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Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah Brother i am in a confusion please help me. I got married 1.5 years it is a love marriage.My family was okay with mu husband but in laws were not. I was always under presuured cause they didn't like me, they were always after my mistakes or critizing me. I am from a very wealthy family and i have never seen this type of typical games in my family. My mother and my grandmother had a very good relation, even my all uncles aunts, there was no collition between any families.My in laws parents hates me. Then oneday the collision had happened with my family and then the both family stopped talking to each other.Then i tried in my way but it didn't worked out even my husband was manupulated. Then oneday my husband my mother and brother (as my father died 10 yrs ago i only have my mother and brother)had a fight cause they were pissed off..after that my husbands hates my family.He was my brother's friend..then after that incident my brother changed with MSN wallpaper (something vulger) not any intension towards my husband,but my husband picked up that issue that my brother insulted his mother..which is not true.(anyone can put whatever pic they want there's i am no one to say right) Now after that i still went in to see my in laws oneday they neglected me (to them it's like what ever they do i have to take it cause i am bride of the family and i have pleases them then they are not good with me or my family). My husband lives in Canada so i moved in canada to him after that i have stopped talking with them,cause they are always unhappy on me...on the other hand my husband wants me to be good with his family and he won't keep any relaton with my one. I told him let's solve the problem there is no harm to fix it but he refuses... so oneday my mother called him and he didn't picked up the call (i didn't said him anything) after someday my mother in law called me (don't know why)and i didn't picked which made my husband mad. Now today my husband told me during fasting that in islam HE HAS NO DUTIES TOWARDS MY FAMILY,HE DON'T NEED TO INTERACT WITH MY FAMILY but i have to do my duties towards his family even they kick me off, or else i will be stuck in the judgement day. Brother is this says in islam?? does in islam it means once a girl gets married she is sold to that family? please give me a solution brother, i am simply tired of my life.when ever he talks to his family problem arises.I love my mother and my brother, i mother had a hard time when my father died so it's very hard for me to hear something bad about her. please give me a solution is there really no duties on my husband towards my family?or is it only me have to take all the pain and continue?

asked 1011 Zarah's gravatar image

Your husband is incorrect, before a woman gets married it is the duty of her brother and father to look after her, once she's married it's the duty of the husband.

Also here are a few quotes I found in my book "Women In Islam" from that I think are relevant to your situation:

  1. Hadeeth: Hazrat-e-Asmaah says, "Once my mother who was not a muslim came to my house. I went and asked the messenger of God what to do?" He replied, "Show her respect and kindness". Sahee Bukari, Book of repect, Hadeeth 918

Excerpts from Page 47 to 51 from the same book:

  1. ...Another Hadith says: "If a husband says to his wife to transform a yellow mountain into a black one or turn a black mountain into a white one, she should obey his orders". The hadith means that the women should try to perform the hardest of the jobs assigned by her husband. But if he is unjust then surely the wrath or Allah alighty and His punishment awaits him.

  2. ...Without a doubt a strong relationship is formed on the basics of mutual understanding and respect for eachother. This relation is not a contest for control but it is a relation based on love, respect and understanding. Both husband and wife should recognise each others legal (in Islam) needs and do their utmost to fulfill them. A man is given a higher degree of control (responsibility) as the head of the family but a women is not deprived either, she is made the head of family when he is not present. This is to avoid over burdening her.

  3. ...But this does not give any right to the man to suppress his wife in any way. He has no right to play with her feelings and emotions. Nothing in Islam permits him to consider himself the owner of his wife and stop her from seeing her parents or exercising harsh punishments on her. The relationship between a man and his wife is one between two human beings of equal status.

  4. ...Therefore fear Allah when dealing with all those who are put in your case. Severest punishment awaits those who are unjust. Be kind and respectful when dealing with your mother and show love and affection when dealing with your wife. Respect her parents and family so she respects your parents and family.

  5. ...Every husband has the obligation to provide for the sustenance of his wife. She should be provided with adequate food, a comfortable home, suitable clothes and other basic amenities of life.

  6. ...It should be remembered that husbands, who never bother for the sustenance of their wives, commit a severe crime of depriving Allah's creations of their rights. The Holy Quran says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, becuase Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and becuase they support them from their means." (4:34)

Excerpt from page 23 of the same book:

  1. "The holy prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "True believer is he who has good manners and amongst you that person is good who is good towards his wife" (Minhaj us Savee, page 725, hadeeth 39/913)

I hope this is helpful, I've tried to make it as detailed and useful as I can (and sorry if there are any spelling mistakes!) And I wish you the best of luck with your situation!

answered 1013 MSS's gravatar image
 A husband has all the responsibility to ensure that he does justice in his duties towards his wife and his parents. It is his duty to ensure that a relationship as cordial as possible, is maintained between his wife and his parents by keeping them happy in their own places.

 As regard his behaviour towards his wife's family, he is morally bound to give them respect; this is what Islam teaches us. Surah An-Nisah, ayah 36 commands that one must show kindness to parents, kindred, orphans, needy, neighbours, fellow-travelers etc, - wife's parents certainly deserve more kindness than way-farer indeed.

  Life of this world is too short to waste, sooner it is realized the better it is. The day of Judgement will tell us what we did - an atom of good and an atom of bad done will be in front of us.

  Keep doing your duties towards your husband and towards his parents the way you should. You will get your reward from Allah - His is the best of rewards.
answered 42616 MAK's gravatar image

I think your husband is from pakistan.... astagfirALLAH

answered 2416 ashieya's gravatar image
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Asked: Jul 26 '12 at 20:28

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Last updated: Aug 15 '12 at 10:35

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