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couple didnt touch each other from past 6years, even though they live with each other but dont share bed neither room, dont even talk to each other. husdand cooks, cleans, washes,irons and all related tasks himself. in according to islamic law whats status of this marriage? is this marriage still class as valid?

asked 111 sobia%20ahmed's gravatar image
edited Apr 24 '12 at 01:05 NesreenA ♦ 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

This is very sad to hear. Sometimes woman loose the respect for husbands espacially if you give give give and she doesnt do anything in return. People dont expect the man to suffer in a marrige and thats why it Is probably hard for them to understand his point of view. Here is some information I hope it helps.

The Prophet (SAWS) is known to have helped his wives in the house. And if the Prophet (SAWS) was not above doing housework, modern Muslim husbands shouldn't feel that they are.

Communication is Important

Communication, Communication, Communication! This is the big word in counseling. And it should be. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs.

Forget Past Problems

Don't bring up past problems once they have been solved.

Live Simply

Don't be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. The 'rizq" is from Allah (SWT). In order to develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah (SWT) for the many blessings in your life.

Give Your Spouse Time Alone

If your mate doesn't want to be with you all the time, it doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you. People need to be alone for various reasons. Sometimes they want to read, to think about their problems, or just to relax. Don't make them feel that they are committing a sin.

Admit Your Mistakes

When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.

Physical Relationship is Important

Be available to your mate sexually, and don't let your sexual relationship be characterized by selfishness. The Prophet (SAWS) was reported to have said: 'It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand."

Have Meals Together

Try to eat together as a family when possible. Show the cook and the dishwasher, whether it is the husband or the wife, appreciation for his or her efforts. The Prophet (SAWS) did not complain about food that was put before him.

Be Mindful of Your discussion Topics

Never discuss with others things about your marriage that your spouse wouldn't like you to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their mate's physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.

Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we would never treat others. With others, we try to be polite, kind, and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our worst times --- when we are tired and frustrated after a hard day. After a bad day at the office, husbands usually come home angry and on edge. The wife has probably also had a hard day with the children and the housework. Wives and husbands should discuss this potential time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with each other during these times, they will understand the reasons rather than automatically thinking that their spouse no longer loves them.

Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance for success. If you discard this rule, failure is just around the corner.

DU’AA FOR HAPPY MARRIED LIFE 'Allaahummaj-al min azwaajinaa wa dhurriyyaatinaa qurrata a-ayunin waj-alnaa lil muttaqeena imaamaa' (O Allah! grant us such wives and offspring who have a coolness of the eyes, and make us leaders of the Allah-Fearing)

answered 514 Faith's gravatar image

Thanks once again for your ans. the way you tried to put everything in order, appreciate it so much, many thanks! Regards to how and what should happen between couple... n communication... wife doesnt wana know, husband tryd for years but she blanks him out completly n walk away. We are talking about couple here, not about any mate! thanks for time anyways.

(Apr 19 '12 at 16:00) sobia ahmed sobia%20ahmed's gravatar image

Is there a reason why this happend ? Why is the husband cooking cleaning and doing all of the work? I understand that the husband has to support his wife but In this case it seems like he doesnt get any support or help back from her. It seems like a very dificult life for the husband and could be the reason why he hasnt had the desire to touch his wife or sleep with her at night. There seems to be spme type of resentment and that is never good for a marrige.

answered 514 Faith's gravatar image

suhhanallah, there are many shortcomins to dis story i wont say sin because Allah know best. first of all the man has lost his stand as the head reasons best know to Allah and for the wife, if she is part of us may Allah forgive her coz she realy needs it, subhanallah. the prophet said nobody should keep queit to his follow brother or sister for more than three days (malis) in the bottom line that family needs to find its cause in the best way islam prescribe, may Allah help us all.

answered 94 alirauf's gravatar image

Thanks alot for your answer. You are right, who are we to call all this sin, at the end Allah knows best! regards to what you said family needs to find some solution... just to let you know that family tried their best, and his wife first of all dont let anybody in the house, if family does manage to come in to talk, she throws them out the house or get up and walk away, she doesnt listen to nobody. just hope and pray that Allah some how sort this outt. thanks once again.

(Apr 20 '12 at 15:03) sobia ahmed sobia%20ahmed's gravatar image

as long as he is supporting you and giving you what you want but if neither of you want that then iy counts if he isnt fulfilling your desire you may divorse him but the marrige is still valid as loonng as no one has initiated divorce

answered 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

So sorry, its sobia ahmed again. i wrote my comments in wrong place. apologize for it. Many thanks for your answers. regards to sis nasreen a said, as long as he is fulfilling your sis just to let you know that wife doesnt wana know husband, she says on his face that i m not inerested in you at all, i only want you for your money, you are a hen who gives golden eggs and i wont let you go. she doesnt want him getting re married either. she even did black magic few times and husband was gona die, its Gods miracle that he got bit better n saved. if you see state of poor man, you will be shocked. he works like donkey to fulfil wifes shopping expensis even her nights out trips, wife is loaded with diamond, golds, cars, money, houses and all that. but still he neva gets appreciation. regards to second ans, nobody really knows whats wrong with that woman and why she is like that. initially when they got married they were ok, man loved woman madly, he would kiss the ground where she walks on. after few years of marriage, woman got caught red handed having an affair with some one else, even got pregnant from next man. husband had those evidences what wife destroyed and started drama of being ill and started to cover herself from top to toe so she can carry on doing things with those men hiddenly. during this pretense she gave birth to na jaiz child and every one think that husbands child because them two are close cousins and family dont believe without any evidence. after few years to that wife started apologising and asking for another last chance to their relationship for the sake of kids, which was futile. she never changed her ways. husband even moved out few times but because of family.. they kept on moving him back in the same house as her. poor mans so devastated, he stopped even looking at her. few people said to him that because of you two didnt get intimate with each other neither got any relationship or even any sort of communications with her, and its na jaiz you living there but wanted to know islamic point of view. if some one can help plz!!!

(Apr 19 '12 at 07:44) sobia ahmed sobia%20ahmed's gravatar image

I hope this might help you a little,you say that the wife continued with her behavior than it is obligatory for the husband to divorce her.

If one finds that one’s wife has committed the absolute abomination of adultery, and the husband sincerely believes that his wife fears Allah and is sincerely repentant at her abomination, and he can bring himself to forgive her her crime, there is no harm if the husband chooses to forgive her and save the marriage. But if the husband finds and knows with absolute conviction that his wife has committed or commits the abomination of adultery, and she neither fears Allah, nor is repentant, and given half a chance, she would commit the abomination again….then it becomes absolutely obligatory for the believing husband to separate himself from such an evil wife through divorce, if indeed he fears Allah and the Last Day.

answered 514 Faith's gravatar image

Appreciate your answer but wife is been given loads of chances but she aint seem to take no notice.instead of making most of those chances,she makes sure she goes and does more and more black magic to tie him and his family around her that they wont go ahead and finish off the marriage. such an evil situation! thanks for your answer anyway.

(Apr 24 '12 at 04:52) sobia ahmed sobia%20ahmed's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 18 '12 at 07:36

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Last updated: Apr 24 '12 at 04:52

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