is for him to be negative about my sisters life - on top of tht its a very non-muslim thing to do. An that my parenst should have made an effort to teach her more and in a caring manner instead of holding on to things like social status and what family members will say and "tolerating" her presence. BUt i cant find the courage to do so. I have at many times been angry on my parents but i have always calmed down immediately and apologised, but i feel that if i try to speak with him it will errupt into a long argument and he will repeat the same things, cry and get emotional, will blame the girl and i will simply crumble under all that.
I feel like i have no choice. NOw that i think about it Every major desicion has bin followed by their decision. The only time my desicion was chosen was when the decision was already following wat thye wanted.
Not sure wat to do...just wanted to rant, but if you have any advise, feel free to let me know. I am Always thank ful for the life my parents have proivided to me. And they pronbably mean well, but i am stating to think that i have no back bone to stand up to my paresnts and also am not intelligent enough to make desicions and any decisions/paths i take will always be wrong.