Assalam-o-Alaikum all learned muslim readers; i want to bring a point under discussion which i am sure must help me attain religious views on what has been irritating my mind since long. i have surfed whole internet finding answer to it in islamic perspective but couldn't really discover any meaningful answers. i have been a hashish smoker for long; had it in abundance with friends; meanwhile got married; tried to quit it but couldnt; and the most sad part; i started having it before mating with wife; i was blessed with a son; then i tried and succeeded in quitting hashish by the grace of Almighty. However, certain questions have since been irritating my mind; some of those are; 1. have i committed such a criminal act that might have affected talaq or breakage of nikah when i mated with wife in such a condition. 2. do i have a legitimate child; i know he is my child, but does it has any affect on the spirit or physical or mental condition of a child? 3. During sexual relationship with hashish taken, i rarely was conscious and started enjoying fantasies like rape, zina during intercourse with wife, not actually thinking her my wife; however, this is fact that in my whole life i have never gone to any woman or developed illicit relations with any other woman; it just was a cynical mindset that lead me consider my own wife as a pleasure giving whore or something. Fellow Muslims, therefore, now i am extremely perturbed over what i have been doing; how can i bring that time back and decide not to do what i did; what is the remedy?? although, to my good or bad luck my wife didnt get a clue as what i have been doing. i seek guidance on related religious aspects from learned readers. may Allah be with you all. thanking in anticipation. Assalam-0-Alaikum
Please consider fifth and six sentence of Sûrat Al-Fâtihah 1. You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything). 2. Guide us to the Straight Way. Please read Book of ALLAH to human (Quarn) and always ask ALLAH for help. May I recommend Salawth (prayer) as a Meditation, to train mind to realize benefit. Do not allow any negativity, Whispers of Evil, to gain control over, and ruin you and your family and life.
greetings brother. well first thing i want to say is am no expert in religion and islam. but what i believe is you are one courageous man. of course what you did was wrong. you thought bad of your wife, you were in hashish. but now take it like this - you tried real hard and you quited hashish! thats a very brave thing to do! now i believe just go to your wife, with all your heart and soul and with all your love for her, tell her what's in your mind, ask her for apology. am sure she will forgive you and will swell with love and respect for you. just give it a try and everything will be alright. and as for your child, am sure he's ok in every way. he'll be as fit as a horse. forgive me if i offended you in any way.
thanks a lot brother for encouraging me with my so called determination that lead me finally quit a bad habit and repent. but your advice on asking for forgiveness from wife is debatable to an extent. when she has been ignorant about what all has been going on my question is that what is the necessity of divulging my wrong doings to her when its gone forever without any serious outcomes, alhamdulillah. I just want to know whether asking for forgiveness from wife is mandatory or not??? I am also suspecting that she might look down upon me with sheer hate; so why not prey from almighty that he should delete in his book whatever has happened and my wife remains ignorant for goods, what do you say??? looking for worthy replies. Regards
hmmm now that is a tricky thing to answer. What really matters is that you have left hashish and all the evil with it. You have a nice loving wife and a lill baby. The way I see this is (may be am wrong) now if you are sure you have left all those habits and are 100% sure they won't follow you back, even if someone offers you hashish, then it would be better to bury the past. I thought your wife knew and was troubled with these things. And again if you still have a sting or the guilt, then just confess. It will lighten you. Just do not carry the guilt with you as they say in Sanskrit, the difference between Chita (funeral pire) and Chinta (Worries) is One burns the dead & the other burns the living.
And as for the "look down upon" part I seriously do not think she will do that. She'll have more respect for you and will surely respect you more for you had the courage to face her!! But if you think it may create friction between you two, then better not take the chance!! Happy life brother :) Just remember you are a faithful Muslim.
Praise be to Allaah.
Sexual fantasies are among the thoughts that cross a person’s mind because it is something that is stored in the subconscious which is affected by the environment in which he lives and the scenes that he sees. These are thoughts that occur to most people, especially the youth, but they vary from one person to another with regard to their type, strength and effect.
