I have been married for 3 months and have recently been placed in Idaa by my husband, whom I love very much, fisibillah. We are very young, I being 20, him 21, and we both have a variety of shortcomings. My shortcomings have surpassed his and have caused the demise of our marriage. I hit him, I spoke harshly to him, and I did not do my duty as the wife.
I had a trial-filled upbringing and resentments that I had towards my parents consumed me almost completely. This, in turn, makes me consciously and unconciously push everyone who loves me away. Whenever my husband or his family did something that I did not find suitable, I would lash out at them and allow shaitan to infiltrate my relationships with them. This has left its lasting mark.
My fear is that my husband will never love me again, and at this point, where the guilt from my character flaws keeps me awake at night at prevents me from being truly happy, I want to do WHATEVER it takes to make things right. We have decided to to this ramadhan to clear our hearts of all anger and decide if divorce is best, but need help finding ways to bring care and love back into his heart for me. I love him, and all I want is another chance to show that. I made dua that Allah SWT forgives, that my husband forgives me, and that Allah SWT helps me to truly forgive myself. Please help me save my marriage and my soul. Jazakullah Khair.