How can I ever be normal again? After having to bear too much pain? I can not explain what happened, because the pain is just too much! Suicidal thoughts are no strangers, depression is a constant mental state. There is absolutely no hope that things are going to get better. I feel paralyzed, and trapped. I feel like can not change anything. I will not ever commit suicide, but the thoughts of suicide and death are always running in my head. I am hopeless. Suicide is forbidden and I shall not do it, it is just that thet thought that death is going to be much less painful and peaceful, also better than living is what is a misery.