Islamic sharee’ah is the sharee’ah of the fitrah (natural state of man) and it is in harmony with human nature, and it takes into account the psychological fluctuation that Allaah has made a part of the human make-up. So it does not go beyond human limitations or impose impossible burdens.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah burdens not a person beyond his scope”
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said commenting on this hadeeth:
Whatever crosses a person’s mind, so long as he does not dwell on it or continue to think of it, he is forgiven for it, according to scholarly consensus, because it does not happen voluntarily and he has no way of avoiding it.
Al-Adhkaar (p. 345).
Passing fancies come under the heading of that which crosses a person’s mind, which is forgiven according to the hadeeth quoted above. So if a person imagines haraam things that came to his mind unbidden, there is no blame or sin on him, rather he has to ward them off as much as he can.
If a person dwells on haraam thoughts and calls them to mind, then the fuqaha’ differed as to how to view this situation – is it covered by that forgiveness or does it come under the heading of thinking and resolving 9to do something haraam) for which a person may be called to account?
This issue was discussed by the fuqaha’ in the following manner:
If a man is having intercourse with his wife and is thinking of the charms of another woman, so that he imagines he is having intercourse with her, are those thoughts and fantasies haraam? The fuqaha’ differed concerning that.
The first view is that it is haraam, and that the one who deliberately brings haraam images to mind whilst having intercourse with his wife is sinning.
Ibn ‘Aabideen al-Hanafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The view that is closest to the spirit of our madhhab is that it is not permissible, because imagining that woman as if he is having intercourse with her is imagining oneself committing a sin with a woman who is not permissible for him.
Haashiyat Radd al-Muhtaar (6/272).
Imam Muhammad al-‘Abdari, who is known Ibn al-Haaj al-Maaliki (may Allaah have mercy on him), said:
A man should refrain from thinking such thoughts and tell others to avoid this behaviour too, i.e., this obnoxious characteristic that has unfortunately become very common, which is when a man sees a woman whom he likes, he goes to his wife and has intercourse with her, and starts to imagine that woman whom he has seen.
This is a kind of zina (adultery) because of what our scholars (may Allaah have mercy on them) have said about the one who takes a tankard and drinks water from it, but he imagines that it is alcohol that he is drinking – so that water becomes haraam for him.
What we have mentioned does not apply only to men, rather it also includes women, and it applies even more so to them, because what is common nowadays is that they go out or look out from windows, and if they see someone whom they like, they start thinking about him, then when they have intercourse with their husbands they bring that image that they have seen to mind, so each of them may be committing zina in some sense – we ask Allaah to keep us safe from that.
He should not only avoid that himself, he should also draw his family’s and other people’s attention to it, and tell that this is haraam and is not permitted.
Al-Madkhil (2/194, 195).
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Ibn ‘Aqeel stated in al-Ri’aayah al-Kubra that if a man imagines the image of another woman who is forbidden to him whilst having intercourse with his wife, he is sinning, but a passing thought that he cannot prevent does not constitute a sin.
Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/98).
The evidence for this opinion is the view favoured by a number of scholars, that if thoughts that cross the mind become entrenched and may turn into something that one resolves to do, then they come under the heading of things for which one is accountable, and that haraam fantasies that a person deliberately calls to mind are not covered by forgiveness, because they have been thought of deliberately and the person will be called to account for that.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The reason why passing thoughts are forgiven is what we have mentioned above, that they cannot be avoided. But it is possible to avoid dwelling on them. Hence dwelling on them is haraam.
The second view is that it is permissible, and that there is no sin on the one who does that. This is the view of a number of later Shaafa’i scholars, such as al-Subki and al-Suyooti.
They said: That is because there is no resolve or determination to sin in fantasies. He may imagine that he is having intercourse with that woman, but there is no resolve in his heart or any plan to do that, rather he may refuse if given the opportunity to do it.
