Asalaamoalaykum

I am a male living in the US. I am now 25 years old and am residing with my parents. My parents have asked me about getting married, and even suggesting several women to me over the years. I could not say yes to any of them, but then I saw a woman who I felt something for. After a while of getting to know her better through a distant, non-contact and limited connection, I realized that this is a woman who I could see myself spending my life with happily. However, the problem is my parents are not entirely agreeing with my decision. It's not that the woman has any major bad qualities, on the contrary, her family is very kind and she is also a kind-hearted and sincere individual.

I feel that my parents think I can "do better", or maybe they would like me to marry a woman from a family that we are closer to. But if I think about it, it's been about 3 years that my parents have been bringing up marriage, and I haven't been able to accept anyone yet. I have known this woman whom I am interested in for about 2 years, and I don't feel like I have found anyone better suitable for myself and my family, and perhaps future family inshaAllah. Now, would it be permissible for me to express my feelings to her directly since my parents are not willing to do so? I believe I read a hadith somewhere a while back that mentioned something like, if you love someone, you should tell that person... I was also thinking about having one of my sisters speak to her.

I thank you for your time to hear my case and would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Jazakallah Khairun. Salaam.

asked 9818 def's gravatar image
edited Dec 17 '12 at 21:22

no i dont think so because you are a non muharam to her....telling your intentions to her is like a proposal...rest allah knows better..

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answered 4418 scorpion%20anee's gravatar image

Salaam Iv known so many stories like this!! You really should make a move before you lose her Speak to your parents again... Have a long conversation and ask them to talk to the family. If not i would suggest you talk to the girls brother? Or anyone you know who is close to her. But either way do it fast!! Good luck

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answered 655 Bubbles123's gravatar image

salam bro i would like to share this with you ABdullah Ibn Amr reports the Prophet S.A.W to have said, 'Do not marry women for their good looks . Maybe their beauty becomes the cause of their own ruination. Nor enter into a wedlock with them to transgression and rebellion . A righteous black slave girl is superior to a lady of high birth with fair complexion' i suggest brother what ever you do dont go against your parents otherwise you will have a really bad and eerie enviornment around you however i do suggest you to try to convience them but marry her only if your parents accept her whole heartedly otherwise you will destroy her life and you parents life and yours too

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answered 4418 scorpion%20anee's gravatar image

WS brother. The situation isn't as bad as you may think. My parents actually like the girl and her family. They just think I can "do better", meaning find someone better looking. But in all honesty, this woman is beautiful, she may not be the most stunning woman that I've ever laid my eyes on, but she is good looking and is very nice. Personally, I like her for her personality, as you referred to above, I am much more interested in a woman's deen than the extent of her beauty. My parents are simply pushing me to keep looking, but I am worried that she can be married off at anytime because I've been waiting for my family to make a move for almost 2 years now. I guess you can say, I'm scared I may lose her, and I feel I should express my feelings to her somehow before it is too late. My question was, is there a permissible way that I can personally communicate with her about this?

(Dec 17 '12 at 04:38) def def's gravatar image

i am not sure but i guess you can make your sister to talk to her but it should be on her behalf . i guess better is that you should 1. Recite this hadith infront of your parents 2. Tell them how much you want this girl to be your wife 3.pray to allah to give you a life partner whos perfect for you and your family. 4. Tell your parents every muslim girl is beautiful as long as she has a pure heart mind body and soul and knows deen . They are your parents and will definetly agree only if allah s.w.t has thought the same for you

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answered 4418 scorpion%20anee's gravatar image

Thank you again for your response, but I still did not get the answer that I was looking for... Is it permissible for me to get in touch with this woman regarding my intentions? Can I communicate with her directly rather than having someone else speak to her on my behalf?

(Dec 17 '12 at 16:17) def def's gravatar image
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Asked: Dec 16 '12 at 22:02

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Last updated: Dec 20 '12 at 10:50


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