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Assalam u Alaikum.

I am a seventeen year old muslim girl, and I have a seventeen year old muslim boyfriend. Him and I have been dating for some while now and we truly do love each other. We want to get married to each other and we are not in this relationship to have "fun" but because we love each other and hope to get married one day. We hold hands, he kisses me on the cheeks and sometimes we even kiss on the lips. I am wondering if:

Our relationship is haram? Holding hands is haram? Kissing on the cheeks and lips is haram?

Thank you.

asked 102 Oskol22's gravatar image

You are haram, he is haram, and the whole scenario is haram. Either you get married or you fall outside the fold of Islam: your choice?

Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given up As-Salat (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salat (prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in their proper fixed times, etc.] and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell.[19:59]

This act is worth punishable by Shariah Law:

The woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual intercourse, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment. (This punishment is for unmarried persons guilty of the above crime but if married persons commit it, the punishment is to stone them to death, according to Allah's Law).[24:2]

I will quote Imam Baqir (ra) for relevance to the subject:

Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) describes the fornicator in detail and says that when he would be raised from his grave on the day of judgement he shall be in a horrible state.

The Imam says,

“When a fornicator will rise from his grave the stink of his body shall hurt the people. The people will know what deeds he had committed in the world. Till the Almighty Allah would order him to be thrown into the fire.”

Then Imam Baqir (a.s.) continues,

“Know that Allah has prohibited Himself the Harām things. He has also prescribed the rules and regulations of life. No one is more modest than Allah. It is His modesty that He has prohibited Fornication.”

Have you honestly studied Islam? Given a thought about studying it? If yes, then the answer should have been apparent to you before even starting a relationship. You can watch videos and even read articles and you will get the same answer.

Hazrat ‘Ali (a.s.) says:

“On the day of Qiyāma a bad smell shall be released by the order of Allah. And all the people will become restless because of it. So much so that it would be difficult to breathe. Then a caller will proclaim loudly, ‘O people of Mahshar! Do you know what this stench is?’

They would reply, “We do not know! However this stink is causing great discomfort”, then Imam (a.s.) continued,

“It is the bad smell from the sexual organs of the fornicators who died without repenting for their sins. O people, Allah curses these people, you too invoke curse upon them.” Then there will be not a single person who would not say, ‘O Allah send your curse (anger) upon these fornicators’2

The Holy Prophet (S) says:

“After me when Fornication will increase, sudden deaths will also increase.”

He also said:

“Fornication causes depravity and destitution, and because of it, populated places become deserted.”

answered 8638 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Jun 08 at 21:00

Him and I refuse to have sex before marriage, we are both virgins and are saving ourselves for one another. Is the relationship still haram?

(Jun 08 at 21:09) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image

Yes. As I said it doesn't necessarily "need to involve sex".

A fornicator means someone who has illegal relationship with unmarried individual. From Islamic perspective this is only legal in case of Husband and Wife.

Even if you are engaged you aren't allowed to have any romantic or sexual networking (whatever the precise term might be) because the purpose is to get to know them, not make romance with them. It is recommended therefore to keep this period short. Longer periods are most susceptible.

Virginity has lesser value in comparison to the legality of a Husband and Wife relationship.

(Jun 08 at 21:17) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

For you to meet him alone is not allowed either unless with a guardian's presence which might be your brother, father etc who has approved of such a relationship in the first place.

So you don't have wali approving this relationship nor do you do this under his presence. So it direct violation of command of Allah and therefore your relationship is haram.

(Jun 08 at 21:20) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

What if we were to stop kissing, and holding hands?

(Jun 08 at 21:26) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image

Not allowed. You are nonmahram as you aren't married yet.

OK let me give a you a hadith:

It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him"

Can you imagine being stabbed with iron needle? That is the magnitude of what you are doing.So answer will remain no in all cases except after Nikkah. For getting to know each other and engagement period, a guardian presence is "compulsory"!

(Jun 08 at 21:30) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

So you say you can hold hands? But what about his hormones? Isn't he a man? Let me give you an insight how impatient a man is in terms of sex (so better marry early before it actually becomes a zina and you regret it for rest of your life. Precaution is better than cure.)

According to a narration Hazrat Umar (ra) asked his daughter how long a wife can stay away from her husband to which she replied 4 months. So remember to keep your sexual patience of period of 4 months. Remember Hazrat Umar (ra) was talking about soldiers whose wives stayed at home.

Now lets get to the man part...

(Jun 08 at 21:40) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

okay, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

(Jun 08 at 21:42) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image

The man thinks about sex around every 7 seconds (statistics of course). But lets tally this with the Quran:

Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman). [4:28]

So it proves to be true. So you know your bf better than Allah does? No you don't. But love to man is more about sex. You are misguided if you think that he doesn't think about you sexually. You are testing his patience at the moment and so are you being tested by Allah yourself. Another man in these forums can confirm this.

Let me narrate a story:

(Jun 08 at 21:52) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

"there were two cousins who used to ride home together. 'They were just cousins correct?' Wrong after 2 years he suddenly groped her and she didn't expect that." Your period (2yrs, 3 yrs, 4 yrs?) might be different but the point is the sexual nature you need to understand. If you want to be his wife you need to understand that you get married so that it becomes an act of worship rather than zina. And zina is not just penetrating. LOok at this hadith:

(Jun 08 at 21:55) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina which will inevitably catch up with him. The zina of the eye is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it.”

So you are a zanee in this definition as well.

I hope your queries have been answered as I have tried to make things crystal clear.

(Jun 08 at 21:55) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

I have one last question if you do not mind....would all this still be haram if we ended up getting married?

(Jun 08 at 22:27) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image

It will be act of worship after nikkah and you get reward for it even in intercourse. The same kssng holding hsnds etc converts from haram to halal after nikkah + good deeds on kissing , holding hands etc. even putting food in wifes mouth becomes a act of worship (inaadah)

You can do as much as you desire for each other.

Note: anal sex or sex during menses isnt allowed

(Jun 08 at 22:40) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

So you're saying that even though what we are doing right now is haram, if we get married, all these haram deeds will become halal?

(Jun 08 at 22:58) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image

Yes and you need to repent for haram so that these deeds are converted to good deeds

(Jun 09 at 07:14) abdul_wasay ♦ abdul_wasay's gravatar image

When would I have to repent?

(Jun 09 at 20:30) Oskol22 Oskol22's gravatar image
showing 5 of 15 show all

First of all stop whatever u r doing it is haraam. u both are non mahrams to each other u cannot even shake hands let alone kiss. if u really want to marry him ask forgiveness from allah for what u have done insha allah he will forgive you. then talk to ur parents not about ur relation but about marriage. have trust in allah. another thing about sex before marriage u see when shaitaan knocks on ur door to do zina u dont need to open the whole door shaitaan just needs a crack in your imaan. if u continue talking to him and meeting him u will commit zina. my advice to u is stay away from him until marriage please.

answered 955 Abdullah%20Shadab's gravatar image
edited Jun 10 at 09:57
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Asked: Jun 08 at 20:03

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Last updated: Jun 10 at 09:57

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