It says in Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj fi Sharh al-Minhaaj (7/205, 206) – which is a Shaafa’i book:
Because when he thinks of that or imagines it, it does not occur to him to actually commit zina or do any of the things that lead to it, let alone resolve to do it. All that is happening to him is that he imagines something reprehensible as something good. End quote.
See: al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra (4/87).
It seems that the correct view is the view that such fantasies are makrooh, even if we do not say that they are haraam. That is for the following reasons:
1- Many psychologists regard sexual fantasies as a psychological disorder if they dominate a person’s thinking to such an extent that he cannot enjoy any pleasure except through these fantasies, and that may lead to abnormal sexual fantasies.
2- Islamic sharee’ah teaches the principle of sadd al-dharaa’i’ or blocking the means that may lead to haraam things and closing every door that may lead to evil. It is to be expected that sexual fantasies may lead to a person committing haraam deeds. A person who frequently imagines something and wishes for it will inevitably develop the motive to do it and will try to do it a great deal. So he starts by looking at haraam images, and his eyes become accustomed to looking at haraam things, then he will try to fulfil his fantasies.
3- Most of these fantasies comes to people’s mind by haraam means in people’s minds, such as permissive satellite channels and by watching scenes of decadent societies from kaafir lands all over the world, where there is no modesty and watching sex scenes is becoming a daily habit, as is obvious to anyone who live or works in those countries.
4- Finally, such fantasies may lead to spouses losing interest in one another, so the wife is no longer attractive to her husband, and vice versa, which leads to marital problems, and then sufferings and problems start.
For all of these reasons, our advice to everyone who is tested with such fantasies is to hasten to put a stop to them and rid himself of them. The following means may be of help:
1 –Completely avoiding everything that may provoke such fantasies, such as haraam movies and TV shows which are shown on satellite TV, as well as avoiding reading stories that generate such fantasies. We have already discussed on our site the fact that it is haraam to read such sexual stories. See the answer to question no. 34489.
Al-Ghazaali said in Ihya’ ‘Uloom al-Deen (1/162):
The way to ward off distracting thoughts is to cut off their source, i.e. avoid the means that could create these thoughts; if the source of such thoughts is not stopped, it will keep generating them. End quote
2 – Regularly reciting the adhkaar that are prescribed in sharee’ah, especially that which is said before having intercourse: “Allaahumma jannibna al-shaytaana wa jannib al-shaytaana ma razaqtana (O Allaah, keep the Shaytaan away from us and keep the Shaytaan away from that with which You bless us).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (141)and Muslim (1434).
3 – Focusing on the present enjoyment instead of that which is absent. In both spouses there is that which will keep the other from thinking of haraam things. If each spouse focuses on the attractions of the other, they will not be distracted by fantasies of other things.
4 – Imagine if your wife had fantasies like you do, would you accept that? Wouldn’t that make you feel unhappy? How can you accept to make your husband feel like that? Try to use this thought to get rid of what you are feeling.
5 – Consult psychologists. There is nothing wrong with your going to a female psychologist or family doctor and asking her for advice; you may find something to help you in sha Allaah.
Praise be to Allah and peace and blessings be on His Prophet SAWS.
Smoking is one of the things which has caused a lot of problems and harm these days and it has spread like wild fire. Before we discuss this topic in detail, we should know that Allaah the Almighty has divided things in the world into two types, good or permissible (al-tayyibaat, al-halaal) and evil or prohibited (al-khabaa'ith, al-haraam), and there is no third type. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning) in surat al-A'raaf (7:157):
"And He makes good things halaal for them and bad things haraam."
Considering this fact, smoking can either be permissible and good or prohibited and evil.
Thus, we present some of its characteristics and let the person asking the question see himself in which type lies smoking.
There is no disagreement among the physicians and sane people that smoking is harmful for health. It is one of the major causes of lung cancer and other diseases. It is also one of the major causes of death. Since, it is known that the Islamic law prohibits everything that is harmful for a human being. Allah said (interpretation of meaning): "Do not kill yourself. Allah is Merciful unto you." (Surat al-Nisaa' 4:29)
In addition, His Prophet SAWS (peace be upon him) said:
"There is no harm or causing of harm (in Islaam)." (Arabic "laa darar wa laa diraar")
He SAWS (peace be upon him) also said:
"A person will not be able to move on the Day of Judgment until he is asked about ... his body as to what he engaged it in."
