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My mother was very unloved as a child by her parents as they loved her brothers more than her. They were never affectionate towards her and they made her cook and clean for her brothers. Ever since my grandmother got ill (when I was 15)has tried to win her parents' love by neglecting us (me and my sisters) and looking after her brothers (who are in their 40s)there was nothing to eat when my sisters came home after school, but she cooked when her brothers came round (everyday)When my sister confronted her gently, she ABUSED us emotionally by saying that she wasn't going to take care of our grandmother (her mother) as she knew it would stop us from confronting her as our grandmother was bedridden and vulnerable. From then on, if we said ANYTHING bad about her brothers, she'd neglect her mother as she knew it would harm us greatly as we couldn't have taken care of out grandmother, it would've been impossible to lift her out of bed to go to the bathroom.

The last thing she said to our grandparents before they passed away was that she'd take care of their sons. She had turned into a doormat and she hadn't been like that when I was a child. I once asked her why her brothers always came round (as I had exams at the time) and she threw her plate of food at me. I failed all my exams even though my predicted grades were all A+s. I also got severely bullied at school at that time and couldn't continue with school so I left. Yesterday was my birthday and she went out with her brothers. When she came back, I asked her how she could leave me on my special day and she SHOUTED at me. She didn't WANT to know what I was feeling. I have no friends and nowhere to go but I cannot live with her. I have been contemplating suicide as I have been severely heartbroken by my mother telling me I am stupid and that nobody wants to be my friends because I'm worthless. I know suicide is a sin but enduring a life like this is horrific. I have no money and no friends so I cannot get away from her. I have to take medication for anxiety, stress, depression, post traumatic stress and bipolar ALL because of this neglect. The frustration of her not understanding anything I say makes me want to die. I know it's a sin but THIS IS TORTURE.

I don't know what else to do. (by the way, showing her love will not change her so please don't suggest it, I tried cooking cleaning and other things but she doesn't even notice. She's a horrible person and people like her don't deserve me because I still try to understand her situation. She always calls me useless and I'm still nice to her) Please pray for me. I don't want to die but every night when I close my eyes to go to sleep, I wish I died. My life is not worth living if my own mother does not like me.

Dear sister, all your solutions lie with Allah the Almighty. You must beg Him, and ask for His help, for He alone can save you from the situation you are in. May Allah ease your burden and grant you strength and patience.

Dont even think of suicide. Suicide is not just a sin. When you kill yourself thinking this will bring you comfort and relief,

The Prophet salllallahu alaihi wasallam said "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever." (Hadith - Bukhari 7:670, Narrated Abu Huraira radiallahu anhu)

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answered 1856 IbnFaruque's gravatar image

This is frightening me though. Why will I go to hell for suffering so badly? You're scaring me. It makes me think that I do not love Allah, I'm just scared of him. I would rather be in hell than to be unloved by my mother. It is causing me psychological trauma. I appreciate you trying to help.

(Jun 09 at 06:29) elliev elliev's gravatar image

Bismillah. May Allah strengthen you and cause you healing. When you commit suicide, it is almost as if you are making a statement, 'O Allah you are unfair to me.' when Allah promises you 'Allah does not burden a person more than it can bear.' (Surah Baqarah, last verse). And who is more just than Allah? Sister read this and compare this with your mother: http://homicides.suntimes.com/2014/05/21/prosectuors-maria-espinoza-perez-beat-3-year-old-daughter-ashley-mendoza-to-death-at-northwest-side-home/

(Jun 09 at 06:57) IbnFaruque IbnFaruque's gravatar image

Sister, I would like to quote here a few verses of the Quran, where Allah, may He be Exalted says: [interpretation of the meaning:]

And from wherever you go out [for prayer], turn your face toward al-Masjid al-Haram. And wherever you [believers] may be, turn your faces toward it in order that the people will not have any argument against you, except for those of them who commit wrong; so fear them not but fear Me. And [it is] so I may complete My favor upon you and that you may be guided.

Just as We have sent among you a messenger from yourselves reciting to you Our verses and purifying you and teaching you the Book and wisdom and teaching you that which you did not know.

So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me.

