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My husband second wife csme to visit for a short time . Ss both of us live in different countries . I was here 2 eks before her does that mean he has to spend all of the days with her or be equal

asked 10 umnasser's gravatar image

How would you feel if you were in her shoes??

you had him for yourself for 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong but I think you want the whole pie for yourself. I completely understand the competition thing (my father was married to 2) but you have chosen to be with him even though he is married to more than one woman.

Do you want a peaceful and passion driven life, or do you want competition & bitter life? If I were you, I would be nice to my other sister in Islam (the other wife) and let him spend more time with her (not 2 whole weeks of course because you & your husband will be in the same town but you get the idea).

Work on building friendship with his other wife (of course you will never have best friend type of relationship but some friendship is better than none). My step-mom (father's 2nd wife) did not want any friendship with my mom. Guess what, I do not have relationship with my siblings (her children) because she was a bad person. Do you want that to happen to your kids? do you want her children to think of you as a good person or a bad person that they do not want to see or talk to.

The golden rule says: treat people the way you would like to be treated. I promise you, your husband will hold so much respect for you when he see that you are being just to other people rather than hater. Do not be weak either; you have a right to spend time with a loving husband, so do not give that away.

answered 655 usrname14's gravatar image
edited May 09 at 03:20

Thanks for your reply . First thing I was married to him 30 yrs when he took a second wife. So I didn't choose to be in this situation. In the three years since he has been married I let him visit her for one year and two months without asking to makeup the time with me . The girk he married is my daughter in law sister so hamduallah we have a good relationship from before. This is our first meeting since yhey married so it is a difficult time for me . Since she arrived I havd cooked there food and let them stsy with me the first night as no hotel . So I have been more than helpful. I have no objection to him spending the time with her butI think he should at least ask me .. this was my question

answered 10 umnasser's gravatar image

I know how you feel (you remind me of my mom who has more than 5 kids with my father before he got married again). Sister, you do not need to cook for her. she is an adult and should either help you prepare the food or cook for herself. Do not feel obligated to do all these things for her; just like she is not obligated to do it for you too. Also, giving up your rights (letting him disappear for a year and 2 months without making up for it) is not a good idea because it makes you feel neglected & it brings bitterness. I take back my "let him spend more time with her" knowing the year & 2 mont

(May 09 at 04:24) usrname14 usrname14's gravatar image

Hamduallah .. things will improve inshallah khier

answered 10 umnasser's gravatar image
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Asked: May 09 at 02:46

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