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Assalamalaikum, I can't say from my heart that I love my Mother, as the first child I know it sounds strange but growing up and observing her behaviour, my opinion of her has worsened and though I try to control my emotions and actions I sometimes question myself as to whether I should change tactics. I find that by bullet points it helps to list problems so here goes, - From a young age I have seen her abusing my father and his family verbally - This foul language has worsened since coming to a Western country - She resorts to emotional blackmail using children to support her (youngest is only 8) - She is unstable and has short violent outbursts usually triggered by anything related to my father - She gets jealous when my father receives affection from his children - She has threatened the life of my father and his family a few times now - When confronted with this behaviour (by father) she says he abuses her - I have never seen my father abuse her verbally or physically - She dislikes her heritage, culture, mother tongue, and has forbidden such influences to us - I personally love my heritage, culture, "father" tongue yet cannot pursue it - She was born Muslim but similarly is not a good one however she does not discourage us from following Islam - On the other hand she makes fun of us i.e. not reducing the TV volume when we pray - My father took it upon himself to discuss her issues with her mother and siblings, they agree her actions are wrong but when my mother is talked to about this she shuts us as well as her own family out - Her loud voice means our neighbours get earaches at all hours - Watching her family and my father's, I have come to know she is wrong in what she does, but unfortunately her behaviour has rubbed off on my middle sister, she has constant arguements and is influenced by the Western culture towards parents which is less respectful, my sister abuses, shouts, physically acts upon peopel when angry like my mother however she has the ability to be kind and caring. I have lost hope on improving my mother but I do not want this environment to be picked up by my sisters, though they see what is right and wrong, since we don't see our relatives much due to my mother they do not understand the respect for parents in the proper environment. I apologise for the longevity of this, but I address you for help in what I should do. My studies have been jeopardised as well as my regularity with praying which I am ashamed of but though I try to find a friend to talk to, there is no Muslim friend who I am comfortable to talk about this to in my area, my friends from my previous country are my only source of comfort but their distance means it's hard to converse. Inshallah things will improve but if my parent's friction results in a divorce I believe this will make us ever more estranged with our relatives of which some i have yet to meet. My mother argues that we are HER children, should obey HER command, that our father should also obey HER command since he ruined HER marriage and SHE is his wife. My mother is an attention seeker and much to my dislike chats/bitches/tells family issues to strangers who give their own opinion based on her bias. I would like to hear or more appropriately read your views, opinions, advice and would like to thank you for bearing with me through my long story. Thank you.

asked 43415 Mim4040's gravatar image

i see that you are in a very difficult situation and allah loves those who are patient its very good that you worry about your sister. many mosques have sunday school were they teach children about islam i belive this would streghthen her faith. also it would give her a good learning enviroment and a good influence of friends, hoever if you are unable to do this fore any reason i would suggest you try to streghthen your relashinship with her. she may be acting up because of problems at school, or she just dosent have anyone to teach her about islam. you should be very kind to her get to know her much more to create a sort of bond were she can talk to you about anything. this way she can release her negative emotions or feelings without acting up. from the enviroment she is currently as you have described, she may also be having issues not only because she learned it from her mother, but your mother may not be giving her the attention she needs such as raising her and talking to her in the matter that any other mother would. i suggest you show her you care about her and give her the affection your mother would. help her with homework ask her about school, take it upon yourself to try to raise her better if you feel your mother isnt giving her much positive influence. and lastly i suggest you pray to allah to help you with this situation and asking if he may guide you sister, or help guide her to the right path. remember to keep up regular prayers, and encourage your mother and sister to do so also, i find it rekaxing and it releases your mind of any negative thoughts. insha-allah you find ease, the quran says inna ma3 il 3usri usraa, with difficulties there comes ease.

answered 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

Thanks for the advice, I do try to but my sister seems to see it as a challenge for who's being the best child because whenever I am nice/good she retaliates. Dad's never home (always at work) and my Mother doesn't establish respect anyway so there is no sense of respect for elders. Anyhow I will continue on and pray that Inshallah things turn out well.

(May 02 '12 at 14:01) Mim4040 Mim4040's gravatar image

Salam alaikum my brother, family problem is 1 of d wrst so far. U kan stil plan wt ur father and change her.try taking her out, buy gifts 4 ha and make her feel special and loved..try and explain to her (u and ur father) hw important she 4 ur 6ta, try and go alng wt ha.take her alng 2 any islamic gathering and teach ha islamic values..may Allah help u dear

answered 131 Danusman%20husseina's gravatar image

Walaikum Assalaam,sister actually, thank you for your advice and taking the time to answer, I have planned to get her to go to gatherings of the kind you have spoken about and Inshallah my mother will also realise.

(May 04 '12 at 10:57) Mim4040 Mim4040's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 29 '12 at 13:32

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Last updated: Jun 24 at 15:38

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