O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly! Allah is with As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

And say not of those who are killed in the Way of Allah, "They are dead." Nay, they are living, but you perceive (it) not.

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."

They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones.

(2:150-157)

Do not give up hope and do not despair of the Mercy of your Lord, the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful and do not forge that He is the acceptor of our supplications and that He will reward the good doers in the Hereafter with Paradise. Remember that your Lord is the Most Just and that this life is but a test that will soon be over. and reflect on His blessings. If you try to count them, and you can never fully count and innumerate them, you will always find them to be greater than your dificulties.

Remember that Satan invites you to the hellfire and Allah invites you to His Mercy and Forgiveness.

May Allah make it easy for you.. Ameen.

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answered 1856 IbnFaruque's gravatar image
edited Jun 09 at 07:19

What do you suggest i do to fix things with my mother?

(Jun 09 at 07:22) elliev elliev's gravatar image

@elliev, the first thing I need to know is your mother muslim? The second thing I want to inform you is that Allah azza waj jall has commanded us to never sever the ties of the womb in the quran and in a hadith qudsi Allah has cursed any who does so. I suggest sister that you give your mother her do respect as such, than focus on Allah as your wakil. It seems as though your whole focus is on her and you negate the Rabb of all worlds. This my sister is a form of shirk for your return is to Allah. Killing yourself is never a option, enduring with what has been written for you with patience is

(Jun 09 at 09:48) yaqin ♦ yaqin's gravatar image

Thank you for trying to help, Yaqin. I appreciate it a lot. My mother is muslim, but Im not that religious. (Im trying2 be otherwise I would not be here now) I hope you understand how much Im hurting. My own MOTHER is so nasty and mean to me, it's difficult to bare. I almost can't take it. Normal mothers love their children, but mine is not normal. She is SO MEAN to me! I have to take medication for stress caused by her. She prays all the time but I wonder if it counts because she's so abusive towards ME, her own child! Please I BEG YOU, pray for my mother to be nicer to me. SHE IS SOO MEAN!

(Jun 09 at 09:58) elliev elliev's gravatar image

where the blessing reside. You are young sister and inshallah you have a whole life ahead of you. I just want to leave you with a few thoughts, first, always remember dua is the weapon of the believer, offer the dua sincerely abandon your thoughts of killing yourself for this is from the whispers of shaytan. Use your weapon, trust me sister the duas work. Second always remember this. If you had your mother as you would like things to be between yall and your grades were great and you become successful at the expense of Allah azza waj jall, THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING!!! Now if your mother situation

(Jun 09 at 10:00) yaqin ♦ yaqin's gravatar image

remains the same and your strive in the way of Allah to do what is required of you first as a muslim than as a daughter and you tawakkallah rely on Allah to be the disposer of all your affairs and you give praise in the good of the qadr of Allah and the bad of it, THEN YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!!! Without Allah you have nothing.... ponder this. Salaam

(Jun 09 at 10:05) yaqin ♦ yaqin's gravatar image

Sister, you not striving to do your best when it comes to islam is ninety nine percent of the problem. If your mother prays than appeal to her islam.

(Jun 09 at 10:42) yaqin ♦ yaqin's gravatar image
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Question: [What may be some wisdom for which Allah allowed a certain child abuse to happen, even though He is the Most Merciful?]

Answer:

AssalamuAlaikum,

Thank your for your question.

If you think that Allah will never allow an innocent person to be hurt, then this is not actually true. Have you thought:

About the baby daughters whom the pagan Arabs used to bury. What sin did they do?

About the Muslim scholars who suffer persecution, torture, etc..?

What about the persecution faced by the Sahabas?

About the pain, persecution, hunger, etc suffered by Allah's most beloved of creation - His Messenger Muhammad (Peace be upon him)??

Allah does not punish the innocent. But Allah may expose the innocent to pain, suffering, and difficulties. Why?

