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Asalaam walaikum,

I am a 20 yrs old muslim girl who was born and raised in the U.S. I am going to get married soon to a man who I thought was suitable for me. He is a good person and if knowledgable about Islam. He grew up in the middle east, but came here in his twenties. When he came to me for a proposal, he told me about his past marriages and the haraam he did. He smoked, drank, and did zinnah numerous times. For me, I am someone who stayed away from those things and even had kept distance from the opposite sex. I tried my best to follow the Islamic rules. I thought I would find someone like me. Now I know in detail of this man's past and while I still am considering marriage, I still feel sometimes disgusted. I don't want to be close to him because I start thinking of the women in his past. I keep imagining the bad. I don't know what to do and I wanted advice on how can I approach this problem of his past?

asked 10 salm90's gravatar image

Salam Sister,

What this man did in the past is not nearly as important as how you feel about it now. You say that you don't want to be close to him. This being so, why would you wish to marry him? On the other hand, you say that he is a good person (even allowing for his past mistakes). It seems to me that rather than reject this man out of hand, and rather than marry him 'soon', you ought to wait until you are quite sure what action will be best for both of you. I hope this helps.

(May 24 at 15:52) Paulus Paulus's gravatar image
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To start you thinking: This man could easily have hidden his past from you; and it is highly unlikely that you would have found out....at least not until after your marriage. He put his trust in you, and demonstrated his respect for you. He has sinned...in a bad way. Well, every day of our lives each of us prays to the Lord of Mercy for mercy, and for forgiveness. It behoves each of us, I think, to be forgiving and merciful ourselves. It will not be easy for you to do this - should you wish to. But perhaps you ought to try. At the very least you ought to think about it. So start there.

(May 24 at 16:08) Paulus Paulus's gravatar image

Hello sister... Try to test him about womens like send one of your frinds he dont know to talke to him and see if he respond to her that mean he did't chang.. And try to see his frinds ... They drinking or going to knight club or do bad stuff or not. Do not marry him un less you find out he is realy chang or not.... Insha allah he is chang and com back to allah side...and we all know alah side is the winner side.... Allah keep you safe...

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answered 965 abowaleed's gravatar image
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Asked: May 24 at 14:02

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Last updated: May 24 at 16:08



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