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I got married when I was 21. It was arranged between both families and, although I had no interaction socially with him before marriage, I thought he was agreeable and found me to be the same. He wasn't. He refused to acknowledge me. He was aloof, cold, distant, and although he didn't go out of his way to be mean to me, he wasn't treating me as his wife. I Stuck to his side for 6 months before one night he forceably kicked me out the family home. I drove to my parents, it was the dead of night so I didn't call. They opened the door to me that morning. They blamed me for everything, claimed that I hadn't tried when I was desperate to make my marriage work. My family physically removed me from their home because they were disgusted that I couldn't make my husband love me. All I had was the clothes on my back and my car. No family took me in under their instruction. Over the two weeks that passed, neither my own family, nor my husbands family agreed to give me a roof over my head.

Eventually, after moving away on my own, I was granted a divorce.

I paid money out of my own pocket to cover expenses for the wedding, just to have the divorce granted with no fuss.

Now, four years later and with having no contact with a family that despise me, I find myself wanting to get married. A friend of mine recently reverted to Islam and is keen for us to get married. I have contacted my family, the elders of my family to arrange their blessing, but they refuse to give this.

I need help and guidance. Without my parents blessing, am I to be alone for the rest of my life? Allah SWT only knows the great efforts I have gone to stay with my family, the pain I have endured at their hands. I would forgive them in a heartbeat if they took me back. I would marry anyone they asked me to. But I am lost.

Sorry for the long rant, but I have no idea where to start.

asked 10 EHardwick's gravatar image

No, of course not. You do not have to remain single forever. A Muslim woman has to have the permission of her wali to get married.. but if her father is being irrational in accepting a suitable spouse, then guardianship may be transferred (whether to her Muslim grandfather or to an Islamic leader / imam).

Also - just a reminder that it was not right for your family to behave the way that they did, but it is also not right for you to sever ties with them. Allah سبحانه و تعالى made that clear in the Qur'an. So do not cut off communications with them. Remain in contact with them, visit them, treat them kindly, etc. If they treat you badly still, then you will clearly be the better person in this regard.

answered 6036 iLove01's gravatar image
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Asked: May 18 at 11:38

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