This question would need a long long answer. Allah knows best. Ill just mention a few points inshAllah that may be some wisdom behind it:

The incident with the child was not to punish the child, but as a test for others. Remember the reason why we are living this present life is that it is a test for us. Maybe it was a test for the father. Will he stop or continue? Maybe it was a test for someone who knew about this. Will they stop the father? Will they ignore. Maybe it is a test for YOU AND ME. Will we doubt Allah's wisdom in what He allows to happen. Or will we say we dont know while Allah knows. Maybe it is a test and a reminder for those who are suffering from other problems. Will this make them more grateful that they are in a better condition than this child? Maybe it is a test and a warning for those who do such crime. Will what happened to the father make them stop? Or will they continue? Maybe it is a test and a warning for those who might do such crime in the future. The example of the father being exposed should be a warning for them, but will they commit a crime despite this warning? Maybe it is a test for those who read this news. Will they harbour ill feelings towards all Saudis just because of what one did or will they be fair in judging their brothers. Etc, etc, etc.

This world is not Jannah (paradise). Bad things happen to good people. But this life is only temporary. Soon it will be over, where the righteous will be rewarded eternally in Paradise and the wrongdoers in hell

Allah created human beings who can do both good and evil. If human beings cant do evil, there would be no test!

Without evil, there would be no dawah (inviting people to Islam), no shahids (martyrs), no enjoining of good and forbidding evil.

There would be no reward for not avoiding evil (like temptations, alchohol, etc) because there would be no evil.

Sometimes, trials and tests bring out the best qualities in human beings. For example, it is only when tested with trials that you can be display patience, and generous, and restrain yourself from anger, etc. Sometimes calamities remind us to turn back to Allah and stop the sins we are doing..

Sometimes they remind us of the blessings of Allah which we sometimes do not contemplate until the blessings we have is taken away from us.

Sometimes calamities are PUNISHMENTS to evil doers (but this as we said is not the only reason why bad things happen to good people)

ETC ETC ETC

Only Allah knows the complete wisdom why He allows such events as you and I mentioned to take place.

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answered 1856 IbnFaruque's gravatar image
edited Jun 09 at 07:53

since IbnFaruque has already mentioned the consequence of Suicide all im going to say about it is dont even think about it and fight the devils(by remembering Allah and seeking his help etc) when they put such thoughts in your mind because if you are going to get anything at all by doing it then it will only be the end of this life,you`re only shot at heaven and we all know where does people go if they are not going to heaven.

i know its really hard on you that your own mother is doing this to you and everything that happened in school but tell you what ? you have no idea how valuable your life really is and as a matter of fact 99% of us dont realize how valuable and precious this life truly is and even if the whole world tells you what your mother said to you,even then suicide is not justifiable and it can never be justified no matter what we are going through because it is Allah swt who gives life and only he has the right to take it away.

i cant give you false hope and say your mother is going to change after this day(tho i really pray she does) but i can tell you one thing that she is wrong about you and she has no right to call you useless just because you dont have friends at this point or for whatever reason she says that about you, she`s absolutely wrong and has no idea what she is doing. you n your sister have far more rights on her than her brothers,you two are her responsibility and not her brothers and just because she said so to her parents doesnt mean she can neglect you for keeping her promise.

you cant allow her to ruin your n your sisters education and lives at any cost but im not saying you should consider leaving her,all i can say is you have to be on your own and dont get depressed because of her behaviour towards you because its not just you but your sister will also have troubles cuz of all this so you have to be strong right now and you cant let your mother makes you sick n torture you like this sister. just dont let her do this to you and try to avoid trouble, dont ask of her and dont expect much from her right now because she might only disappoint you as long as she is also looking after her brothers so dont ask for it at the moment and concentrate on what`s more important sister.

i dont really know about the schooling system in your place(if you are from the Usa) and understand why schools have failed so badly to prevent these things from happening and dealing with bullies.you should go to another school if its possible or try homeschooling if its feasible for you.just keep looking and please dont end it like this since Masha Allah you are indeed a bright student and it was not your fault that you failed in those tests because anyone would with all those things going on in their lives.just dont give up like this no matter what you are going through.i know its easier for people like me to type things on the screen while we dont know what you really are going through but let me assure you many people are going through far worse and yet they have not contemplated suicided once in their lives because they know they deserve better than suicide and the current state they are in so they trying the best they can do and seeking Allahs help to get things right in their lives and that`s something we all should try to do, live this one life to the best of our ability.

