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I'm 18 & I recently got my Nikkah done to a guy (22) of my choice & my family were very supportive because he's the son of an old family friend. But now I feel as if I'm not ready to become a 'wife' or a 'daughter in law'.. I do like/love the guy but we have had arguments previously and I feel as if I'm not ready to take a big step into the official marriage procedure as I feel I'm too young and I know my mind set is different from the guys mind set regarding alot of things. Am I ready?

asked 101 Laylaa's gravatar image

I think you are ready. The thing is once you are married you will learn along the way . Hazrat Aisha (ra) got married younger than you (just for your information), and it was wonderful marriage; so the point is you can do it too!

Know that nikkah is actually transfer of guardianship: your previous guardians were your parents, now its your husband. For example as under-the-guardian, if you want to study, it is your husband duty to provide that!

If his character is strong "as a Muslim" then you should rather hasten the marriage. This is illustrated in the following hadith:

If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." [At-Tirmidhi and others and it is hassan]

I might as well leave this site for you to read since you will inshallah be becoming a wife: (read up rights and your duties as a wife and remember to fulfil them as Allah will judge you on your part and he will judged on his own part. You might also want to educate your husband on his duties and rights if he has less Islamic knowledge than you).

Also know that the final say is yours on this marriage. If he has lesser imaan than you, then you should improve his imaan so you both can enjoy jannah in the end, yay.

(1)The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise." (e.g. a man's wife)

(2)When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

(3)The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

(4)One person said to Rasulullah "When I enter my home my wife says to me 'Welcome O my sardar (master) and the master of my house!' and when I am grieved over anything she consoles me by saying 'Why be grieved over a wordly matter; your hereafter is being made. Rasulullah said: "Inform this woman that she is amongst those who are doing the work of Allah and she receives half the reward of those doing jihaad." (I (abdul_wasay) have heard conversation between men as follows: X: man when I go to my wife, she nags all the time, its like she is my mother, and I often prefer working than going home, Y (says to X): yo bro, sorry I beg to differ. When I go home my wife is an angel and I just can't wait to be going home after doing my work today! This I have overheard many times between men from observation)

(4)Hadrat Aisha (R.A.) reports that "The woman whose husband is absent and in this state she protects her chastity, leaving all forms of beautification and adornment, remaining within her home and remaining steadfast on namaaz; she will be resurrected on the day of Qiyamah as a Virgin girl. If her husband was a mu'min (believer) then she will remain his wife in jannah; and if he happens to be a disbeliever then she will be married to a martyr." (so remember to improve your husband imaan so you can meet him in paradise!)

Lastly you might want to know about intercourse:

(1)The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

(2)Sayyiduna Talq ibn Ali (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “When a man calls his wife for sexual intimacy, she should come, even if she is (busy) in the cooking area.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi & Sunan al-Nasa’i)

(3)Rasulullah said: "0 Man! there is reward for you even in having sexual relations with your wife. (both get their share of good reward)

(4)Hakim bin Mua'wiya (R.A.) enquired from Rasulullah regarding the rights of women over their husbands? Rasulullah said: "When you eat, feed her and when you dress, dress her; do not smite her across the face and do not boycott her but within the house."

Man is is impatient in terms of intercourse so says the following verse:

Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman).[4:28]

This is a little treat for you: (the true romance for eternity)

Don't forget the rights of Allah! It will be through His blessings that your marriage will blossom. So worship Him, pray, recite Quran, fast etc.

Remember to forgive, forget and move on. There will be times when either husband or wife will be unwilling to forgive but it is the wife's love that can melt a husband's heart. For example, sometimes I consider myself wrong (even if I am right) and apologise to my parents (it makes them happy and Allah as well: so you get bonus reward!).

"I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannahfor one who has good manners.''

‘Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”

Jamharah Khutah al-‘Arab, 1/145

With whatever Allah has bestowed upon me: I have done my best here to give what I could. The rest is up to you.

answered 8588 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited May 22 at 21:37

I think you are ready for the ride.

answered (suspended) Askislam2014's gravatar image

Jazakh'Allah, Thankyou. I will take this into consideration and with the help of Allah, commit to my duties and commands. Thankyou

(May 22 at 23:47) Laylaa Laylaa's gravatar image
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Asked: May 22 at 17:18

Seen: 295 times

Last updated: May 22 at 23:47

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