My problems are quite complicated. I am married man for 8 years and have two children below 5 years old. I had a very good job and we were living a very calm and good life. My wife and I were very close except from time to time she always see that i am not looking well after her. When she said this she never told me what should I do or what have I done wrong. To the best of my knowledge I have always look well after her, giving her whatever she likes (halaal) and always be with her. I take care of everything in the house so as to make her comfortable. I take care of every aspects of her life (health, helping her in every ways that I can). I always do my best to stay with my family (wife and children) whenever I could so that they feel that I love them and care for them. I never go out alone without my wife because I love her and want to show her that I am always here for her unless there are religious obligation. I bring her to wherever she wants too. I never ever get angry or quarrel with her or being rough with her. On the contrary I always want things to be clear, pleasant and to always keep good relation. I dislike that one or the other do not talk or being apart in a corner from each other. Now since 6 months back I have lose everything my job, my house, my car, almost everything except my family is still with me. We are now living at my brother's in law house (my wife brother).
Now that my financial situation has changed, seeing difficulties her behaviour with me has changed a lot. She is always complaining about my parents (father and mother) my sister and brother. Each time we talked about them she become nervous and says that they are not good persons and that they think bad on her, which is not true. My family never ever mingle in our private life unless there is a problem and want to help. Now that I am not working and that our financial situation is not the same as before my parents, brother and sister want to help us but my wife does not want to take anything from them. Each time they phone me, she gets angry and the whole day is spoilt and she keeps repeating same things again that they hurts her and so on. My wife tells me also that she does not deserve this type of life, that I have ruined her life, that I am the only person that makes her heart most painful that anybody else. That she does not feel any more love for me and she considers me as a friend only. She even say that she should have left me well before.
On deen side whenever i talked good words with her about deen islam she get nervous and tells me that I do not have to tell her about this or this in deen because she already knows it. Anything I try to explain to her even other subjects she get nervous and angry. When I told her not to be angry, she always tells me that she is not angry. I know her well, i know her tone well and i know she is angry. Even salaat she neglects. If I tell her to do salaat she will surely get angry and will tell me that i do not need to tell her to do namaz. Sometimes I have listened to religious talk or khutba and want to share to her, she does not listen, her face changes or get angry or the usual things. "I already know this". In everyday life also I cannot teach her anything, the usual saying again "you do not have to tell me I already know this". Even in our life before I lose my job it was like this. Any small things she gets angry and make it a big issue. On my side I am a calm person who dont like to get angry or see someone angry or to see someone sad or in tears. I always try to arrange things by being good. I am not saying that I am good but I will never harm anybody even in talking.
As for the children each time I talk to my sons she always tells me that you should not tell this or that as if she want to have all control over the children even when I talk to them. In fact she is seeing everything bad on me.
My mind is in total confusion as I have the problem of unemployment with all the hardships that it bring and now my wife is behaving very rudely as if I do not exist. Before I lose my job at least she was listening to me in certain aspects and now she is doing whatever she wants. She does not even care if I ate or not, if I am ok or not. Every day I keep asking Allah to help me and help her also.
If someone could give me certain advise or had same experience about what to do. I have not even talk about my problem with anyone except with Allah. I want a solution deriving from our deen Islam. If I make this a family issue I am sure everything will finish between us. I know also that the best of advise comes from a mother. I know her very well. She does as her mind tells her to do. She does see things as per Islam rules or neither will she listen to anybody. May Allah the All Knowing guides me. Ameen.