I just pray Allah helps you sister n he guides your mum to be nice towards you and that he make things better for you at home and school and that he helps you with your studies and life, As'salam Alaykum.

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answered 454 Asmar993's gravatar image

Thank you for your kindness. I turned 20 yesterday and she left me on my birthday to go out with her brothers. When she came back I told her I was upset because she chose them instead of me on my special day. I was so hurt. I left school at 16 but now I'm 20 I can't go back to school but in Ireland you have to go to college and then pursue a university degree afterwards. I am too depressed to continue with education right now.

(Jun 09 at 10:34) elliev elliev's gravatar image

its alright sister,i think most students would quit if they have to go through all this at that age.its your depression and PSTD thats worrying me because its something you shouldnt suffer from specially at this young age.if your mother is the main reason for your condition then please try to limit your conversation with her for the time being and never get in an argument even if she provokes you.please start praying and learn some duas for stress and anxiety and recite them with full conviction whenever you feel like it.i will keep you in my duas Insha Allah,please take care of yourself.

(Jun 09 at 11:02) Asmar993 Asmar993's gravatar image

this book would be a great help

http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/fortress_of_the_muslim.pdf

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.readismed.hisnulmuslim

https://itunes.apple.com/id/app/hisnul-muslim/id423290728?mt=8

wish you well sister please take care and dont regret anything for it wasnt your fault,just look for all that which is ahead and keep praying for good,As`salam Alaykum.

(Jun 09 at 11:08) Asmar993 Asmar993's gravatar image

Thank you for your support. Hope to speak to you soon.

(Jun 09 at 13:42) elliev elliev's gravatar image

Asmar993 I need your help with another question, you helped me so much during the time where I was unhappy and now the situation between my mother and me has resolved completely! i have made her understand. But now I have another problem that is ruining my life! Please will you help me by answering my new question! Please! Thank you

(Jun 29 at 06:39) elliev elliev's gravatar image

Dear elliev,

you have a real beautiful desire, which is to be loved by your mother.

at the same time, you do experience with your heart and life that your mother does not provide you this natural love and attention to you for this is a natural expectation, that to have a motherly love being showered so upon us.

may be you should first REST ASSURED that you WILL GET this Motherly Love

may be not the way you expect it but the way it is planned for you to receive it.

for SURE you will get it PROVIDED you BELIEVE you shall.

unless you build yourself up FIRST you can never grow in that receiving

because my dear from a place of pain it is hard to make a seed of love grow and see your life changing for the best

but if you be kinder to yourself if you don't queue up so many changes and expectation from your mother if you let it go let her be as she is while innerly you KEEP BELIEVING that IF she has not the ability to give you Motherly Love

BUT as it is PROMISE of GOD to give us this Motherly Love

THEN YOU WILL GET IT you just don't know how and when and in which circumstances

but i promise you you will.

for you are NOT at fault so do NOT blame yourself of not being good enough for her. nor ever think of yourself as a victim for these both feelings are negative and false.

but start with a TRUTHFUL BASE if you want something TRUE and SOLID to grow up as a solution for you.

start with the base that YOU ARE WORTHY of God's LOVE and The Name even Ar Rahman, means the Mercy Giving the One whose Merciful love is a motherly Love

for the arabic word Rahm means womb.

see? just let go of ALL of your burden just let it go forgive yourself and her

and FOCUS in YOURSELF FIRST on the ONLY Truth

which is that it is God Promise to give you this Motherly LOVE.

and ask God everyday for it BASED on the Truth of His Name.

be sincere in your attention and in your ardent desire to Him do not mix it up with negative feelings of anxiety or victimisation and so on

for remember you will only become strong in what you nourish so try to nourish more the expectation of seeing the Promise of God of giving you this Motherly Love in HIS WAY and not in your way.ok?

you are loved dear for sure otherwise, why He would allow you to ask for Motherly Love? it is JUST because you have to focus purely on that.

ok?

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answered 10 petals's gravatar image
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Asked: Jun 09 at 05:56

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Last updated: Jun 29 at 06:39



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