I was born and brought up a Muslim and obviously when you're growing up, you don't question what you're told. However as I got older I felt less and less into religion itself (I never wore a hijab either, if that's worth mentioning.) It's always my mom saying "make sure you pray" and "learn more about your religion" so I just got on with it but I’ve gotten to a point where I’m not happy with it. I don't drink or smoke, I eat halal and I don’t believe in sex before marriage (and I haven’t had any relationships either) so there are some elements that I agree with but on the whole, this isn't about me wanting to tell my mom I don't feel religious or me leaving the religion, it's about sharing my thoughts and looking at what other people think. At the end of the day, for me I don’t feel like I need religion or its teachings to live my life, it’s very forceful and if you don’t follow it to the book then you’re damned. I’m not going to pretend I’m the best person in the world but I also don’t think religion is what makes people good, it’s themselves.
Now I've always believed in Allah and I always will, for me He is something I really feel to be true. I’m so thankful for all the times He’s been there for me and I don’t question Him at all, however, it's just religion as a whole I’m not really in to. I feel as though all religions are in some way contradictory to their beliefs and they all have a set way of living which is impossible for everybody to abide by perfectly, risking an eternity in hell. I went through a phase of pushing myself into religion where I prayed and read the Qur'an as much as possible and it made me feel at peace, but I don't feel like I need to do that in order to grow closer to Allah. I also felt fake as I was doing it to look like a good Muslim when I didn’t feel it in my heart. I feel just theist and not religious at all, but at the same time having some parts of religious teachings within me as I was brought up that way. Also, everything comes back to God. Religions, generally, are different paths that people take to get to God, and so isn’t it perfectly decent for someone to take their own path towards God?
My mom is religious, as is my older brother and so I feel like how I'm feeling now is going to break my family apart as I get older (I'm 19 now and I also have a younger sister and brother.) I don’t think it’s right for myself or my family to try and force views upon me that I don’t agree with so long as I live and strive to be as good as I can while on the earth. Also, when I have kids, I’m not going to force them into believing anything either, just as long as I bring them up with the best values and teaching them right from wrong. I know a lot of people will probably leave hate for me, but can someone please offer decent thoughts on the situation? I don’t think anyone or anything will change my mind but I’d like to see what other people think.
Just as a note: dad’s not around, my parents are divorced. He wasn’t a great man and not a very good Muslim either.