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I am putting this under relationship tags because it concerns 2 relations. i will try and give a short back ground so bare with me.

The first is about a girl i met during my masters. She was Not Muslim, but the chemistry between us was great. I tried to keep the relationship to friends but there was someting about her, her actions, attitude would make me smile and laugh and these came from deep inside(many time involuntarily). I knew this would be troublesome, but since i couldnt resist i tried to get her to be interested in Islam. Turned out that she had been researching in on Islam herself. this went on for 5 months, we maintained a physical distance.An year after i got back home i told my parents, they were shocked. Anyhow i told them taht she was going to visit us and i was hoping that my mother would take her to our local mosque as there are people there who are always ready to help.

SO now the main issue is that, understandibly my parents are against this - stating that even she did convert she would be doing it to marry me- and i undersatnd that because that is what happens in many cases. BUT i feel that my parents didnt even try to educate her, they are good muslims and the girl used to spend lot more time at home with them reading and researching alone. They should have accepted her in and taught her the core philosophies and after that hether she accepted Islam or not would have bin a different matter.

Now after another year my father bought up the question of marriage.. and when i mentioned the girl he said definitely not .(At this point she has converted and is actually learning more..she has new questions for me almost evrytime i get a chance to speak with her). We almost went into an argument and i stopped and just sat and listened to him, as i do not want to argue with my Father. AND i told him that i will follow his decision and he told me after that his and my mothers minds were now at rest.

BUT since that night my mind has been in complete unrest. I cannot believe the things my father told me, in order to sway my decision. I never expected this from him, his comments hurt me more than the fact that he dosent want me to marry the girl i chose.

the first slap was when he said that "we dont even know her social status" - her father is a hair stylist and mother is a house wife, They are buddhist but support her- when SHE told them about me, their only question was whether i was an honest and responsible person and whethr she was happy with hr path. I was shocked at my dads words.

The second slap was when he told me that If i take this step, finding a husband for my sister will become immposible (my sister is a good muslim - well educated as well) AND it would be my Fault.

I have been restless since then..its been a week and my sleep is mess because of this. He even called himself "open minded" and ALSO said that "we cannot force you". BUt i feel that i have been emotionally blackmailed into following their decisison. And now i feel taht if they do select a girl for me (and here too it would be "My" choice whether or not i want to marry her) they would look for a girl that matches their likes rather than mine.

I want to tell my dad about how social staus does not matter and should not matter to him and how wrong it is for him to be negative about my sisters life - on top of tht its a very non-muslim thing to do. An that my parenst should have made an effort to teach her more and in a caring manner instead of holding on to things like social status and what family members will say and "tolerating" her presence. BUt i cant find the courage to do so. I have at many times been angry on my parents but i have always calmed down immediately and apologised, but i feel that if i try to speak with him it will errupt into a long argument and he will repeat the same things, cry and get emotional, will blame the girl and i will simply crumble under all that.

I feel like i have no choice. NOw that i think about it Every major desicion has bin followed by their decision. The only time my desicion was chosen was when the decision was already following wat thye wanted.

Not sure wat to do...just wanted to rant, but if you have any advise, feel free to let me know. I am Always thank ful for the life my parents have proivided to me. And they pronbably mean well, but i am stating to think that i have no back bone to stand up to my paresnts and also am not intelligent enough to make desicions and any decisions/paths i take will always be wrong.

asked 10 izy1190's gravatar image

Hi brother, I have few points that I would like to share with you.

1- parents are NOT always right.

my father is one of those super religious people (he's called shaikh in the city in which he lives). After finishing high school, I decided to come to the US to study. I asked for his permission so that the gov. can issue a passport for me & he refused (min age is 21 & I was younger). He said I was not going to study but rather drink, have sex, and lose my religion. I waited until I was 21 & issued a passport for myself. I came to the US, learned the language, started my B.S. degree, graduated with Summa Cum Laude, and got admitted to one of the top 5 schools in the US for graduate degree. Had I listened to my father's crap, I would have been plain stupid.

2- Islam is NOT just for those born Muslims

your parents (or anyone in general) have NO RIGHT to say that she/he was converting just to get married. Tell them about the story of a Muslim man (Usama ibn Zayd) who killed (in a battle) another man (non-Muslim but became Muslim) despite hearing that man say shahādah just right before he got killed. Later, when the Prophet heard the story, he rebuked Usama for killing a man that said shahādah (even in a battle where people will say anything to stay alive). The Prophet asked Usama: "did you open and read what's in his hear !?" meaning whether the man said it truly or not. if you read Arabic, google "عتاب النبي لأسامة على قتل الموحد". SO, NO, your parents are not the one to say who is a true Muslim & who's not.

-3 Social status!! so UN-Islamic idea

in Islam, we are ALL the equal & God looks at what's in our hearts; not what's in our bucket or what "society" labels us.

-4 Marrying non-Muslim

From a religious perspective, Muslim men can marry people with monolithic religion (Islam, Christianity, Judaism) WITHOUT the need for conversion. From other perspectives, you need to consider many things before marrying non-Muslim who would like to keep her faith (if any). Do you want your kids to have your faith, their mom's, mix, or none. It can be confusing to a child to believe Jesus (for example) in Christianity & Islam; is he a Prophet, a god, a spirit, or something else. Other issue include conflicting religious practices and cultural "norms". I know your girl IS MUSLIM & has chosen that pat, however, I just wanted to give you an idea about how complicated it could be (or not).

-5 if you are old enough, MAKE your OWN DECISIONS, CHOOSE your FUTURE, MAKE mistakes, LEARN from your mistakes. DO NOT let anyone (including society) dictate to you how to live your life.

-6 NO, your sister does not need you to marry a certain girl in order to get a loving husband. Tell your father, he is OUT of his mind.

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answered 655 usrname14's gravatar image

Just be careful cause parents can be right too

http://islam.com/questions/30523/married-to-a-revert?page=1#30578 look at this guy story same as u

Right now u are attatched to this woman so u wont be rational much

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answered 8638 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited May 01 at 00:26

The Quran says:17-Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. ( 23 ) And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. ( 24 ) Your Lord is Best Aware of what is in your minds. If ye are righteous, then lo! He was ever Forgiving unto those who turn (unto Him). ( 25 )...Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who pleases his parents to please God and their parents who angered God is enraged. Cairns Labour, vol 16, p 470...Dear brother, you can not marry a non-Muslim. So try to help your sister, make she's Muslim. After becoming a Muslim because of his father happy and relax exponentially. Put your trust in God and he will help. Allah is very kind and loves you too.You can visit these sites:http://islamquest.net

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answered 3518 persiangulf1666's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 29 at 18:31

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Last updated: May 06 at 05:41



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