Smoking also goes against the saying of the Prophet SAWS:
"Your body has a right on you."
There is no disagreement among the physicians and sane people that smoking is harmful for the health of others who inhale the polluted breath of the smoker. Medical research has proven the harmful effects of smoking mothers on their children. The offensive smell caused by smoking is a source of pain to the worshippers of Allah among humans and angels. The angels are offended and suffer from the same things that the human beings suffer from. Allah said (interpretation of the meaning): "Those who cause harm to believing men and women without any reason do a great sin." (Surat al-Ahzaab, 33:58)
The money that is spent on cigarettes is used on buying a harmful thing and is therefore an extravagance. Allah said (interpretation of the meaning): "… and do not be extravagant wasters. Those who are extravagant are kinsmen of Satan." (Surat al-Israa' 17:26-27)
Extravagance (in Islam) means spending on something haraam.
Spending money on cigarettes is a waste of resources as well. The Prophet SAWS (peace be upon him) said:
"A person will not be able to move on the Day of Judgment until he is asked about ..... what he owned as to how he spent it."
Considering all that has been presented, it can be clearly seen that smoking is an evil among many others. It is not permissible to indulge in it, or buy and sell it, or even to offer it to others. It is incumbent on a person who is addicted to it that he must make all efforts and get whatever necessary treatment to stop it. If the unbelievers have understood the harm caused by smoking and made laws regarding it, the Muslims should be even more eager to stop it and treat those who are addicted to it.
We ask Allah the Almighty to cure everyone indulging in this evil and help him in giving it up. Allah is the Best Guide to the Right Path
Ask Allah for help and Allah knows best.
thanks a lot brothers eddie and abdullah for elaborating upon the whole issue in a clinical manner, the discussion has put me wise on related irritants that i have been suffering from, now i get a religious as well as physical verdicts. i thank you brothers again. may Allah bless you. regards
Al Salam Alaikom bro, Alhamdulillah for your quit... Mubarak ur new life! Well, what was mentioned above is great, but I tell you if you did something that is not religiously permitted during mating formerly, you must ask for forgiveness for it. When you sin, then repent.. Allah covers up ur sins, so don't tell anyone about them coz this wont go forward but would bring things backward.
wht u've mentioned about fancy and so, is a sin b4 Allah, but doesn't attain a punishment in Shariaa.. it means your marital state is right, you son is of no doubt your son, but this issue between you and Allah needs resolving, so need to repent. I may advise giving charity with intention of repentance and hope that ur son would be brought up to be pious
nw there's extra burden on u nw, to represent the good idol for ur son, may Allah amke him qurrat aynik.
I just wish to share with you the meaning of this verse:
222 They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is a suffer, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a care for cleanness.
223 Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).
In fact, the verse came to organize the act of intercourse.. the word tilth here referres to the site of implantation, ie the vagina, means that women are the place u put ur seeds to have siblings, O men!.. so u can ONLY make intercourse in that specific place.. so, rectal intercourse is a huge sin coz of this verse. The reason this verse was revealed is that a man used to meet his wife from behind but in her vagina, he was doubtous about it being legal.. so he questioned Prophet Muhammad and the verse revealed it. that's why it states here: so go to your tilth as ye will.. ie, whatever position is legal provided that it would be in the vagina, the place of tilth. " and send (good deeds) before you for your souls" means u put in mind to remember ur God and say "In the Name of Allah" 1st, as when u remember ur creator, u then admit that He is supreme over u and only his power could make ur woman give birth.. not ur implant.. then whenever u remember ur Creator, u then protect ur sibling from Satan.
how deep that verse is! it stunted me!
i may recommend for u reading that article:
hope u find it interesting.
Jazak Allah Khairaa, Al-Salam Alaikom