RELATIONSHIP

Question

Asalam alaikum,Sir,

The issue is about pronouncing or writing words in sms to my wife "END OF RELATIONSHIP"... I have absolute no intention of seperation nor the infulence of anger nor anything else but it was said purely & only to make her understand of her grave mistake + her relatives.

An outline of the subject is as follows: Saturday i.e. 26th May 2012 - my son's circumcision was performed.

The issue is my wife & her relatives together performed "circumcision of my son" against my permission & my absence. This subject is under discussion from past 20 days. I never refused but as i am currently out of the country, i requested & insisted her to inform my mother & involve her & (optionally) if possible my Elder brother or Sisters too.

Friday night i.e on 25th May i was informed that appointment is fixed for saturday afternoon and they are going ahead. I requested & repeatedly insisted her (over the phone) not to do this & also spoke to her elder sister insisting the same & when i found that they are adamant i finally said "I AM THE FATHER OF THE CHILD & I HAVE MORE RIGHT THAN ANYONE ELSE & SO MY ANSWER IS NO - IF YOU PEOPLE GO AGAINST THEN WHATEVER HAPPENS LATER WILL BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY" yet again i could feel that may do but thought no she will not take such a big step...

Ultimately they did as they said, against my permission & without involving any of my family members... i received an sms next day afternoon saying (ALHUMDILLAH CIRCUMCISION IS FINISHED) I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT THEY REALLY WENT AGAINST. This indeed is a big mistake and obviously i'm angry for multiple reasons.

So with pure intention to make them realize their mistake, specially my wife i started sending sms because she was not answering my calls... i sent 3 sms where i said...

1) "AGAINST MY PERMISSION +20DAYS OF ADVICE, YOU & YOUR PEOPLE DECIDED TO GO AHEAD. THIS IS END OF OUR RELATION" 2) "YOU & YOUR PEOPLE'S DECISION TO GO AGAINST MY WILL & MY PRESENCE IS LOUD & CLEAR TO ME. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU & SO VILL BE MINE INSHALLAL, THINK FOR THE WORST" 3) "THIS IS THE WORST I CAN EXPECT - YOU DID WANT YOU WANTED SO WAIT FOR ME - GIVE ME ONE WEEK TIME I WILL BE FILING PAPERS ONLINE - this is the END"

NOW MY QUESTION is, since i have already stated in writing i.e. sms END or END OF RELATION, etc. so i want to know where do i stand according to shariah because people (friends) are giving a different opinion. I WANT A SCOLAR'S OPINION

Please advise i am completely disturbed to this regard, though she has hurt me badly i love her & i know for sure someone from her family has pushed her to this extent otherwise she will not do this and there is no problem in any sense with my mother, she loves my mother, but the fact is they did it & i fail to understand why?

PLEASE ADVISE Jazak Allah

Answer 1

1

Assalam a'likum, believe me it isn't a big problem like you think. Don't make any step that you may regret. You love your wife and you don't want to lose her so meet her and ask her KINDLY why she did this. Say Alhamdulellah that your son's circumcision was finished well. This what matters now. Calm down and think carefully. What you have said in the sms' was just because of the anger. Don't damage your family because of a little problem. Marriage is holy in Islam so it isn't the end of the world if you have a disagreement with your wife. You may face such problems in your marriage and you must face them as a muslim man. I am not a scholar but think of what I have said. And also congratulation about your son's circumcision. May Allah bless your marriage, your wife and your son.

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answered May 28 '12 at 10:21 lumisho ♦ 81●3●21

2

ASAK, Highly appreciate your sincere, prompt & timely advice. Last 2 sentences of your reply deserves an round of applaus, this is the 1st congratulation (Barak Allah) i received to this regard (due to circumstances no one shared) and 2nd your Dua'

NOTE: Pls clarify, having said those specific word, am i in that boundry or no. Jazak Allah Khair

(May 29 '12 at 08:58) MYQ

1

Everything you have done can be fixed. You have said that you would end your relationship with your wife but you haven't ended it. You haven't say Talaq so she still is your wife wa alhamdulellah. Ask Allah for forgiveness. Try to get rid of anger by saying Azkar and so on. Control your anger. Discuss this problem and the sms' with your wife and trust me she will understand insha'allah.... After that, everything would be fixed and things would be better than it was before insha'allah..

(May 29 '12 at 11:04) lumisho ♦

ASAK Sir, By the grace of Allah the subject issue is resolved completely, it took a while but Alhamdulillah its resolved without any hitch.

Perhaps her relatives complicated a bit but Allah assisted to manage!

I remain thankful to Allah & by His grace, thankful to your sincere advice. Jazak Allah Khair.

(Jun 15 '12 at 12:30) MYQ

Answer 2

If a man wants to reconcile with his wife, leaving one woman after an argument - it's not a good idea. So advice for you: If you had a falling out, then do not leave your beloved one, that she might say to you "(meaning" Get thee behind me, "" go away ", etc.). Of course there are exceptions when a woman actually, remaining after a quarrel, calm down, but it is rather the exception.

    Accordingly, those who at the time of a sane argument, he also has to take responsibility for the "fire fighting". Sometimes let a man walk and a pobudet, and the woman herself to calm down. And sometimes a man must first appease his beloved, and then later sent to calm down myself.

If you know the odds of your parents, then they certainly will be after her to treat your part is a little worse than before. It is possible that they will already be thinking that this is not quite your half, and one of the possible wives. It is possible that they already are not very friendly to your half may already be noticing more disadvantages than advantages, probably themselves will talk about the need to disperse, even if you are already a hundred times made up, etc. It's also quite a strong effect on family relationships, not the best way, believe me. So if you want to quickly make peace with her husband (wife), then do not tell others about their quarrels.

   I keep saying that a woman should not take the initiative in relationships with men, but in reconciling this rule does not operate until the end.

     If you do not remove the cause of quarrel, the quarrel will be repeated and repeated in various forms.
   So methods of reconciliation - it's great, but you need to learn how to address the causes of quarrels.

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