Salaamu alaikum I am very concerned about myself and do not understand why this happens. From my youth if I would make up a lie whether for a joke or for getting out of a situation that lie would become true. For example at 16yrs I was falling behind in school and my teachers wanted to know why and wanted to help me. The truth was I was lazy but to get them off my back I told them that my parents where forcing me to marry and I was depressed. It was utter nonsense but a few years later it was fulfilled. Shortly after this incident Allah showed mercy on me and took me into Islam.
I am married with children and have a very good marriage by the mercy of Allah, alhumdulliah. I am not following the fards of prayer correctly although I am tryin to improve. I have practised islam on and off since my early 20s and now I am 40. At times I have been very devout and at times I have neglected my deen immensly. I have found arrogance in my personality which I am battling. I would describe myself as a sinful but sincere woman. I am not a hypocrite i think I do love Allah and Muhammed (saw).
I have since my youth been scared of my tongue due to the things I say may be fulfilled. I recently said to my husband, 'you delay in giving your mum money Allah will delay in giving you money'. 30 mins later he went to take money from his account and it had disappeared. This is one of many such incidents and my husband has become scared of my tongue and has said he does not understand it.
He says 2 peoples words came true either a pious (walli) person or the evil person. we both agree i am not pious person due to my neglect of the deen so my husband said that shaitan also makes peoples words come true and I need to control my words. We did not argue on this as I know my husband is not attacking me but he is puzzled as I am. How does a person know if they are evil and could I be an evil person and how do I recognise evil within myself and how do I change it. I do not understand why sometimes the things I say come true. I also have problem of dreams I do get dreams that come true and I do not know why. For example I saw the houses I would live in when I was young and so far this dream is true. In my 20s I saw my son in a dream and in fact the same child was born to me. I saw Ali (ra) in a dream in the 90s and what he said is coming true. I have seen my husband near sin in my dream I asked him and he said it was correct at this in anger as he left the home I cursed him that he would have a motorbike accident and 10 mins later he did. I repented for this as well as confessed it to him and he forgave me. I have seen myself in hellfire and I have seen myself in Paradise. Am I a cursed woman What does islam say about a woman like me? can you advise please.